I don’t need your approval to be OK and you don’t need mine. I don’t need your love and devotion to be happy and you don’t need mine.
It took me two different therapists and several years to finally take back my power and accept that certain family members, friends, coworkers and colleagues would never accept or approve of me. Never.
When I finally tired of holding myself back, I let go of trying to win others over. I let go of trying to fit in. I let go of trying to be someone I was not. I let go of needing what I so desperately wanted—their validation.
I’ve since picked up the shattered pieces of my heart and soul and accepted that some people will never love and accept me. Never.
I’m perfectly fine with it. There are over seven billion people in the world. There are plenty of people who love me and always will. There are people I haven’t met yet who will be crazy about me!
If you’re tired of beating your head against the wall, if you’re tired of trying to be someone you’re not, then it’s time to let go of seeking validation from others.
It’s time to be exactly who you choose to be. That’s freedom!
The most splendid achievement of all is the constant striving to surpass yourself and to be worthy of your own approval. ~ Denis Waitley
1. Be your own best friend. You cause your own pain and suffering when you fail to love and approve of yourself. Give yourself the love and acceptance that you want from others and your neediness will subside.
2. An opinion is only a story. What someone thinks or says about you is only their perception. Don’t allow anyone to define who you are or what you’re all about. Don’t allow others to decide your worthiness. You have a Divine legacy.
3. Think well of yourself. Remind yourself that the unasked-for opinions of others don’t matter. Don’t allow anyone to bring you down. Treat yourself with respect. Celebrate who you are. You deserve the best that life has to offer.
4. Observe yourself. Gently notice how you are around others and what you say and do to disconnect from your authentic self. How do you give away pieces of yourself to fit in? Learn to make the choices that are right for you.
5. Make a decision to stop. Stop pretending to be someone you’re not. Stop hiding who you really are. Stop feeling pressured to go along with something you don’t believe in.
6. Practice being you. Lean into who you are. Don't be afraid to speak your truth. Honor what you want. Don’t go along with the crowd. Be willing to walk away. Make decisions based on what’s best for you.
7. Find your tribe. Don’t take rejection and abandonment personally. Walk away from the people who don’t want the best for you. Have zero tolerance for those who don’t see your magnificence. Seek out like-minded family and friends.
8. Know what you want. Hold on tight to your own tastes, values, ideas and dreams. Take risks, commit and allow yourself to fail. Live life your way!
9. Serve others. Don’t be a people pleaser. Find the people who need your talents and gifts and look for a way to meet their needs.
10. Be kind to yourself. Accept your shadow side, imperfections and flaws. Understand and heal the parts of you that you’d rather hide. Don’t allow yourself to be shamed. You deserve to be seen and heard.
11. Live a life of awesomeness. Let your beauty shine. You don’t need anyone’s permission. You set the tone for your life. Be weird. Go in the opposite direction of the herd. Stand in your power, have fun and enjoy your freedom!
How has the need for approval impacted your life?
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Number 5 hits the nail on the head Tess. I still experience some of the shyness that ran my life as a child, and I still find myself wanting to fly under the radar. But guess what? I took your course and it propelled me forward, found a mentor and I’m being propelled even more and big changes are afoot. And best of all I pretty okay with it.
Thanks for this…we always need those reminders…those little nudges.