Give and Do What You Want To Be and Have

by Tess


cultivate & consider
Creative Commons License photo credit: denise carbonel

Give and do what you want to be and have.

If you want a loving relationship increase your love of self and life.

If you want your teenager to respect you offer her acceptance and understanding.

If you want to make your dreams come true help a coworker or colleague with theirs.

If you want more calm and peace speak and treat others kindly.

If you want new friends become the one you wish to have.

If you want to be bold tell your fears you'll get back to them next Tuesday.

If you want to laugh learn to smile, lighten up and share your joy.

If you want to increase your abundance give freely with no expectations.

If you want to be healthy change your diet and exercise.

If you want to be more creative spend time in nature or learn something new.

If you want a more loving world live in a more loving state.

We create our own reality. To me this means we take responsibility and make the changes we want to see in our lives. When we change; our world changes. 

What changes are you making in your life today? Let me know how I can help.

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    { 48 comments… read them below or add one }

    Peggy June 9, 2010 at 9:56 am

    Dear Tess,

    I think the best change I ever made was to become the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Sure ‘nuf, I attracted the love of my life into my life by simply becoming the values I wanted in my soul mate.

    I became the change I wanted to see in my life




    Kristie Ryan June 9, 2010 at 2:52 pm


    This is so true! Sometimes I want so many things in life and want to create so much change that I feel as though I’m trying to practice a million things at once which then just gets overwhelming! Does that make any sense? I guess I just want it all and sometimes I don’t have the patience to allow the new practices to take time to work.

    I especially love the “if you want to make new friends become the one you wish to have” because I’m currently at that point. I would really like to make some new girlfriends, but have a hard time creating close friendships with women. I think I need to be more open and receptive and maybe that will help.

    I love practicing personal responsibility and like to see others do the same :)


    Patty - Why Not Start Now? June 9, 2010 at 3:22 pm

    The image of the hand has me mesmerized, Tess. It’s the perfect accompaniment to your bold, wise words. And these days, I am doing what I want by more deeply exploring my creativity and expression. Getting back to parts of myself I put aside for a time, unearthing and discovering new parts I haven’t yet met. It’s wonderful!
    .-= Patty – Why Not Start Now?´s last post…Meaning Mondays: Between Gratitude and Grief Edition =-.


    Topi June 9, 2010 at 3:35 pm

    Hi Tess,
    I’ve recently moved, and I didn’t give fear my new address.
    Topi :)
    .-= Topi´s last post…How will you be defined? =-.


    Belinda Munoz + The Halfway Point June 9, 2010 at 3:44 pm

    Hi Tess,
    Like Patty, I found the image of the hand enthralling. Your words today, simple and true, are resonant and echo in my days when I check in with myself.
    I adore these lines :
    “If you want a more loving world live in a more loving state.”
    “When we change; our world changes. ”
    Take care,


    Suzie Cheel June 9, 2010 at 4:11 pm

    Hi Tess,
    Such wise words. I love the image too. Yes taking responsibility and accepting that I have the choice about how I do respond has changed my life for the better.
    I am making some changes , finally have set up and have got clear about who I am
    .-= Suzie Cheel´s last post…Take The Passion Test =-.


    Wilma Ham June 9, 2010 at 5:59 pm

    Ouch, that is giving it right back to me. No complaining, wishing, whining, blaming. Look in the mirror and see who is the one I should turn too. ME!
    Oh Tess, I recently realized how I could get my daughter to go kayaking after whining she didn’t do anything other than working and studying.
    I gave her a membership to a kayak club and I am taking her kayaking duh.
    Now I have to set dates so we go!
    Yes, you hit bulls eye with this one, xox Wilma
    .-= Wilma Ham´s last post…Do you pay attention? =-.


    HappinessandWisdom June 9, 2010 at 6:03 pm

    A friend of mine, Michael Cavallaro (you can find him in various places on the web, or on my blogroll) speaks about how people are our mirrors. If we look at others and see things that irritate us, it’s because we do those same irritating things in some way. Additionally, I believe that when we look at others and see success or positive behaviors, we are seeing the success we have/positive behaviors we exhibit. Change ourselves…..change what we see in others. Sounds strange, but try exploring the mirror idea — I’ve found it is accurate every time…..when I’m totally honest with myself.
    .-= HappinessandWisdom´s last post…Review of a Book about Happy Habits =-.


    Keith June 9, 2010 at 6:25 pm

    Hello Tess,

    I know I’ve said this before, but I do so love the lists you put on here from time to time. There’s so much truth contained in these words and I want to work them all into my daily life.

    We do create our own reality and I see this more and more in my life all the time. It can almost be summed up with Ghandi’s quote that I love so much, “Be the change you want to see in the world”

    It seems that I am always in the midst of change these days (years !), but things seems to be taking shape now. How can you help? Hmmmmmm

    Well, I have come to truly trust and value your advice and input. Perhaps I could email you and ask your opinion on a couple of things concerning my new blog? =)

    Thanks again Tess, for a thought provoking post.
    .-= Keith´s last post…Pessimist or Passionate? =-.


    suzen June 9, 2010 at 6:38 pm

    Hi Tess! Great list and sage advice! I’ve become comfortable and kind of in love (in a healthy way!) with myself at turning 63 in 2 wks – no plans for any major changes/renovations but always open to possibilites/opportunities. Your list couldn’t be more right on!
    .-= suzen´s last post…The Independence of Solitude by Peggy Nolan – Guest Blogger =-.


    Joy June 9, 2010 at 7:30 pm

    Amen girlfriend…amen!!!!
    Today was a quiet day of gratitude and praise. each moment i found somethign new to thank God/the Universe for. I passed along a favorite book to a cherished friend. I wrote notes to loved ones. I took a delicious nap in the vberth with the hatch open and the sunlight and gentle breeze wafting in over me. I revel in quiet, clean, empty space. I look at my reflection in the mirror and say thank you! I am wrapped in Light and Love and I would have it no other way. Good Energy exudes from my overflowing heart, and I choose to allow only Good Energy to mix with it. I am growing the good and my garden is blossoming…I then share those blossoms with all around me:)
    .-= Joy´s last post…Monday Blessing: Days Like This… =-.


    Hulbert Lee June 9, 2010 at 8:38 pm

    Nice post Tess. Some changes that I am making for myself is trying to do new things, one of them which includes interviewing people which you should be familiar with by next week. :) I also want to add some to your list: If you want to get value, give value. If you want to be happy, make someone happy. If you want to change the world, change yourself! Awesome stuff!


    Patricia June 9, 2010 at 9:32 pm

    Oh I had to laugh at myself….I read live in a more healthy state/ or happy state and then wondered which was the happier state in the USof A…..not as in situation…ha ha… NY, NJ, WA, AZ, ?????which state?

    Good list from a good list maker who looks out for us all…
    Thank you
    .-= Patricia´s last post…A New Thank You =-.


    Tony Single June 9, 2010 at 10:09 pm

    Hi Tess, Topi’s comment made me laugh out loud. I think fear is the one thing I want to change. We all live with a certain amount of fear and uncertainty in our lives for sure, but what I want is not to be controlled by it. That’s the one thing I’d like to change. :)

    And by the way, I especially loved this line:
    If you want a more loving world live in a more loving state.

    Hating is easier than loving, I’ve personally found, but is far less rewarding.


    Kate June 10, 2010 at 1:00 am

    I know we can’t change other people, but I think to a degree, we can. As we make changes in ourselves, reactions and attitudes towards us change and it can seem as if there has been a change in the other person.
    Best wishes,


    Hilary June 10, 2010 at 2:20 am

    Hi Tess .. I love the one on telling fear – you’ll get back to them next Tuesday .. I’m clearing out completely, starting again with a clean slate – but with things in place to move forward – just taking the positives with me .. there’ll be some drag – so what .. the drag will get tired and fall behind .. positive wins out.

    Just being you and giving us all these wonderful ideas and thoughts – gives me a mindful of good when I visit .. be your bold self and I’m following on behind .. have a lovely weekend .. Hilary
    .-= Hilary´s last post…Food, Food, Glorious Food … What could possibly go wrong …? =-.


    Tess The Bold Life June 10, 2010 at 3:07 am

    @Peggy I love it! You’re a glorious example to all of someone who has overcome difficulty and is a newer version of her best self. It doesn’t get any better than that. You are a bold lifer that’s for sure!

    @Kristie, It makes perfect sense to me. Small changes are the ones that last. Remember one step at a time, one day at a time and before long you won’t recognize yourself:) Shine on!

    @Patti, Reflection, Creativity and Growth isn’t life grand???

    @Topi, LOL I love it and love you…thanks for making me laugh out loud! You’re the best.

    @Belinda, Truth is truth and will resonate with everyone who wants it. Thanks to you for stopping by and appreciating the bold life. xo

    @SuzieCheel I’m coming right over to see your new site. Clarity is Divine. Congratulations I know what work that is and appreciate it so much.

    @Wilma, Kayaking oh what great times ahead! Brilliant Wilma you are simply brilliant and I’m a better person for knowing you.

    @Happiness Wisdom I understand it totally! I will check out your friends site. I’m always interested in wisdom and PD!



    Sibyl - alternaview June 10, 2010 at 3:18 am

    Tess: Great post and so well put. It really is all about understanding that we do create our own reality and then choosing to do something about that continually. I couldn’t agree more that what you give, you receive and the golden rule applies to far more than just money. It literally applies to just about anything and everything we do and whatever we put out there will always come back to us ten fold. Thanks for sharing this great post.
    .-= Sibyl – alternaview´s last post…How to Be Immune to Unfair Criticism =-.


    Megan "JoyGirl!" Bord June 10, 2010 at 4:36 am

    I love this post! Oh Tess, you’ve done it again.
    Just the other day, when I was feeling a little low, I decided to “be the change!” So I hopped in the car, bought my boyfriend’s favorite cake, grabbed another “favorite” of his, and drove an hour to his house to surprise him. My EGO wanted him to be the one to surprise me (in that lower energy state I was in), but my heart said, “You do it! And have FUN!” So I did, and it was AWESOME! Ego be darned!

    When we are what we want, the Universe responds in kind by offering us miracles (or magic, glitter and butterflies, as Joy would say).

    Happy Thursday!


    Tess The Bold Life June 10, 2010 at 6:34 am

    @Keith, Yes do email me I’m happy to help in any way that I can:)

    @Susan Happy Early Birthday to YOU! I hope you have the best year yet. You’ll be enjoying your new place and that’s exciting to be able to exhale after all the work is finished. May all you wishes come;)

    @Joy you walk your talk and live your dreams. Who wouldn’t want to follow in your footsteps?!? Like the pied piper!

    @Wow Hulbert…if you want value give value…isn’t that something we all want. Talk next week, I’m looking forward to it.

    @Patricia, funny I love puns. I love my state and need to come visit yours. I’ve never been. I’ll be sure to stop in and say hi when I do. Happy Thursday.

    @Toni, YES I think everyone of us want to be free from the fear that sneaks in and grips us when least expected. I remind myself to live in this moment and remember I have all I need.

    @That is the mystery of change…when we change everything changes, most importantly our perspective.

    @Hillary Yeah to living a fearless life Hillary. We have so much to enjoy today tomorrow and always. Present moment living will calm us every time.
    .-= Tess The Bold Life´s last post…Give and Do What You Want To Be and Have =-.


    Marko -- Calm Growth June 10, 2010 at 10:24 am

    Over the last years I’ve got a pretty good understanding of how we create our reality.

    I am very sure that here you gathered most valuable lessons in the best possible way. The solutions seem obvious once we’ve done it… Great Tess…
    .-= Marko — Calm Growth´s last post…The Future of Personal Development Scene — Part 4 =-.


    Amit Sodha - The Power Of Choice June 10, 2010 at 10:36 am

    I’m going to pass this onto someone who I think may need it. What would you say Tess is a quick way of getting someone to shift their focus so that they can get to a point where they can start doing all of the above?
    .-= Amit Sodha – The Power Of Choice´s last post…How To Train Your Boss =-.


    The Exception June 10, 2010 at 11:50 am

    What wonderful lists…
    We have so much choice and so much ability – it is overwhelming to consider it sometimes. I know that I have changed a lot in the last few months – I am more open and accepting then I was… and I didn’t realize that I isn’t before. I am becoming my own path – and am excited to see how it unfolds but enjoying the days in themselves.
    .-= The Exception´s last post…Shared Wisdom =-.


    Evita June 10, 2010 at 3:29 pm

    Yes, yes, yes! Fantastic advice Tess!

    It is only through being that we truly become. And being that which we want, makes us so. So it really is a win-win situation.

    Some people sit by in misery and wait till their circumstances change, but we ARE the circumstances, so it is up to us to change.
    .-= Evita´s last post…Spas, Spirit and Lasting Wellness: How to Make That Great Spa Feeling Last =-.


    Jannie Funster June 10, 2010 at 3:49 pm

    If you want your 8-year-old to respect you offer her acceptance and understanding!

    Sweet Tess, you can help me today by smiling when you read this comment. And then laughing right out loud. And I will feel your love and joy and laugh too wherever I am.



    Susan Liddy June 10, 2010 at 4:04 pm

    This post is a breath of fresh air!
    Love it!

    Today I am focusing on Peacefulness and Sanity. I recently launched a SECOND business and I’ve been having a tough time feeling calm and SANE recently. Late last week I noticed how I was feeling and realized that I needed to put new structures into place. Maintaining my work/life balance is even MORE important now that I am running two companies.

    So, to create sanity I am BEING sanity. Because I want more peacefulness, I must BE peaceful. That includes taking breaks, breathing deeply and letting go at the end of the day.

    It’s working thus far… ;)

    .-= Susan Liddy´s last post…SURVEY RESULTS! What did you want to be when you grew up? =-.


    Jarrod @ Optimistic Journey June 10, 2010 at 5:08 pm

    Hi Tess, I’m a little busy on next Tuesday, can I schedule an appointment with my fears on next Wednesday??? ;) just joking!

    But seriously, I love these, I especially love the one that says “If I want my dreams to come true, help a colleague or co-worker achieve theirs” Thank you so much for sharing!!
    .-= Jarrod @ Optimistic Journey´s last post…Are You Spreading The Good News? =-.


    Davina June 10, 2010 at 11:02 pm

    This is so cool because in a way, by giving and doing it… you have it. :-) Love it Tess!
    .-= Davina´s last post…Sleeping with the Muse =-.


    Cheryl Paris June 11, 2010 at 3:55 am

    Hi Tess,

    When I was working… I always wanted to be on the other side of the table. I am just glad that I have created some opportunities with the help of my work which I am passionate about.

    .-= Cheryl Paris´s last post…Using The Extreme Power of Failure For Success =-.


    Brenda June 11, 2010 at 4:38 am

    Tess, so inspiring and just what I needed! Thank you for this gem! It never fails to amaze me how much power words have! How much fun to allow words to settle into our heart and bring us so much peace and joy. Thank you for your BIG contribution to adding so much joy to the world!


    Julie June 11, 2010 at 11:03 am

    Tess, I love this post. It’s far too often that I overlook these simple advices. Thanks!
    .-= Julie´s last post…Connie’s Babyshower With Family/Friends =-.


    Tess The Bold Life June 11, 2010 at 5:01 pm

    @Marko,I thing we have very similar values and beliefs, you?

    @Amit, I’m not sure if I’d say anything unless they asked for my opinion or advice. Until then people just arent’ ready. When they are they find the same thing I wrote every where in different ways.

    @The Exception You are in a very good and fun space. Enjoy and like you said live in the moment. Go at your own pace and don’t worry about what anyone else is doin.

    @Evita, Wow I have to process your comment. I never thought about we ARE the circumstances. You’re so deep and it’s part of the reason I love you!

    @Jannie, OMG call me when she’s 15! You’re a great mom don’t doubt if for a second. I’m LOL right now….

    @Susan 2 businesses OMG I wish you the best and see you successful! You go girl!

    @Jarrod Your welcome and yes you can call me anytime…seriously!

    @Davina Yes we have it! Amen.

    @Cheryl Not sure what you’re talking about but this I know for sure…It’s all good!

    @Brenda, Thank you and welcome to the bold life!

    @Julie, You’re welcome and don’t we all!


    Farnoosh June 11, 2010 at 7:28 pm

    Beautiful – my fave: “If you want to increase your abundance give freely with no expectations.”.
    Changes over here? Always enhancing the current self-improvement plans on reading classics, doing yoga, meditating often, eating better and better (going on a vegan month challenge) and increasing my patience (the hardest)……Thank you for reminding me. You have already helped, Tess! :)


    S. Ali Myers - Soulful Body & Mind June 12, 2010 at 5:05 am


    Nice “Reality Check” post!

    Slow down and just think. The answer is ALWAYS right in front of you. Life is simple. Unfortunately, we make it way too difficult. The ideas you posted are simple and easy to do but most people complicate things unnecessarily.

    Pause. Breathe. React accordingly.

    Thanks for sharing!

    - Ali
    .-= S. Ali Myers – Soulful Body & Mind´s last post…Are There Really Ghosts? =-.


    Jan June 12, 2010 at 8:19 am

    Yes, yes, such good guidance. Reminds me of something I read somewhere a few months ago…That we should stop talking about loving more, and how, or even “being love.” But “Just love.” Meaning, just do it. I thought you might like that, Tess!


    Barbara Swafford June 13, 2010 at 1:31 am

    Hi Tess,

    Your final words nailed it, We create our own reality. To me this means we take responsibility and make the changes we want to see in our lives. When we change; our world changes.

    So true. When we change, our word changes.

    You’re a very wise woman, Tess.
    .-= Barbara Swafford´s last post…Now What? =-.


    Chris Edgar June 13, 2010 at 7:57 am

    Hi Tess — thanks for this — the change I’ve most recently made, and the most inspiring one for me, has been to start to lead full-day intensive workshops. Well, more specifically, I just did my first one! This is what I’m here to do — no question about it — and I intend to “take it global.”


    Molly June 13, 2010 at 10:07 am

    Loved this post. Fabulous reminder. Thank you.

    One of my favorite themes is that the moment that we are experiencing right now, is the sum total of all of our previous moments. So what are we putting out there? What are we creating?

    And why is it sometimes easier to say that to others than it is to foster/nurture it in our own lives??

    Thanks again. Fabulous words.


    Lance June 13, 2010 at 11:32 am

    I’m actively working on this right now – working with a life coach to really dig into some of this “behind the scenes” stuff…and in that process, get a better view of “me”. Deeply good stuff…

    I am also really focusing on “fun”… and from that, I just feel a more playful home life with my kids and my wife. And that IS fun!!
    .-= Lance´s last post…Sunday Thought For The Day =-.


    Dia June 13, 2010 at 5:16 pm

    Very nice post Tess. This post reminds me of having gratitude. The more we are thankful for something, the more we get it in our lives. Thanks for sharing
    .-= Dia´s last post…How patient are you? =-.


    Tammy June 13, 2010 at 8:23 pm

    What great advice Tess. There are some changes that I want/need for myself right now and I know what I need to do to make them a reality. Calling in my support team too! Thanks for the post.
    .-= Tammy´s last post…Teach Your Children Well =-.


    Sandra Hendricks June 14, 2010 at 4:21 am

    Life is more than a string of coincidences, it is tiny collective miracles!
    .-= Sandra Hendricks´s last post…The Authentic Self is Different to Everyone =-.


    Billy June 14, 2010 at 5:44 am

    great post thanks for sharing your thoughts :)


    Mark June 14, 2010 at 1:26 pm

    This is wonderful! We do create our reality and why would we not to create that which we truly want?
    .-= Mark´s last post…The Aperture of Our Soul =-.


    Karl Staib - Work Happy Now June 14, 2010 at 2:23 pm

    Too many times we let other people create our reality. What a mistake! When we have the confidence to live the life that will fulfill our needs then we are living a loving and appreciative life.


    Wani June 15, 2010 at 10:31 am

    Thanks for the advice am been facing social problems in my life i don’t have confidence, am always shaking when am talking fearing i fail to speak what i want to am 20 yrs old and its hurt me sometimes if thinking of it, stress how can you help me.


    Marko -- Calm Growth June 16, 2010 at 5:34 pm


    I think the same :)


    Nea | Self Improvement Saga June 17, 2010 at 1:09 pm

    Great post! If we want something, we have to line up our lives in a way to create it. What I’m working on right now is patience. It’s one thing that doesn’t come to me naturally and I’m open to all the help in the world.
    .-= Nea | Self Improvement Saga´s last post…Life’s Struggles: Who Would You be Without Them? =-.


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