Love Versus Fear: A Moment By Moment Choice

There are only two primary emotions that everyone experiences – love and fear.  All other emotions are derivatives of these two.  All of our thoughts, feelings and behaviors come from either a place of love or a place of fear. 

Anger, guilt, shame, inadequacy, hurt, jealousy, greed and control are all fear based. Emotions like happiness, peace, joy, compassion and generosity come from a place of love.

If the emotion feels good, you’re coming from a place of love. If the emotion feels bad, you’re coming from a place of fear.

As we become willing to take responsibility for our thoughts, emotions, actions and reactions we become happier and more peaceful human beings.

Read on about common emotions and how you can change from a fearful state to a loving state.

Comparison is the fear of not being good enough. Our parents, teachers and culture have taught us the comparison game. We often compare our looks, intelligence and success to others and find ourselves to be inferior. Comparing causes pain and suffering.

Antidote: Learn to value yourself for your true essence and intrinsic qualities such as love, compassion, kindness and creativity. Remind yourself that you are enough.

Rejection is the fear of not being lovable.  Not getting what we want often leaves us feeling, hurt, annoyed and frustrated.  No-one likes to be rejected yet everyone experiences it. Everyone.

Antidote: Learn to put things in perspective when you feel rejected. It has nothing to do with your value. It only means you weren’t the right fit or the timing was off.  Regroup and move on.

Desperation is a fear of not getting enough or not getting your share.  Everyone experiences anxiety over not having enough money, love, time or freedom. It’s universal.  Acting out of desperation can cause us to cling to an unhealthy relationship or behavior.  

Antidote: Remind yourself that you’re not desperate. There are seven billion people in the world, if one friend rejects you, find another. Don’t forget that you always have a choice. There is no dearth of opportunities in life. Reflect on how much you have and create a plan to get what you need. Ask for support.

Anger is a fear of not being valued, not being seen as smart enough and not being right. Nobody else has the right to define you. Nobody knows what’s right for you, except you. 

Antidote: Become aware of what triggers your anger. Do what it takes to stay calm. Change how you think, act and react to emotional turbulence in creative and new ways.

Blame is a fear of being wrong. We blame others for situations and experiences in order to feel worthy and valuable. Being a victim justifies why we don’t have to change.

Antidote: Take 100% responsibility for every area in your life. You are where you are because of the choices you’ve made. Accept what you cannot change and change what you can. Forgive yourself and move on.

The best way to change your emotions is to face and embrace them. Stop the urge to fight, hide or block them. Don’t judge your emotions. Allow yourself to feel them and breathe through them. It’s simply life-changing.

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  • Kathy @ SMART Living August 19, 2013, 10:32 am

    Hi Tess….all of these are great reminders for a Monday morning! The first two are the ones that I still struggle with on occasion so I can’t read about them enough. Of course I KNOW I’m not the only one because the most read blog post on my blog of two years is “Comparison–A Speed Bump on the Road to Happiness and Simple Living.” I haven’t yet wrote one about rejection but something tells me that would be a great topic too. Thanks for the ideas AND for the antidotes for each! ~Kathy

  • Cathy Taughinbaugh August 19, 2013, 7:34 pm

    Love this line, Tess – “Accept what you cannot change and change what you can.” Letting go of trying to control situations that are out of our control brings love and releases the fear! Wonderful post!

  • Elle August 20, 2013, 12:06 pm

    “The best way to change your emotions is to face and embrace them. Stop the urge to fight, hide or block them. Don’t judge your emotions. Allow yourself to feel them and breathe through them. It’s simply life-changing.” So true Tess, feel them and let them go, just like a little kid. Super antidotes to what ails us!

  • Fran Sorin August 20, 2013, 8:42 pm

    What a propitious post. I thought of you the other day when I was reading somewhere the same thing – that all emotions are based on love and fear.

    As you know, I’m a firm believer in allowing negative feelings/ shadow pieces of ourselves to have their presence and be heard ~ so thanks for emphasizing that!

  • Betsy/Zen Mama August 21, 2013, 3:57 am

    Love this Tess. Love your phrase that if the emotion feels good it’s coming from a place of love. And I love the idea of having an antidote to every negative emotion. The Buddhists have antidotes to anger as well. I believe there’s 12 of them. I’ll have to reread that sometime.
    Thanks as always for the inspiration!

  • Sebastian October 19, 2013, 7:23 pm

    This is a powerful post my friend. I liked that you ended up with taking 100% responsibility for all our actions. Good post!

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