Do You Know Why We're Afraid?

shrink fear 

Fear is about loss. 

Fear is about the loss of familiar things. 

We fear losing the jobs we don’t like and the people we don’t love. This is what keeps us stuck in insanity. 

We fear losing the comfort of a habit that gets in our way. This is why we continue to numb ourselves. 

We fear the loss of pleasures that we enjoy. This is what causes us to lie, cheat or steal. 

We fear losing our youth. This is why we are deceitful about our age or try to stay forever young. 

We fear losing our money or never having enough. This is what causes us to ignore the people around us and to work an insane amount of hours.

We fear losing our status or recognition. This is what causes us to pretend to be someone we’re not. 

We fear death or losing our health. This is what causes us to ignore and neglect the elderly population. 

We fear losing our children. This is why they can't talk to strangers or play in the front yard. 

We fear losing our sense of identity. This is why we worship our degrees, titles and live in cubicle prison.

We fear losing our sense of safety. This is why we have stuff packed in storage units and supplies stockpiled for doomsday. 

We fear feeling unlovable and being unloved. This is why we become people-pleasers and lose our souls in the process. 

Fear sucks.

The only way to get around this nonsense is to understand that we really don’t have any of these things to begin with. Everything is subject to change and alteration.

Safety is an illusion. 

The only thing that we can count on is the present moment. Notice that you are safe right now and get on with what you need to do!

Please share your thoughts and feelings below.

Photo By Dan

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Inspiring Citizen Rafi March 11, 2013, 10:29 pm

    Hello Tess,

    You might be right in saying that fear is just an illusion.

    I reached your blog through Positive Provocations and feel that I have stepped my foot in the rite place because I got what I was really searching for..

    Let me give you my life example and tell you why it is good to have a little bit of fear.

    I have read similar books and articles which was asking to live in the present and embrace your fear. I did the same for 2 years by jumping into free lance training and quitting my job. I was not having a stable income and since I was the sole bread winner of my family we had quite a lot of debts..And after 2 years I decided that I need to start working again and look things from a practical perspective. Now I am working and leading a happy life. So before propagating anything I think we should say do what works best for you and we cannot strongly say that this will work.. Also over the years one more thing which we need to take into consideration is the fact that each culture is different and people behave according to their deeply rooted beliefs which has been working for them over the years.

    I would love to hear your thoughts and also look forward for our fellow readers to join the conversation.


    • Tess March 12, 2013, 6:28 am

      Hi Rafi,

      Unless someone has plenty of money in their savings account I wouldn’t recommend anyone quitting their job before having another one, especially if you have a family to support.

      If someone isn’t happy with their job I would recommend spend all of their free time looking for another or working on their growing their own business in their spare time.

      So many people preach that it’s easy to make money online. Usually these people are making money “selling the dream.” Don’t buy it!

      • David Stevens March 12, 2013, 4:49 pm

        I second that one Tess…
        best of luck with it Rafi…
        be good to yourselves
        Life Coach. Listener. Life Lover

        • Tess March 12, 2013, 6:55 pm

          Thanks for dropping by and offering your wisdom!

  • Bridget March 12, 2013, 7:41 am

    I agree that safety is an illusion. The feeling of fear can be useful as long as we don’t take up living there. It prompts us to consider a decision. And once we have considered and weighed options fear often goes on it’s own. Feelings are fluid. And they all will pass, especially if we take the time to honor them and what they each can offer. I don’t ever want to live in fear. But, I will use it to stop for a moment and think.

    • Tess March 12, 2013, 7:53 am


      You’re very wise! Thanks for your support and sharing with us today!

  • Peggy March 12, 2013, 8:06 pm

    Great great great post Tess!

  • Suzie Cheel March 12, 2013, 11:28 pm

    Yes fear does suck and fear also means we have to give up control in many areas of your life- when we release the need to be in contral we release the fear and as you say the illusion.
    great post Tess xo

  • Chris Akins March 13, 2013, 12:51 pm

    Hi Tess,
    Fear is indeed about change. More specifically, about our own confidence in being able to handle the consequences of change. Sometimes fear is warranted, but often it only serves to keep us from reaching our full potential.

    Thanks for another great post.

  • Galen Pearl March 13, 2013, 7:49 pm

    That’s interesting that you suggest telling ourselves that we are safe right now. Years ago when I was transitioning from a life driven by fear to one grounded in joy, my own little mantra was “I am safe.” When my fears would start to churn and make up stuff, I would stop myself and say that. It’s a wonderful reassurance.

  • Victor Schueller March 13, 2013, 8:46 pm


    I agree with you 100 percent! Fear stems from the fear of losing something — losing something that we perceive to be in limited quantities. If we can adopt a more abundant mindset, and realize that some of the things we fear losing are really available in abundance, we would be a lot less fearful (and a lot happier too!) Nice job with this one. I loved it!

  • Debbie March 14, 2013, 9:00 am

    Fear is one that I have been working on lately, thanks to Tess. Sometimes we do need outside help to point out fears that can be buried. Or we may know that we have a fear, but to challenge that fear we have to find out where it came from. Ones we find out the WHY we can challenge it and put it behind us with a little work.

    Thank you Tess for opening my eyes to my fear of success and helping me get it put in file 13 as they use to say. (it is being trashed further more)
    Hugs to you,

  • Surabhi @ Womanatics March 15, 2013, 6:23 am


    There can’t be a better person than you to talk about fear and being bold enough to face the fears. Lovely post. I totally agree with what you say about safety being an illusion. And I think fear is in mind. Sometimes going through a loss once makes us insulated from other similar fears while sometimes it makes us even more vulnerable.

  • Charlotte Rains Dixon March 16, 2013, 11:55 am

    Fear is such a sneaky beast and can masquerade in so many ways, which is why this direct list is so great. I often tell people that safety is an illusion, that we think we know what we’re going to do when we wake up in the morning, but really, we don’t, because it could all change in an instant. And usually I get puzzled stares in return because most people are really into that illusion of safety.

  • Shawn April 4, 2013, 10:38 pm

    Great post, and great discussion in the comments! I have recently taken the leap of faith and quit my job. I am currently running a side business that is not successful yet, but I am also looking for a less consuming “regular job”.
    This post has given me some perspective on how to manage my fear in this situation… And boy is there some fear! Thank you!

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