Accepting and Loving Yourself in 9 Simple Steps

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Accepting yourself is essential to your mental, physical and spiritual health.  Yet it’s not an easy thing to consistently do.

We convince ourselves that we’ll feel more worthy when we weigh less, earn more or have a great sex life. We give ourselves more credit when we have happy kids, a lot of stuff or important friends.

Without self-acceptance we never feel that we are enough, have enough or do enough.  We complain, compare and feel empty inside. Self-acceptance has nothing to do with external things and circumstances.

It’s not something we can gather or earn.

Self-acceptance is:

  • A choice to acknowledge and embrace your weaknesses, imperfections and flaws 

  • A decision that allows you to be your authentic self

  • A belief that you’re worthy and valuable “as is,” right now

  • A choice that enables you to trust your feelings, take risks, be happy now and have faith that things will always work out

9 Simple Steps for Accepting and Loving Yourself: 

1. Be present.

Make it a practice to enjoy and live life in the moment. Appreciate each day. Let go of busyness and hyperactivity. Now is the most important time of your life. Let go of what you have to “do” and choose how to “be.” Learn to be your own best friend. Enjoy yourself and your life. 

2. Identify with your higher self. You are not your successes or your failures. You are not your habits or your mistakes.  You are not your past or your stories. There is nothing about you that is broken. There is nothing to fix. Your essence is goodness and love. You are a miracle. You are whole and complete just as you are. 

3. Hit delete. Replace your negativity with high quality thoughts. It's mean to belittle, judge or punish yourself. Let go of self-put downs. Learn to think well of yourself. Treat yourself with gentleness and compassion.

4. Learn to trust yourself.  Do what you say you’re going to do.  Use your intuition or inner wisdom to dissolve any problems. Keep your promises and speak your truth. Integrity wipes out doubt, anxiety and fear. As you trust yourself, you learn to trust all of life.

5. Say "yes." You either accept or reject yourself all of the time. There is no in between. Poor self-care and ignoring your needs are acts of rejection. Learn to say "yes" to yourself. "Yes" to healthy living. "Yes" to self-honoring. "Yes" to self-kindness. "Yes" to goodness and pleasure.

6. Forgive yourself. Accept that you will never be perfect. Making mistakes is a part of life. Give yourself permission to begin again. Give yourself a clean slate. When you do, your entire life and spirit shift and you restore not only your happiness but an awareness of your inestimable value.  

7. Feel good. Self-acceptance feels good. When you feel good, you notice, accept and attract more abundance into your life. Your heart opens, your cup overflows and life feels amazing. 

8. Focus on your strengths. Praise yourself for what you do right and what you get right. Learn to praise and talk lovingly to yourself. What if you did that for the rest of your life? How would your self-image change?

9. Help others. Mahatma Gandhi once said that “the best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” Be kind, volunteer your time and help others get ahead. 

It is through service that you will discover your passion and place in the world. When you share from your heart, the gifts you give are multiplied. There is always enough to go around and you discover what really matters. 

Self-acceptance is about connection. When you connect with yourself, you simultaneously connect with more energy, more love and more joy. Life becomes magical.

Please share your thoughts below. Help me spread the word by sharing this post on Facebook and twitter.  

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Sandra Pawula April 23, 2013, 4:47 pm


    I love the reminder that we are goodness and love in essence! You’re right, it’s not always easy to consistently be self-accepting. We really need to take it on as a practice and these steps will help us do just that. Are unconscious tendencies can try to get the best of us, but if we really commit to these actions we’ll see a difference in time.

    • Tess April 23, 2013, 7:34 pm

      I agree it’s a practice. It takes commitment and persistence. The payoffs are peace and joy!

  • Suzie Cheel April 23, 2013, 5:41 pm

    Allowing ourself to just be comes with acceptance that I am enough and when we are accepting of that we feel the love that we are- not an east task 🙂

    Great post Tess 🙂

    • Tess April 23, 2013, 7:35 pm

      Not easy but so worthwhile. It’s a process and I’m not sure we ever arrive. Well maybe some do;)

  • Cathy Taughinbaugh April 24, 2013, 7:02 am

    Hi Tess,

    Great list here! It is important to accept ourselves for who we are. Self acceptance definitely comes from within. Thanks for the reminder!

  • Elle April 24, 2013, 1:18 pm

    When we’re looking outside of ourselves for acceptance we can get into some unhappy places…where we can’t feel good unless somebody else affirms it for us. Great list Tess…a valuable reminder to us all.

    Love Elle

  • Halina Goldstein April 25, 2013, 5:25 am

    You are so right about Loving Yourself being the key to it all!

    I’m noticing that much of the pain that we suffer is due to just that – and not entirely what we think it is. For example – and I know it sounds a bit challenging but it’s true – a significant part of the suffering when you lose a loved one is because you have not learned to love yourself similarly. In the process of moving through grief to growth deciding to love yourself and then turning the decision into practices such as the above is essential.

    Thank you Tess –

  • Debbie April 25, 2013, 8:51 am

    Thanks for the reminder Tess.
    As you say in your class
    I am not my fear
    I am willing to be free
    I am not my fear. I am free
    I embrace myself with Love
    I am enough
    I do enough
    My future is bright.

    Thank you for your wisdom and blessings to you

    • Tess May 1, 2013, 11:48 am

      You’re amazing. I’m so happy that you joined my course and took off flying! You’re the best!

  • Karl Galik May 8, 2013, 6:12 am

    I appreciate both the subject and people’s response. I agree wholeheartedly.
    I have studied and written on the impact appropriate love of self has on others in my book, “The Love Paradox: Lead Others By Loving Your Self.” Written from the perspective of a person of faith,
    I have discovered there is a profound need for assurance that we are worth it/worthy. When it is present we can be bold. When it is absent, so are life’s adventures.
    The cliche “rest assured” may not be as apropos as “adventure assured!”

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