25 Must Have Tips to Boost the Love Factor in Your Relationship

By the time I leave this Earth, I should have improved our relationships here and now, so that in the next generation sons, daughters, and friends have my shoulders on which to stand so it's easier to make their contribution. ~Eddie Albert

Love is simple, but not easy.

It's no secret that in every relationship, the work begins after the initial magic wears off.  When you write "be kind, laugh, and forgive," at the top of your "to do" list you can take any relationship from positive to precious. 

It's impossible to change anyone but ourselves. Most of us know this, yet it doesn't keep us from trying.

Love is messy. Yet with a little willingness,  a big commitment, and continuous action, it doesn't take long to create change. 

If you want increase the 'hotness factor' in your relationship keep the focus on your behavior. Like sunshine and water help a garden flourish, loving thoughts, words, and actions help a relationship grow, bloom, and thrive. 

Don't aim for perfection. There is no such thing. Go for continuous improvement. 

The following tips will get you started in the right direction.

Practice patience. Don't expect another to go at your pace.

Allow struggle to bring you closer together. Become a team.

Be self-revealing. Learn to share your thoughts, feelings and emotions.

Be deeply compassionate. Put yourself in your lover's shoes.

Give each other alone time. Learn to hold your own hand.

Accept each other’s flaws. 

Do unexpected favors for each other. Go the extra mile.

Put love notes in a purse, jacket pocket or wallet. Add an element of surprise.

Go to bed at the same time.

Cuddle and snuggle when you are together. It adds an element of safety.

Initiate sex. Keep your thoughts and hands on each other. 

Use bathroom etiquette. It's about responsibility and respect.

Listen non-defensively. In your defensiveness your safety lies.

Declare your home a nag free zone. 

Text or email, “Have a great day. I love you.” Small things can go a long way.

Kiss for a long time. Make it mean something. 

Laugh at each other’s jokes. Lose the intensity.

Remember how blessed you are to have each other. 

Initiate sex. Keep your hands on each other.

Keep your focus on what is right and good.

Use these two sentences often, “I care about you. How can I support you?” 

Be patient with each other. You’ll argue less.

Renew your spirit. Spend time in nature together.

Practice gazing during meals.

Schedule fun and play. Be adventurous.

Your happiness lies in the state of your relationships. Take 100% responsibility and make small, everyday improvements, You'll never regret the investment you make in "forever."

{ 32 comments… add one }

  • Daniel M. Wood October 18, 2011, 4:23 am

    I think touching is key to any relationship – Holding hands, hugging, kissing, sitting close to each other.

    As is looking – Checking each other out, appriciating each other, flirting.

    In my opinion that is what keeps love going, though of course without communication as well as all the other advice you shared, you will not get far.

    • Tess October 18, 2011, 6:34 pm

      It’s all so very important. It take serious commitment, time, and a willingness to grow. Thanks I do agree with you.

  • Cathy | Treatment Talk October 18, 2011, 5:37 am

    Hi Tess,

    It’s wonderful to fall in love, but I agree the work starts when the infatuation has worn off. Thanks for the great reminders.

    • Tess October 18, 2011, 6:35 pm

      I think humans would be extinct without the infatuation stage. Seriously!

  • Christopher Foster October 18, 2011, 8:27 am

    Great suggestions Tess. I love what you say about doing your partner an unexpected favor. Heck. Just do your partner a favor — like I did yesterday. JoAnn had a book she had ordered at the library for pick up. “Could you pick it up for me dear?” she asks sweetly as I’m leaving to go for coffee.

    It was a no-brainer. “I’d love to dear,” I say warmly. I got myself a parking ticket in the process (which I was able to talk myself out of) but I have to tell you, bringing the book home and with a sweet smile thrown in as a bonus definitely took our relationship up a notch:-)

    • Tess October 18, 2011, 6:35 pm

      You’re so wise and your humor is so fun. I treasure out friendship!

  • Marci | Liberating Choices October 18, 2011, 9:41 am

    It is amazing what gazing at someone can do. We do it often when we are falling for someone. Yet, when resentment and hurt happens, we slowly turn away, including our eyes. Something as simple as gazing at our significant other is an invitation. It’s moving toward instead of away. Knowing you can direct your own intimacy is so liberating!

    I am remembering how I watched my babies when they were little – a small sign I was falling in love with them. :)

    • Tess October 18, 2011, 6:37 pm

      Your comment is rich and warm. You could do an entire post on it. That’s our therapist stuff oozing out, eh?

  • Jt Clough | Big Island Dog October 18, 2011, 12:43 pm

    Kissing. I think it’s really big after the 1st or 2nd year. People stop doing it. So thank you for putting that one out there.

    The nag free zone. It’s been a long road for me but I learned it. An 11 year first marriage, then watching a sister nag her husband to bits…. I can honestly say no I don’t nag, complain, or bitch at the love of my life. If I want something changed I just start doing my best to live it myself and am thankful that he is in my life every day. It works. I’m so happy.

    • Tess October 18, 2011, 6:39 pm

      You’re an example for all! Thanks for sharing how you keep your love strong. You’re attitude is rewarded with the love you create, Awesome!

  • Melody | Deliberate Receiving October 18, 2011, 3:06 pm

    Oooh, love these. Here are my favorites:

    Go to bed at the same time. That one made me stop. I know several couples that rarely go to bed at the same time. It’s so easy to get into that routine, but it takes away so much intimacy…

    Gaze at each other over meals. Oooh yes. I love that. When do we stop doing that? At what point does that flirting and gazing stop?

    Awesome tips, Tess.


    • Tess October 18, 2011, 6:40 pm

      I think TV and the Internet have stolen intimacy from too many couples. To your friends I would say begin small, start with one day a week and when that’s a habit, add another.

  • Joy October 18, 2011, 6:26 pm

    What beauty filled tips, thank you:)
    Ultimately, I think each relationship is about gratitude and abundance. When I Feel grateful, I am appreciative of *all* that is presented to me..and when I create from a space of abundance, I am creating from faith. I take the time to say not only in words “thank you, I appreciate you and all that your presence reflects to me” but in actions. When I create from faith, I open my heart past/through fear and doubt to create substance. And I have learned to receive as graciously as I share.

  • Tess October 18, 2011, 6:41 pm

    Good for you! I have seen so many clients struggle and wonder where their abundance is, it’s staring them in the face but their arms are folded and they are too stubborn or unworthy to even attempt to receive. Thanks for sharing!

  • Gail Brenner (AFlourishingLife) October 18, 2011, 6:51 pm

    Hi tess,

    Sharing thoughts and feelings, in the spirit of being self-revealing, is a great suggestion and essential. I have also found huge benefit in noticing my own reactions and taking care of them within myself – not spilling all my emotions into the relationship and onto my partner. I am continually surprised by the possibility of allowing my feelings to be in my own private space. They seem to dissolve most of the time, diverting any potential for disharmony. Taking responsibility for my own reactions before I talk about them has brought a tremendous about of harmony and good will to my relationship.

    • Tess October 19, 2011, 7:46 am

      Thanks for adding that too the list! I would encourage you to write an entire article on feelings and private space. If you have in the past…write another. It’s that needed. Thanks.

  • Betsy at Zen Mama October 19, 2011, 6:40 am

    Wonderful thought Tess! Something everyone should print out. I always try to have unconditional love for my husband and kids no matter what is going on. Just about everything on your list could fit into that category.

    A great post and a great reminder!!

    • Tess October 19, 2011, 7:49 am

      Yes I need all of these reminders myself. We teach what we need to learn. I’m doing the habit course and my new habit is going the extra mile for hubs even more so than before.

  • John Sherry October 19, 2011, 12:14 pm

    Boy, do I need these Tess (and how to find that special one). I could do with an X-Factor for the love factor so I’m going to have a try at these as and when a lovely lover comes along. I want wilderness to be wildfire nights – just need that spark. PS Ladies I’m out here smouldering!!!!

    • Tess October 20, 2011, 5:23 pm

      Sounds romantic to me John. Lucky lady when she arrives;)

  • Alex Blackwell | The BridgeMaker October 19, 2011, 4:21 pm

    Wonderful, lovely post Tess. It’s beautiful!


  • Tess October 19, 2011, 5:50 pm

    Thanks Alex. Just know I’m thinking of you.

  • jen October 19, 2011, 7:56 pm

    Love is simple, but not easy. Such a true and profound statement!
    I have been married 17 years. Through the last 5 we have been through numerous difficult challenges in our personal lives, that have also affected our ability to connect.

    We are working on getting back to dating…..this is a wonderful list, and a perfect article for me to read, print out, and put into action. Such simple things can be so meaningful…..a warm touch or statement, time together (without kids) and making as much effort in my relationship as I do with all my other important aspects of my life.

    Thank you Tess. You always have the best lists:)

    • Tess October 20, 2011, 5:24 pm

      Good for you for not giving up. All relationships have their ups and downs as you know. Glad my list helps. Thanks for coming by.

  • Jimmy October 20, 2011, 1:09 am

    Wonderful and practical list Tess. So many of them I can try and use. I just text my wife after reading this post and reconciled over our differences we had about our wedding. The stress and is just not worth it as you say.

    You have also not been afraid to mention those items that are more touchy like intimacy and couple habits. It is true an open way to let love between two love birds flow better.

    • Tess October 20, 2011, 5:24 pm

      Hey sex and stuff…a part of live, why not mention it. Keep showing her the love!

  • Megan Bord October 20, 2011, 5:03 am

    I love that you listed “initiate sex; keep your hands on each other” twice! Brilliant! Any time I’ve been in a love relationship that’s just what I do because, for one, I enjoy it , and for another, I think physical connection is just as important as emotional and mental connection.

    • Tess October 20, 2011, 5:25 pm

      LOL Megan, I didn’t know I did it twice. Must be what we all needed to hear! Lucky the guy your with!

  • Joe Wilner October 20, 2011, 9:55 am


    To keep love alive certainly takes effort. I am learning to recognize my partners love language and focus on responding to this, despite that it is different from mine. Not letting the romance die is crucial as it gets easy to become complaisant or let a busy life take away from this aspect of a relationship. It really is the little daily things we do that can keep a relationships healthy. Thanks for the reminder! I will be focusing on this today.

  • Tess October 20, 2011, 5:27 pm

    Yes it’s easy to let other busy work get in the way of what we already have. It’s important to stand back and really look at how loving we are and how we can take it to the next level.

  • Noel October 21, 2011, 9:56 pm

    Hi Tess, I wondered how do you come up with such a wonderful list every time? I’m just amazed :) I think couple usually gets lazy to spend some effort in their relationship after a few years. To quote: “Love doesn’t just sit there like a stone; it has to be made, like bread, remade all the time, made new.” (Ursula K. Le Guin) Your tips are very important to keep a healthy, sweet relationship. Thanks so much~

  • Tammy October 27, 2011, 6:22 am

    Yep, those little things really add up don’t they? For me, they all boil down to focus. Really focus on your loved one for a time each day.


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