Give and Do What You Want To Be and Have

by Tess on June 9, 2010

cultivate & consider
Creative Commons License photo credit: denise carbonel

Give and do what you want to be and have.

If you want a loving relationship increase your love of self and life.

If you want your teenager to respect you offer her acceptance and understanding.

If you want to make your dreams come true help a coworker or colleague with theirs.

If you want more calm and peace speak and treat others kindly.

If you want new friends become the one you wish to have.

If you want to be bold tell your fears you'll get back to them next Tuesday.

If you want to laugh learn to smile, lighten up and share your joy.

If you want to increase your abundance give freely with no expectations.

If you want to be healthy change your diet and exercise.

If you want to be more creative spend time in nature or learn something new.

If you want a more loving world live in a more loving state.

We create our own reality. To me this means we take responsibility and make the changes we want to see in our lives. When we change; our world changes. 

What changes are you making in your life today? Let me know how I can help.

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    { 35 comments… read them below or add one }

    Peggy 06.09.10 at 9:56 am

    Dear Tess,

    I think the best change I ever made was to become the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Sure ‘nuf, I attracted the love of my life into my life by simply becoming the values I wanted in my soul mate.

    I became the change I wanted to see in my life



    Kristie Ryan 06.09.10 at 2:52 pm


    This is so true! Sometimes I want so many things in life and want to create so much change that I feel as though I’m trying to practice a million things at once which then just gets overwhelming! Does that make any sense? I guess I just want it all and sometimes I don’t have the patience to allow the new practices to take time to work.

    I especially love the “if you want to make new friends become the one you wish to have” because I’m currently at that point. I would really like to make some new girlfriends, but have a hard time creating close friendships with women. I think I need to be more open and receptive and maybe that will help.

    I love practicing personal responsibility and like to see others do the same :)

    Patty - Why Not Start Now? 06.09.10 at 3:22 pm

    The image of the hand has me mesmerized, Tess. It’s the perfect accompaniment to your bold, wise words. And these days, I am doing what I want by more deeply exploring my creativity and expression. Getting back to parts of myself I put aside for a time, unearthing and discovering new parts I haven’t yet met. It’s wonderful!
    Patty – Why Not Start Now?´s last post…Meaning Mondays: Between Gratitude and Grief Edition My ComLuv Profile

    Topi 06.09.10 at 3:35 pm

    Hi Tess,
    I’ve recently moved, and I didn’t give fear my new address.
    Topi :)
    Topi´s last post…How will you be defined? My ComLuv Profile

    Belinda Munoz + The Halfway Point 06.09.10 at 3:44 pm

    Hi Tess,
    Like Patty, I found the image of the hand enthralling. Your words today, simple and true, are resonant and echo in my days when I check in with myself.
    I adore these lines :
    “If you want a more loving world live in a more loving state.”
    “When we change; our world changes. ”
    Take care,

    Suzie Cheel 06.09.10 at 4:11 pm

    Hi Tess,
    Such wise words. I love the image too. Yes taking responsibility and accepting that I have the choice about how I do respond has changed my life for the better.
    I am making some changes , finally have set up and have got clear about who I am
    Suzie Cheel´s last post…Take The Passion Test My ComLuv Profile

    Wilma Ham 06.09.10 at 5:59 pm

    Ouch, that is giving it right back to me. No complaining, wishing, whining, blaming. Look in the mirror and see who is the one I should turn too. ME!
    Oh Tess, I recently realized how I could get my daughter to go kayaking after whining she didn’t do anything other than working and studying.
    I gave her a membership to a kayak club and I am taking her kayaking duh.
    Now I have to set dates so we go!
    Yes, you hit bulls eye with this one, xox Wilma
    Wilma Ham´s last post…Do you pay attention? My ComLuv Profile

    HappinessandWisdom 06.09.10 at 6:03 pm

    A friend of mine, Michael Cavallaro (you can find him in various places on the web, or on my blogroll) speaks about how people are our mirrors. If we look at others and see things that irritate us, it’s because we do those same irritating things in some way. Additionally, I believe that when we look at others and see success or positive behaviors, we are seeing the success we have/positive behaviors we exhibit. Change ourselves…..change what we see in others. Sounds strange, but try exploring the mirror idea — I’ve found it is accurate every time…..when I’m totally honest with myself.
    HappinessandWisdom´s last post…Review of a Book about Happy Habits My ComLuv Profile

    Keith 06.09.10 at 6:25 pm

    Hello Tess,

    I know I’ve said this before, but I do so love the lists you put on here from time to time. There’s so much truth contained in these words and I want to work them all into my daily life.

    We do create our own reality and I see this more and more in my life all the time. It can almost be summed up with Ghandi’s quote that I love so much, “Be the change you want to see in the world”

    It seems that I am always in the midst of change these days (years !), but things seems to be taking shape now. How can you help? Hmmmmmm

    Well, I have come to truly trust and value your advice and input. Perhaps I could email you and ask your opinion on a couple of things concerning my new blog? =)

    Thanks again Tess, for a thought provoking post.
    Keith´s last post…Pessimist or Passionate? My ComLuv Profile

    suzen 06.09.10 at 6:38 pm

    Hi Tess! Great list and sage advice! I’ve become comfortable and kind of in love (in a healthy way!) with myself at turning 63 in 2 wks – no plans for any major changes/renovations but always open to possibilites/opportunities. Your list couldn’t be more right on!
    suzen´s last post…The Independence of Solitude by Peggy Nolan – Guest Blogger My ComLuv Profile

    Joy 06.09.10 at 7:30 pm

    Amen girlfriend…amen!!!!
    Today was a quiet day of gratitude and praise. each moment i found somethign new to thank God/the Universe for. I passed along a favorite book to a cherished friend. I wrote notes to loved ones. I took a delicious nap in the vberth with the hatch open and the sunlight and gentle breeze wafting in over me. I revel in quiet, clean, empty space. I look at my reflection in the mirror and say thank you! I am wrapped in Light and Love and I would have it no other way. Good Energy exudes from my overflowing heart, and I choose to allow only Good Energy to mix with it. I am growing the good and my garden is blossoming…I then share those blossoms with all around me:)
    Joy´s last post…Monday Blessing: Days Like This… My ComLuv Profile

    Hulbert Lee 06.09.10 at 8:38 pm

    Nice post Tess. Some changes that I am making for myself is trying to do new things, one of them which includes interviewing people which you should be familiar with by next week. :) I also want to add some to your list: If you want to get value, give value. If you want to be happy, make someone happy. If you want to change the world, change yourself! Awesome stuff!

    Patricia 06.09.10 at 9:32 pm

    Oh I had to laugh at myself….I read live in a more healthy state/ or happy state and then wondered which was the happier state in the USof A…..not as in situation…ha ha… NY, NJ, WA, AZ, ?????which state?

    Good list from a good list maker who looks out for us all…
    Thank you
    Patricia´s last post…A New Thank You My ComLuv Profile

    Tony Single 06.09.10 at 10:09 pm

    Hi Tess, Topi’s comment made me laugh out loud. I think fear is the one thing I want to change. We all live with a certain amount of fear and uncertainty in our lives for sure, but what I want is not to be controlled by it. That’s the one thing I’d like to change. :)

    And by the way, I especially loved this line:
    If you want a more loving world live in a more loving state.

    Hating is easier than loving, I’ve personally found, but is far less rewarding.

    Kate 06.10.10 at 1:00 am

    I know we can’t change other people, but I think to a degree, we can. As we make changes in ourselves, reactions and attitudes towards us change and it can seem as if there has been a change in the other person.
    Best wishes,

    Hilary 06.10.10 at 2:20 am

    Hi Tess .. I love the one on telling fear – you’ll get back to them next Tuesday .. I’m clearing out completely, starting again with a clean slate – but with things in place to move forward – just taking the positives with me .. there’ll be some drag – so what .. the drag will get tired and fall behind .. positive wins out.

    Just being you and giving us all these wonderful ideas and thoughts – gives me a mindful of good when I visit .. be your bold self and I’m following on behind .. have a lovely weekend .. Hilary
    Hilary´s last post…Food, Food, Glorious Food … What could possibly go wrong …? My ComLuv Profile

    Tess The Bold Life 06.10.10 at 3:07 am

    @Peggy I love it! You’re a glorious example to all of someone who has overcome difficulty and is a newer version of her best self. It doesn’t get any better than that. You are a bold lifer that’s for sure!

    @Kristie, It makes perfect sense to me. Small changes are the ones that last. Remember one step at a time, one day at a time and before long you won’t recognize yourself:) Shine on!

    @Patti, Reflection, Creativity and Growth isn’t life grand???

    @Topi, LOL I love it and love you…thanks for making me laugh out loud! You’re the best.

    @Belinda, Truth is truth and will resonate with everyone who wants it. Thanks to you for stopping by and appreciating the bold life. xo

    @SuzieCheel I’m coming right over to see your new site. Clarity is Divine. Congratulations I know what work that is and appreciate it so much.

    @Wilma, Kayaking oh what great times ahead! Brilliant Wilma you are simply brilliant and I’m a better person for knowing you.

    @Happiness Wisdom I understand it totally! I will check out your friends site. I’m always interested in wisdom and PD!


    Sibyl - alternaview 06.10.10 at 3:18 am

    Tess: Great post and so well put. It really is all about understanding that we do create our own reality and then choosing to do something about that continually. I couldn’t agree more that what you give, you receive and the golden rule applies to far more than just money. It literally applies to just about anything and everything we do and whatever we put out there will always come back to us ten fold. Thanks for sharing this great post.
    Sibyl – alternaview´s last post…How to Be Immune to Unfair Criticism My ComLuv Profile

    Megan "JoyGirl!" Bord 06.10.10 at 4:36 am

    I love this post! Oh Tess, you’ve done it again.
    Just the other day, when I was feeling a little low, I decided to “be the change!” So I hopped in the car, bought my boyfriend’s favorite cake, grabbed another “favorite” of his, and drove an hour to his house to surprise him. My EGO wanted him to be the one to surprise me (in that lower energy state I was in), but my heart said, “You do it! And have FUN!” So I did, and it was AWESOME! Ego be darned!

    When we are what we want, the Universe responds in kind by offering us miracles (or magic, glitter and butterflies, as Joy would say).

    Happy Thursday!

    Tess The Bold Life 06.10.10 at 6:34 am

    @Keith, Yes do email me I’m happy to help in any way that I can:)

    @Susan Happy Early Birthday to YOU! I hope you have the best year yet. You’ll be enjoying your new place and that’s exciting to be able to exhale after all the work is finished. May all you wishes come;)

    @Joy you walk your talk and live your dreams. Who wouldn’t want to follow in your footsteps?!? Like the pied piper!

    @Wow Hulbert…if you want value give value…isn’t that something we all want. Talk next week, I’m looking forward to it.

    @Patricia, funny I love puns. I love my state and need to come visit yours. I’ve never been. I’ll be sure to stop in and say hi when I do. Happy Thursday.

    @Toni, YES I think everyone of us want to be free from the fear that sneaks in and grips us when least expected. I remind myself to live in this moment and remember I have all I need.

    @That is the mystery of change…when we change everything changes, most importantly our perspective.

    @Hillary Yeah to living a fearless life Hillary. We have so much to enjoy today tomorrow and always. Present moment living will calm us every time.
    Tess The Bold Life´s last post…Give and Do What You Want To Be and Have My ComLuv Profile

    Marko -- Calm Growth 06.10.10 at 10:24 am

    Over the last years I’ve got a pretty good understanding of how we create our reality.

    I am very sure that here you gathered most valuable lessons in the best possible way. The solutions seem obvious once we’ve done it… Great Tess…
    Marko — Calm Growth´s last post…The Future of Personal Development Scene — Part 4 My ComLuv Profile

    Amit Sodha - The Power Of Choice 06.10.10 at 10:36 am

    I’m going to pass this onto someone who I think may need it. What would you say Tess is a quick way of getting someone to shift their focus so that they can get to a point where they can start doing all of the above?
    Amit Sodha – The Power Of Choice´s last post…How To Train Your Boss My ComLuv Profile

    The Exception 06.10.10 at 11:50 am

    What wonderful lists…
    We have so much choice and so much ability – it is overwhelming to consider it sometimes. I know that I have changed a lot in the last few months – I am more open and accepting then I was… and I didn’t realize that I isn’t before. I am becoming my own path – and am excited to see how it unfolds but enjoying the days in themselves.
    The Exception´s last post…Shared Wisdom My ComLuv Profile

    Evita 06.10.10 at 3:29 pm

    Yes, yes, yes! Fantastic advice Tess!

    It is only through being that we truly become. And being that which we want, makes us so. So it really is a win-win situation.

    Some people sit by in misery and wait till their circumstances change, but we ARE the circumstances, so it is up to us to change.
    Evita´s last post…Spas, Spirit and Lasting Wellness: How to Make That Great Spa Feeling Last My ComLuv Profile

    Jannie Funster 06.10.10 at 3:49 pm

    If you want your 8-year-old to respect you offer her acceptance and understanding!

    Sweet Tess, you can help me today by smiling when you read this comment. And then laughing right out loud. And I will feel your love and joy and laugh too wherever I am.


    Susan Liddy 06.10.10 at 4:04 pm

    This post is a breath of fresh air!
    Love it!

    Today I am focusing on Peacefulness and Sanity. I recently launched a SECOND business and I’ve been having a tough time feeling calm and SANE recently. Late last week I noticed how I was feeling and realized that I needed to put new structures into place. Maintaining my work/life balance is even MORE important now that I am running two companies.

    So, to create sanity I am BEING sanity. Because I want more peacefulness, I must BE peaceful. That includes taking breaks, breathing deeply and letting go at the end of the day.

    It’s working thus far… ;)

    Susan Liddy´s last post…SURVEY RESULTS! What did you want to be when you grew up? My ComLuv Profile

    Jarrod @ Optimistic Journey 06.10.10 at 5:08 pm

    Hi Tess, I’m a little busy on next Tuesday, can I schedule an appointment with my fears on next Wednesday??? ;) just joking!

    But seriously, I love these, I especially love the one that says “If I want my dreams to come true, help a colleague or co-worker achieve theirs” Thank you so much for sharing!!
    Jarrod @ Optimistic Journey´s last post…Are You Spreading The Good News? My ComLuv Profile

    Davina 06.10.10 at 11:02 pm

    This is so cool because in a way, by giving and doing it… you have it. :-) Love it Tess!
    Davina´s last post…Sleeping with the Muse My ComLuv Profile

    Cheryl Paris 06.11.10 at 3:55 am

    Hi Tess,

    When I was working… I always wanted to be on the other side of the table. I am just glad that I have created some opportunities with the help of my work which I am passionate about.

    Cheryl Paris´s last post…Using The Extreme Power of Failure For Success My ComLuv Profile

    Brenda 06.11.10 at 4:38 am

    Tess, so inspiring and just what I needed! Thank you for this gem! It never fails to amaze me how much power words have! How much fun to allow words to settle into our heart and bring us so much peace and joy. Thank you for your BIG contribution to adding so much joy to the world!

    Julie 06.11.10 at 11:03 am

    Tess, I love this post. It’s far too often that I overlook these simple advices. Thanks!
    Julie´s last post…Connie’s Babyshower With Family/Friends My ComLuv Profile

    Tess The Bold Life 06.11.10 at 5:01 pm

    @Marko,I thing we have very similar values and beliefs, you?

    @Amit, I’m not sure if I’d say anything unless they asked for my opinion or advice. Until then people just arent’ ready. When they are they find the same thing I wrote every where in different ways.

    @The Exception You are in a very good and fun space. Enjoy and like you said live in the moment. Go at your own pace and don’t worry about what anyone else is doin.

    @Evita, Wow I have to process your comment. I never thought about we ARE the circumstances. You’re so deep and it’s part of the reason I love you!

    @Jannie, OMG call me when she’s 15! You’re a great mom don’t doubt if for a second. I’m LOL right now….

    @Susan 2 businesses OMG I wish you the best and see you successful! You go girl!

    @Jarrod Your welcome and yes you can call me anytime…seriously!

    @Davina Yes we have it! Amen.

    @Cheryl Not sure what you’re talking about but this I know for sure…It’s all good!

    @Brenda, Thank you and welcome to the bold life!

    @Julie, You’re welcome and don’t we all!

    Farnoosh 06.11.10 at 7:28 pm

    Beautiful – my fave: “If you want to increase your abundance give freely with no expectations.”.
    Changes over here? Always enhancing the current self-improvement plans on reading classics, doing yoga, meditating often, eating better and better (going on a vegan month challenge) and increasing my patience (the hardest)……Thank you for reminding me. You have already helped, Tess! :)

    S. Ali Myers - Soulful Body & Mind 06.12.10 at 5:05 am


    Nice “Reality Check” post!

    Slow down and just think. The answer is ALWAYS right in front of you. Life is simple. Unfortunately, we make it way too difficult. The ideas you posted are simple and easy to do but most people complicate things unnecessarily.

    Pause. Breathe. React accordingly.

    Thanks for sharing!

    - Ali
    S. Ali Myers – Soulful Body & Mind´s last post…Are There Really Ghosts? My ComLuv Profile

    Jan 06.12.10 at 8:19 am

    Yes, yes, such good guidance. Reminds me of something I read somewhere a few months ago…That we should stop talking about loving more, and how, or even “being love.” But “Just love.” Meaning, just do it. I thought you might like that, Tess!

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