Jen Smith is a Personal Development blogger from the UK who who can be found at Reach Our Dreams. Why not connect with Jen on Twitter @reachourdreams or if you liked this article then why not subscribe to her RSS Feed?
“There is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way.” Wayne Dyer
Being happy is one of the most important things we can do for ourselves and others. In days gone by happiness wasn’t always top of peoples agendas and today some people still think happiness is a flimsy pursuit. Everyone has different world views and of course is entitled to their own opinion but more and more I am coming to believe happiness is one of the most important things in life for ourselves and the world around us.
Find Out What Makes You Happy
What makes you happy will probably be different to what makes the next person happy. Getting to know yourself and your authentic desires is important. We are constantly inundated with messages about how we should be living our lives. Society, advertising and other people’s opinions can all be a strong influence. Do whatever it takes to get in touch with your own voice. Meditation, spending time alone and writing are ways that I have found effective. You may have different ways. Finding ways to get in touch with your own voice is part of the process of getting to know yourself.
What makes you happy?
Follow Your Bliss
As you start to get in touch with what makes you happy, learn to follow those instincts. I was born just outside London . I love London, but deep down I always felt like I would enjoy country living more than city life. I didn’t know if I would enjoy this in reality as I hadn’t lived in the country side before, but a couple of years ago I took the leap and left London to live in the countryside (and near the sea ). I never looked back; I love where I live now. At times in London I wondered if I was running away or always looking for something else but deep down I know these desires were the authentic whisperings of my soul and I am really glad I listened to them.
What are the authentic whisperings of your soul?
Happiness Isn't Selfish
Sometimes people think being happy is selfish. It isn’t! The more we can be happy with our own lives the more difference we can make to others. For a start, happy people are nicer to be around than unhappy ones! Happiness spreads. You can make more difference to others when you are happy. You are then coming from a place of power. Authentic happiness doesn’t take anything away from anyone else. There is no shortage of happiness in the world. We don’t need to feel guilty for being happy or suppress it because someone else isn’t happy. If someone else is unhappy it is important to stay centered. Taking on their unhappiness will only drag both of you down. We can be sympathetic and understanding without losing our own center.
Allow Happiness
I have often read that we need to allow happiness rather than strive or try to create it. I think this makes a lot of sense. Happiness is our natural state. Our thoughts, anxieties, bad habits and day to day concerns can get in the way but we can learn to remove blockages and let happiness in and allow it. Emotional Freedom Technique is a great way to remove blockages and move past negativity.
What can you let go of today to allow happiness?
Happiness Is In The Present
As the quote at the beginning of this article points out, there is no way to happiness; happiness is the way. Our mind tries to convince us at times that when we get this new purchase or new relationship we will be happy, however happiness is in the here and now. We don’t need to do anything to be happy. We need to be happy. Of course this doesn’t mean we don’t need to ever do anything or strive for anything. As I shared above, I wanted to live in the countryside and following that desire has made me feel good and in alignment with my desires. It can seem hard to be happy when we want to be somewhere else, but if we try and release anxiety and trust the process whilst being happy we are more likely to get where we want to be. Like attracts like.
Let yourself be happy right now.
I'd love to hear about your experiences with happiness and what makes you happy.
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{ 39 comments… read them below or add one }
I love the statement that Happiness isn’t selfish. I think we can feel or be made to feel selfish while pursuing activities that make us happy sometimes. I read a fascinating article about “handwork” (knitting, crocheting, stitchery, woodworking, etc). It seems that those manual repetitive motions cause seratonin to build (the happiness factor). I’ve thought a lot about that and how as a child I was surrounded by adults who did handwork. Today, not so much. Yesterday, I visited the La Posada in Winslow and felt happy just being there, sipping a coffee and reading.
Tammy´s last post…The Gift of Feedback
Jenn,
“It can seem hard to be happy when we want to be somewhere else, but if we try and release anxiety and trust the process whilst being happy we are more likely to get where we want to be. Like attracts like.”
This is so true. The thing about “wanting and desire” is they take us out of the present moment. When we become dependent on our goals and such we survive vs thrive. We all have everything we need in this moment. The rest is a bonus.
I’ve worked at simplifying my life for the last 2-3 years. I “let go” in joy and life is grand. Thanks for sharing your wisdom on The Bold Life! I appreciate you;)
Tess Bold Life´s last post…Rock Your Swagga
Hi Tess
Super article, reminds me of the old joke…
“I’m a kind of paranoic in reverse – I suspect people are plotting to make me happy.”
Looks as though you are plotting to make us all happy.
Simple things make me happy…
A family meal
A walk in the country, a walk on the beach
Sunsets, sunrises
Watching the telly
Being in work!
Common denominator… simple things with good company.
Keith Davis´s last post…Laugh and the world…
Hi Tess,
Let’s spread happiness!!!! & I don’t know how to add butterflies and glitter to my site, but it’s a fabulous idea so I will figure it out:)
Hi Jen,
Spreading joy is my life’s passion…
Every thing makes me happy. In the morning, I wake happy to be in this day, at night I fall asleep happy to be in my bed and I try to be thankful for each moment in between. For me, it’s about being mindfully present to the moment and embracing it exactly as it is. Even the hard moments have something good in them, so I find that good, praise for it, and let it carry me to the next moment. Genuine happiness.
What makes my heart happy? A beautiful sunrise, my children’s belly laughter, a genuine smile that lights up your eyes, delicious chocolate anything, a guitar riff that carries me away, the sunset over my backyard islands, peace utter peace, hiking in the hills, a delight filled surprise, a gathering of friends, watching the sky, a full moon….did I say chocolate????
Joy´s last post…Monday Blessing: A Resounding Yes….
Hi Tammy.
It is really interesting what you say about ‘handwork’. I have definately experienced that happiness from repetitive work at times. As you said, there is less people doing this kind of work … it seems like there is something to discover right there about a way to happiness. I keep meaning to learn how to knit properly as I feel that this would give me that same kind of experience.
Hi Tess!
It’s so great to be here – thank you!
I really like your points about letting go. I think this can be hard to do at times as it can seem counter intuitive but it is one of the most beneficial things we can learn to do.
Hi Keith.
Thanks for sharing what makes you happy. It’s great to hear work is on your list too … I think it is so great when we can enjoy work. It sounds like you have a great outlook.
Hi Joy.
I love the idea of spreading glitter and butterflies through your site! There must be a way!
Thank you for your wonderful comment. It really made me happy to hear how you approach life in such a positive and giving way… and yes I am with you on the chocolate!
Just realised how many I use!!!
Great post Jen. I enjoyed your ending to this in that we don’t need to chase happiness. It’s here with us as long as we learn to stay in the moment. By doing so, we can appreciate the things we have around us which makes us more happy and naturally attract to us other happy moments in life.
For me, I’m happy to have the opportunity to blog. Most of my friends have full-time jobs and I don’t think would really be that interested in doing blogging for hours. I’m glad I have learned a lot about this stuff and met some cool people online. So I’m grateful of this experience, and while I’m doing this, I’m applying to get in a teaching credential program which should come with along with a new experience.
I really enjoyed this! I love that you state Happiness is not selfish. So very true because ultimately when one is happy they can’t help but share with those around them.
Hmmmm…what makes me happy?
Spending time with my friends and my two daughters.
Spending time with my Mom.
A good run!
The feeling after a good run/good workout.
Chocolate!
A great book!
A glass of really good red wine.
Thanks Hulbert.
I think the more we can remember that happiness isn’t a place to get to the better. I used to think like this a lot but try to bring myself back to the present moment when I get caught in that trap. Its really nice to hear you share what a difference blogging has made to you.. I can really identify with this.
All the best with your teaching plans, it sounds really exciting.
Jen
Hi Jen,
I think you really hit upon something very important in reaching that state of being happy. It’s about knowing ourselves, and then living from that place that aligns with our inner calls. And I think a big part of this, too – is in awareness of ourselves…always. As in – we might be happy today because we’re aligned with what feels right TODAY. Awareness helps us to continually look within – because what’s right and good today might not be the case next week, or next year.
Lance´s last post…Life, Reflection, and Cancer
Hi Jen
Loved this very much – right from that quote!
I love that you pointed out that we each have different things that make us happy. So many still don’t get this and want to hoard stuff, as if there is a lack of things to be happy from. But that is just the thing – we don’t all want the same stuff, and there is lots to go around to suit everyone’s wants and needs to be happy.
And I also loved that you pointed out that it is not selfish. Those too are thoughts of the old ways I find, where people thought it was better to suffer and be a martyr, than to be happy.
Life is amazing – we have been put in such a beautiful world – now all we need to do is enjoy it and get happy
Thank you Tess for an enlightening guest!
Evita´s last post…The Illusion of Free Will and Control
Jen, how can I add anything to the lovely things you say here? It is singing my tune and I love the way you articulate the pursuit of our own happiness. And yes, it is NOT a zero sum game. There is enough to go around for everyone and even if it’s a bit selfish to think of our own happiness first, I find virtue in that kind of selfishness because ultimately, happy people can give, do and provide more to the world around them…..So go on and take Jen’s advice and be happy. Or find your happiness in the first place. I know I have !
How nice of The Bold Life to host you and what a great guest post…..thank you both Tess and Jen!
Hi Jen,
Yes, ditching the “I’ll be happy WHEN…” outlook and working on appreciating what you have right now are two great ways to being happy.
As corny as it may sound, watching “Dr Who” on the TV with my wife and my son is something I really enjoy at the moment. I love us having a home cooked meal together, doing the dishes (he dries) and then settling down to a TV program we all enjoy. Having had some rough times in recent years, I really appreciate this kind of family time together. Its odd but sometimes you think life may be a bit dull but later you look back and see everyone is happy together, there is food on the table, all the bills are paid, you are in work and no-one is sick or grieving and you realize that they were pretty happy times after all!
Thanks for the post
Gareth
Hi Jen and Tess,
I think the line “We don’t need to do anything to be happy. We need to be happy.” sums it up nicely. I see so many people postponing their happiness until they’ve lost weight / look younger / have a new car / house etc. I don’t think it’s wrong to want these things, I just think they won’t bring happiness – because happiness is a state of mind, and we can make the choice to be happy or not. Me, I choose happiness as often as I can
Topi (can’t resist another )
Topi´s last post…Gratitude for breakfast
One of my bug bears is people saying ‘I’ll be happy when……’ so I love the quote about just being. I read a somewhere (sorry if this is you I can’t rememeber where) ‘I will give you the secret of being happy. BE HAPPY!’
And I try and live by that, there is always going to be something in our lives trying to get in the way, well don’t let it.
Thanks for a good reminder:)
Kate
This is great! It reminds me of a Wayne Dyer talk I listened to where he shared an intention he says whenever he wants to lift his vibration, and that is: I want to feel good. (Or put another way, “I want to feel GOD.”)
Like you, I’ve found happiness to be something found in the present moment, and not because of one thing or another, necessarily. I can be happy most anywhere. I intend happiness in my life, however that looks. I don’t worry about all the details — I let the Universe take care of that. My happiness has come from extraordinary romance as much as it has from delicious cake. It’s come from deep sleep, as much as an exhilarating run.
Loved this post!
Happiness is indeed the way, it is our choice, it is a nature to be happy. All of your advice was great, the most important thing you stated for me was to allow happiness … to allow ourselves to be happy is to allow ourselves to be authentic.
Mark´s last post…“Feeling Like A Part of Me Has Died”
Hi Jen
Lovely to see you here! And, girl, I’ve got to tell you I think you’re on a roll with your posts at the moment. They’re just getting more and more awesome.
It’s amazing to read this right here right now. I’ve just had a really annoying last 24 hours with our car breaking down and me having to reschedule life around getting it repaired. I was in a “grizzle” as my partner calls it. Going on about how much easier it would have been if only I’d stayed in the city and not been reliant on a car to get everywhere…..
Fast forward to an hour ago. Car fixed, I’m driving along the most idyllic country roads, looking at beautiful hills, fields full of sheep and a natural pond that has recently become home to a wild duck family. It was one of those moments where I was REALLY aware of how amazingly happy I feel right now. How, actually, like you I love the country, despite having been a city girl all my life till six months ago. I was so touched by that realisation that I cried a little right there in my car as I was driving.
I realise that I can do that “I’d rather be in the city” thing from time to time. It’s like a defence that keeps me away from the real, deep down bliss that’s actually available to me. And the human vulnerability it comes with.
Thanks, Tess, for hosting such a lovely post!
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful!
So much joy and sheer HAPPINESS is this post. I LOVE this Jen woman already as much as I love you, Tess! Thank you for finding one of the brightest gems in the blogosphere and shining her on us!!
There are just so many nuggets of pure gold in this big gem of a post!
Happiness IS our natural state, oh what a lovely reminder of how we were created.
And this… “I have often read that we need to allow happiness rather than strive or try to create it. ” Oh, that is so true and wonderful. I wish everyone could read and take this to heart. I’ll be tweeting this post, of course.
I am so glad to own my happiness and not be shy to let it shine.
xoxo
Jannie Funster´s last post…ME / CFS Phoenix Rising Video
Hi Jen & Tess.
True. we try so hard to be happy sometimes, don’t we? It’s funny how some people believe something that ’should’ come naturally has to be created. What can you let go of? That IS the question. Worry. Fear. That is the answer, for me anyway. When I’ve watched children at play, there is no sign of worry or fear and they’re all out smiles.
Davina´s last post…A Poem: Mundane Monday Muse
Happiness is such a fickle thing. I’ve learned that over the past few years.
I love how you talk about being happy now. Too many of us put off happiness because we are afraid to be happy now.
What makes me happy:
- Coaching a client to follow their passions
- Walking my dog
- Flying my son around are home and watching his smile
- Alone time with my wife
Thanks for a great article.
Karl Staib – Work Happy Now´s last post…What do you need?
I spoke to a woman recently who during our conversation whispered to me, “I hate to say it, but I really do have a great life.” I was shocked and while I dug deeper (I knew her well and felt I could) her answer was based on the fact that so many people around her were unhappy.
I never considered myself on a quest for happiness. However, I feel my happiest when I tune in to my voice instead of all the “Shoulds” and limiting beliefs I was brought up with. It’s not easy. I also believe that sometimes it’s ok not to be happy. To accept it and seek help you need to work through it and move forward. Happiness is generally feeling good about myself, my skills and ability to connect with others.
Stacey Shipman´s last post…Random Inspiration and a Yoga Interview
This post was just what I needed to read as I sat down at my computer this afternoon: thank you Tess, thank you Jen!
I loved the tapping exercise, too
Sending love,
Lavonne
Lavonne´s last post…Writing Your Own Narrative
Jen -
Happiness is such a complex word for such a simple and wonderful thing. I like how you’ve tried to unpick it – I think allowing happiness is a great concept. I know that for me, happiness comes in being proactive, responsible, authentic and connected to others. When everything aligns, it feels wonderful to be alive and there is true joy in the universe. Thanks for sharing and keep preaching the happiness gospel.
Phil
Phil – Less Ordinary Llving´s last post…Break free – Learn to beat procrastination for good
Hello Jen,
I love the quote at the beginning of your article. It really says it all.
Happiness really is a choice and while it may not be an easy one sometimes, making the choice to be happy will always improve whatever situation you find yourself in.
“The more we can be happy with our own lives the more difference we can make to others. ” – I love that statement!
Thank you Jenn and thank you Tess !
Keith´s last post…You’ve Got To Roll With The Changes!
Loved this article! Just tweeted it so others can learn more about the way of happiness.
Lance – I really like the point you raise about awareness and the changing nature of what makes us happy. Nothing stays the same forever including what makes us happy.
Evita – Thank you! It is great that so many of us are realising that happiness comes from within, not from external things. You are right – life is amazing!
Farnoosh – I really like what you said about thinking about our own happiness first. We can’t give what we don’t have! Thank you.
Gareth – Thank you for sharing your experiences. I enjoy a good Dr Who episode too! I think you hit on a really important point here … it’s those little moments that often mean the most. Great to hear how much you appreciate what you have.
Topi – As you say there is nothing wrong with wanting things, it is making our happiness conditional on getting them that gets things screwed up! Great to hear you’re choosing happiness.
Kate – great quote! It is really simple isn’t it?
Megan – how powerful to hear that you can be happy anywhere and how you intend happiness … deciding to be happy is one of the most powerful things we can do.
Mark – thank you. Allowing happiness really struck a cord for me too … it takes the effort and striving out of it and reminds us that happiness is here in the present moment waiting to come through!
Christine – Thank you! Your comment really means a lot to me. Wow! Your story about your car gave me tingles down my spine … you have a great way of sharing Christine and it was really touching to hear the realisation you had about the real, deep down bliss that is available to you whereever you are.
Jannie – thank you for your kind words! It is wonderful to be here and meet the wonderful community here. I am so pleased this post resonated and I really like what you said about not being shy to let your happiness shine!
Davina – spot on! What can we let go of? As you said, we don’t need to create something that is natural.
Karl – lovely to hear what makes you happy (especially flying your son around your home and watching him smile! I can just picture that). Thank you.
Stacey – thank you for your thoughts, you mention some great points here…. it’s ok not to be happy too. I think if we accept we won’t be happy all the time it makes life much easier.
Lavonne – Thanks Lavonne and I am delighted you enjoyed the tapping exercise … it has helped me a lot recently.
Phil – it is great to hear you have identified things that help you align with happiness … I think knowing ourself and what gets us to that state is so helpful.
Kieth – Thank you – really pleased this resonated. Happiness really is a choice.
Dani – thank you! I appreciate the RT.
Hi Jen and Tess .. happiness is … – how we make it .. we have life, we are alive, we have choices .. I love the way everyone is commenting on the simple things in life brings happiness .. that’s so true .. – if we have loads we complicate things too much .. there’s never time to smell the flowers, to breathe the wind, or the sea air .. to see a smile however vague from my mother – it’s the best right now. Helping others smile and offering words of encouragement while they work their way through their own lives .. it’s knowing we have something to live for & we understand that reason ..
Happiness is being bold .. thanks Jen and Tess – really interesting to read and see others’ comments .. thank you .. & my walk at Arlington Reservoir was bliss in the warm summer of an English day .. Hilary
Hilary´s last post…A stroll on the wild side …
Jen, I really enjoyed this article.
I decided some time ago to be “happy on purpose.” By happy on purpose I don’t mean going out and creating happiness. (Although, I do believe there are plenty of things one can do to help create more happiness in life and to sustain happiness). Rather, I mean I decided to really focus more on the blessings in life and develop more of the thought patterns that lead to happiness.
Your comment on creating happiness really got me thinking. I have often thought about creating happiness but then I realized that we fundamentally have the same views.
To me allowing happiness to fill our soul and creating more happiness go hand-in-hand. Creating happiness to me isn’t so much focused on the traditional definition of create: to cause to come into being, or to create something that would not naturally evolve or that is not made by ordinary processes. But rather, on another meaning: creation by intention or design. So creating the intent to be happy and designing a life that allows more happiness in. I guess the way I looked at it creating happiness and allowing happiness in are almost the same thing.
Leisa Watkins´s last post…Unhappy by Default or Happy On Purpose: You Decide!
Hilary – thank you! It’s been really great to read through everyone’s comments here and as you say get in touch with the simple things in life.
Leisa – I really like your train of thought and I agree, creating the intent to be happy is I think the same as allowing happiness. To allow happiness we still need an intent, otherwise our mind just does it’s usual thing. Thank you for your perspective, I am going to take on the practice of intending happiness from now on.
Hi Tess and Jenn,
My happiness lies in me and my family.
I am happy to see my daughter play in park, ask new questions each day! i am surprised how she can come up with some great questions and make me think for a moment.
My happiness lies in making some good supper as well when everyone is home…
“Happiness is a journey and not a destination”.
My husband mentions this that you don’t need something big to make you happy…even a short prayer makes me glow with happiness.
Enjoy the weekend!
Cheryl
Cheryl Paris´s last post…How to Live Without Regret and Stay Sane
Cheryl – wow! How wonderful to hear about your life.. I can feel the gratitude jumping off the page! Thank you for sharing.
Jen
It can be difficult for many in this very commercialized world Jen yet “We don’t need to do anything to be happy. We need to be happy.”
I’ve seen video of children in very poor countries laughing and playing, unconcerned that they should have more to be happy about. They are happy because they are playing, have friends and family, and some food to eat that day. Everyone has the right to be happy, and if they can be in their situation, shouldn’t we?
“Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.” – Nathaniel Hawthorne
Grampa Ken´s last post…Does Commerce Govern Society?
Grampa Ken – what a wonderful example. I really like what you said: “Everyone has the right to be happy”.. So true and if kids with nothing can be happy, surely we can. Thank you for that beautiful quote.. I haven’t come across that before.. Fits in perfectly with this post.
Jen
Fabulous article Tess and Jenn!
I talk often and loudly about self-care – about doing the things that make you happy, about making yourself a priority. When I am happy, those around me are happy, too. My happiness creates more happiness…and I’ve learned to cultivate my own inner well-spring of my own happiness drink. It’s there in good times and in bad times; when life is smooth or rough; in joy and in sorrow.
What makes me happy:
Crocheting (interesting to see someone comment on handwork!)
Reading
Sunshine
Reading in the sunshine
Yoga
Thai Kickboxing
Good music
Laughter (especially Olivia’s cute giggle!)
Traveling
The smell of sage, lavender, or lemon
The smell of clean
The smell of rain right before it falls
The first signs of spring – Crocqus’ in bloom
My children
Love,
Peggy
Peggy´s last post…How I Got On With The Mother’s Day Dare
I love anything to do with happiness! I am happiest with simple things . . . being with my family, wathcing animals, long walks in the neighborhood,
buying birthday cards, inspiring others, getting a good haircut, laughing, dancing, playing games, reading a good book , dusting, cooking for my family, making other people happy, eating a wonderful meal, reading blogs like this one, posting my first blog post!
Brenda’s last post: @www.BrendaStrausz.blogspot.com .. .Shedding
I find that happiness really is in the present. I become most happy when I am most genuinely curious.