Mother’s Day, Forgiveness, Celebration and A Special Offer

by Tess

 

Being a mother is the most difficult job on earth. ~ Oprah Winfrey

I was one of 10 children. My mom wrote me the above note 25 years ago when I was angry with her for breaking a promise. It reads, "To My Dearest Daughter Theresa, I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. It's so hard to please all ten. I love you much. Mom." 

It meant the world to me. Reading it provided me with a light bulb moment. As a mother and daughter it was a defining moment. 

Being a mom is very difficult. I agree. There is no such thing as a perfect mom, perfect children or a perfect family. You only need to be 'good enough.' 

We know that and yet for some reasons we continue to have high expectations of each other.

As a mom you don't get a second chance at being a parent. You can't go back in time and change things. You can only begin again. 

Some mothers aren't capable of beginning again. Some can't. Some won't. It doesn't matter. If nothing else she gave you the gift of life. That's huge. This Mother's Day be grateful and celebrate it!

Kristy, Niki, Shelly, and Kara and their cousins on a porch swing.

Forgiveness

I made numerous mistakes as a teenage mom. With four daughters under four, my twenties were my most difficult years! I give myself credit for sticking it out. I so wanted to run. Disappear. Never come back. I was thin. Dark circles under my eyes. Depressed. I didn't run. I stayed and at 27 decided to get help. My commitment to therapy saved us.

Forgive your mom. She did the best she could do, with what she knew, at the time. When we know better, we do better.  Forgive your mom for the mistakes she made. Forgive yourself as well. Life is too short to live in the past.

A phone call

A child's voice, chatter, whisper, giggle, or laugh is music to a mother's ears. No matter what the age, we love to hear our children's voices. Go one step further than a text and call your mother on Sunday. Speak from your heart.

Make a card 

It doesn't have to be fancy. Homemade cards make a mother's heart sing. They have more meaning than a purchased gift. I don't know why. They just do. Write down three words, "I love you." Then sign it. 

Frame a photo

I love, love, love framed photographs. Some suggestions would be a photo of you and your mom when you were young, a photo of your family today, a photo of a special birthday party. My walls have always been filled with family photos. 

Write a poem

The haiku is composed of 17 sound units divided into three parts – one with 5 syllables, one with 7 syllables and another with 5 syllables.

It is meant to be a meditation of sorts, that conveys an image or feeling when you see or notice something that makes you want to say to others -"Hey, look at that!" (Wikipedia)  

My example:

A spring, sunny, day. 
Memories of you and me.
Warm hugs and kisses.

Bake cookies

What activity did you love to do together when you were young? Invite your mom to join you and do it again. My mom used to love to bake. I loved to help her. Time together will put her over the moon! Invite her over for a favorite TV show and a big bowl of popcorn.  

A favorite book or movie

Do you know your mom's favorite author or movie star? An offline shopping trip to a neighborhood bookstore is a double joy. Enjoy coffee or tea and a sweet treat. Keep your cell phone off and give her your undivided attention. Look at her with loving eyes and a heart filled with gratitude. She won't be around forever.

A weekend trip

Is there a bed and breakfast nearby? Is there a friend or relative that she would enjoy visiting overnight? Make the arrangements. Time together is priceless. Priceless!

My mom and her younger brother were very close. He moved from Indiana to Colorado Springs to be near his family when he retired. My mom was 80 years old when he became ill. I convinced her to fly from Michigan with me to visit him one last time. I have a beautiful photo of this precious weekend. 

Extend a helping hand

Notice what your mother's needs are. What small jobs could you help out with? Show up with your tools and supplies and offer to help. Do it with a smile. You'll never regret it. Never. Reflect on all the memories you have of her helping you.

Dinner out

Does she have a favorite restaurant? Before we moved to Arizona we would visit my mom on Sundays. We often made or picked up dinner on the way, when she wasn't able to get out anymore. I was blessed to live nearby. It's difficult to watch your parents age. Sometimes it's difficult to go. Go anyway. It's part of a life of no regrets.

Gather family together

This can be as simple as gathering family members together for a game night, family dinner, or family reunion. You don't have to wait until everyone can be together. Gather those who are willing and able.

Mentally prepare yourself before you go. Set an intention of love. Don't bring up old issues or discuss problems. Make it light and have fun! Learn to enjoy each other's company.

Accept your mother 

If you are an adult, speak well of your mother or say nothing at all. Heal your pain. Heal your past. You can't change it. You can 0nly change your perception. Learn to choose love over fear.

If you can't be with her. Love her from a distance. If you choose to be with her, do so out of unconditional love.

Live in the moment. Be in the moment. Be the love you wished you had received. Commit today that you will never say another unloving word again. Stop complaining. It's bad karma. Deal with it and move on.

Do a happy dance

 If your mother is deceased, send out a prayer, sing a song, or do a happy dance in her memory. It's worth repeating, celebrate life itself and remember how blessed you are.

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    { 19 comments… read them below or add one }

    Vidya Sury May 10, 2012 at 10:37 am

    The hand that rocks the cradle, rules the world. :-) My Mom lives in my heart. I can only recall all the special times we enjoyed together. She was a teenage Mom too. And I miss her. Always will, because she was my best friend, still is.

    Lovely post. Happy Mother’s Day to you, Tess.
    Vidya Sury´s last post…All that glitters

    Reply

    Susan Gregg May 10, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    Aloha Tess,

    My mom died in a car accident over 30 years ago. I like the idea of doing a happy dance.

    Mom’s are human and it is amazing how sometimes we hold our parents to a standard few could meet. Gratitude, forgiveness and acceptance sure go a long way. Loving your mom just because is a wonderful gift you can give to yourself.

    Wow, four children in your twenties. You deserve a medal and a big at a girl. The courage to get help and change is awesome. Imagine how many people wouldn’t have been helped if you hadn’t had the courage.

    Thanks for being you,
    Susan

    Reply

    Tess May 10, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    Susan,
    Yippeee! I’ll be your partner in your happy dance for you mom! Thanks for the medal, kudos, and support. I accept. Let me hange a medal around your neck as well. xo

    Reply

    Karen May 10, 2012 at 6:23 pm

    Yes – I needed to read that today – to be reminded that it’s not about me on Mother’s Day. I’ve learned to accept my Mom as she is and now I will take your challenge to say nothing if I sense some negative words coming out of my mouth. Great post.
    Karen
    Karen´s last post…Seeds of Growth

    Reply

    Tess May 11, 2012 at 5:22 am

    Hi Karen,
    You’re the best! xo

    Reply

    Cathy | Treatment Talk May 10, 2012 at 10:20 pm

    Hi Tess,

    What a wonderful tribute to Mother’s Day. That is amazing that you still have that note from your mother. She sounds very special. Have a wonderful Mother’s Day this Sunday!

    Reply

    Tess May 11, 2012 at 5:24 am

    Cathy,
    I have very few things from her. I didn’t need any because I had her love and that was enough for me. I have the note and a sweater that I gave her as a gift one Easter. Sometimes I wear it when I miss her;) Happy Mother’s Day to you as well. xo

    Reply

    Aileen | Kaizen Vision May 10, 2012 at 10:57 pm

    Tess, I love this celebration of Mothers and Mothers Day!

    Love your suggestions on how to celebrate Mothers Day.
    “Go one step further than a text and call your mother on Sunday. Speak from your heart.” We do live in text society so I loved that you included this. Having a real conversation with someone is far different than just a text.
    Aileen | Kaizen Vision´s last post…Connect With Your Intuition – Interview with Angela Artemis

    Reply

    Tess May 11, 2012 at 5:26 am

    Aileen,
    Thanks for stopping by! I’ve asked my daughters not to text me unless they call me as well. I’m blessed to get lots of phone calls.

    Reply

    Elle May 11, 2012 at 5:08 am

    Wow, Tess, four daughters under four at twenty, my Mum would have said you deserved a medal…and lots of hugs. Great ideas for celebrating with Mum…I hope everyone does it…they’re gone all too soon. Don’t be left with the coulda, woulda, shouldas. I still miss my Mum and her warmth and open arms and heart.
    Encourage one another,
    Elle.
    Elle´s last post…A Blurry Hazy View Of Life.

    Reply

    Tess May 11, 2012 at 5:28 am

    Elle,
    Thanks for stopping by! My intention is a life with no regrets. I wasn’t as close to my father. However I did the exact same things for him as well. I kissed and hugged him each time I saw him. I acted as if…doing so left me with no regrets and a better understanding of him as a person. It couldn’t have been easy to be a father of 10! And he was an active father.

    Reply

    Betsy at Zen Mama May 11, 2012 at 6:11 am

    Tess,
    This is a beautiful post! The note from your mother is also beautiful. Amazing what saying sorry will do for us! You are very wise. And I love your ideas for Mother’s Day!
    Betsy at Zen Mama´s last post…A Beautiful Poem and Inspirational Quotes for Mother’s Day

    Reply

    Julie | A Clear Sign May 11, 2012 at 8:10 am

    Tess, you deserve all the credit in the world for your hard work and sharing this kind of love. My Mom is gone from the physical but I still think of and feel her often, especially when I am doing my best to be a wonderful mother to my sons. A pat on the back from me to every other Mom just doing the best she can in each moment, every single day :)
    Julie | A Clear Sign´s last post…The Question

    Reply

    Harleena [email protected] Writer May 11, 2012 at 8:34 am

    Beuatiful tribute Tess!

    It sure is difficult to be a mom, and I marvel at your mom for having raised 10 kids, when we have a tough time with just two of ours. :)

    Yes indeed, it doesn’t really matter if you are not a perfect mom, as long as you are doing your best and doing a good job of raising your kids. We do need to be grateful to our Mother’s for all that they do and have done for us, because of which we are what we are – isn’t it?

    Being a teenage mom sure isn’t easy and you did a wonderful job by sticking it out that young! Yes, we need to forgive and forget the hard times our moms may have given us sometime, because we really don’t know the reasons for what they did and why they did till they tell us.

    Loved the wonderful things you shared, which can make any mothers day. But yes, I wish kids would make each day as good as a Mother’s day for their mothers, instead of really waiting for such a day to arrive once a year to take action. Mothers surely do deserve much more and better. :)

    I lost my mom to cancer a few years back, and though I never really tried the happy dance but yes, my prayers are always with her and i feel her strong presence all the time around me. She is truly my guardian angel:)

    Thanks so much for sharing this wonderful post with us, and wishing you a very Happy Mother’s Day as well :)
    Harleena [email protected] Writer´s last post…Why Mothers are Special People?

    Reply

    Galen Pearl May 11, 2012 at 11:55 am

    I so appreciated the story about your mom as well as your own story as a young mom. I made my peace with mom years before she died, but even so I held onto certain pain. Then one night I had a dream and in the dream I saw her struggling and I felt such deep compassion and love for her. After I woke up, I realized that my feelings had changed. I felt nothing but love and gratitude towards her after that.

    Love the image of a happy dance! That brought a smile to my face! Happy Mother’s Day to you. I hope you have a wonderful day full of appreciation, not only for your own mom, but for yourself as well.

    Reply

    Debora May 11, 2012 at 9:27 pm

    I too, was a teenage mother. I did so many things out of ignorance, but I can say that I always loved my children. They are now grown with babies of their own…which has given me a second chance to be better than I was back then; it’s called being a grandmother.

    Reply

    Nikky44 May 13, 2012 at 12:02 am

    I loved this!!!! Can i quote you on Facebook? The part forgive your mum? So beautiful!

    Reply

    kathryn May 13, 2012 at 9:29 pm

    Tess ~ Thank you for this beautiful post and wise words.

    Reply

    Emma May 14, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    Tess,

    There are no words to describe how much I love my mother. She’s in heaven now but her memory lives on in my heart. She taught me a lot of great things about being a good person and always doing the right thing. I could never do enough for her to repay her. I miss her but I smile at the good memories.

    Thanks for wanting to help us look at our mothers in a good light.

    Bless you

    Emma

    Reply

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