Magic Monday Freebie with Steve Pavlina

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• Keith June 28, 2009, 7:32 pm

  Hello Tess,

  Certainly, this one the best things I have learned about relationships! When you can lay down the desire to be “right” you can pick up joy and peace in it’s stead. As you said, there can’t be an argument if one of the two individuals involved behaves in this way. I don’t know any better advice you could have offered. I only wish I had learned it years earlier! =)

  Keith’s last blog post..Think Big!

• Hilary June 29, 2009, 12:32 am

  Hi Tess .. yes Steve Pavlina does write very well, with some wonderful insights ..one day I’ll get to hear him live. His book looks really interesting .. so I’ve added it to my list to read and buy ..

  His expression of his raison d’etre .. is very concise and moving and certainly resonates with me ..

  Thanks for recommending his newsletter, the book and the event – all so worth while ..

  All the best – Hilary Melton-Butcher
  Positive Letters

  Hilary’s last blog post..Great escapes – or not? … cows, swine, swans, owls

• janice June 29, 2009, 5:41 am

  Ooooh, a juicy prize! One of the reasons I admire Steve Pavlina is that he doesn’t follow blogging ‘rules’ and stays true to his own values, writing whatever length of piece he needs to express himself and his beliefs.

  I use every tool in my coaching toolkit to try and get on better with folk, but I still blow it frighteningly often! I have a few bits of sense constantly running in the background of my mind like computer programmes:

  ~Shut up and listen!
  ~ It is what it is; stop shoulding all over yourself and everyone else.
  ~ There’s perfection in this – somewhere…
  ~ It’s better to be kind than right.
  ~Everyone’s doing the best they can with what they’ve got.
  ~Will any of this really matter in ten years’ time?
  ~What irritates you is a lesson about what’s going on with you!
  ~Don’t react, respond.

  Must stop – brain’s frying… I love your questions, Tess!

  janice’s last blog post..Take Time to Treasure What’s Important

• Megan "JoyGirl!" Bord June 29, 2009, 5:42 am

  I’m not intending this to be a “best comment,” but certainly a heartfelt one: I agree wholeheartedly with what you’ve said. The more I learn to soothe my ego and allow awareness to work through me, the less I need to be right, heard, seen, what-have-you. It’s more important for me to be love… And sometimes being love means letting someone else win, be heard, be seen, be right.

  Two million monthly readers? Wow! ( * bow * ) That’s fantastic!

  Megan “JoyGirl!” Bord’s last blog post..Do We Really Know Anything?

• Positively Present June 29, 2009, 7:34 am

  Communication is KEY for creating happy and meaningful relationships. I’m not the best at communicating verbally but I’m working on it because I know that it’s one of the most important things in any relationship.

• Tess The Bold Life June 29, 2009, 10:09 am

  Keith,
  It’s so true. This should be taught in first grade. I’d say at home but too many parents don’t know it. Required cirriculum is what may work.

  Hillary,
  When I sense wisdom I pass it on. He responded immediately to little ole me and shows he pays attention to us little guys!

  Janice,
  I understand because my mind works like yours! I think shut up and listen says it all!

  Dani,
  As long as you’re working on it you’re growing and that’s all we have to do my friend!

  Tess The Bold Life’s last blog post..Magic Monday Freebie with Steve Pavlina

• Chris Edgar | Purpose Power Coaching June 29, 2009, 12:37 pm

  Thanks for this. Eckhart Tolle has a great quote that I’ve found useful: “it is impossible to have an argument with an enlightened person.”

• jenn June 29, 2009, 12:51 pm

  I’m off to check out his site afterwards! And thanks for making our Monday’s meaningful! I always look forward to your posts! They make me think and I like that!

  What tools do you use to create happy and loving relationships?

  I think the first thing is a smile. I always try to smile at my hubby/kids/friends. Then open communication would be next. Sometimes two way communication, sometimes just listening. Always saying I’m sorry when I need to, admitting when I’m wrong. That is another biggie in loving relationships. Forgiveness when it is needed!

  The biggest thing I find with my marriage is I know he likes praise, so I give it to him. He knows I like gifts 😉 lol (little ones) so I get friday flowers and such. Its really understanding each other and respecting that. Working on it. Its always a work in progress and that is a good thing (i think anyways) lol

  Thanks 🙂
  xo
  jenn

  jenn’s last blog post..Simple Cauliflower soup

• Jannie Funster June 29, 2009, 1:11 pm

  The tools I use are hugs.

  If you’re mad at someone, just go over and hug them generously and say “I love you.” Melts you and your loved one like an ice cube on a frog’s back on a Texas late June day.

  A guaranteed winning move with parents, spouses, kids, colleagues, cats and dogs alike! Yes, even those furry friends who may have just left a little “brown package” on your best carpet.

  H.U.G.S. which I hereby coin this exact minute as “Higher Understanding Gratitude Strategies” (hey, not bad for off the cuff, eh?) are The Way To Go.

  🙂

  Jannie Funster’s last blog post..Five Little Lightbulbs

• Patricia June 29, 2009, 2:21 pm

  Laying down the need to be “right” was very easy for me, but motivating folks to make change and to resolve conflicts that were not right or wrong and yet something still needed changing took a lot of practice, and research…and that magic elixir TIME.

  I have felt as though it is vital to me to keep reading and learning and then putting into practice in order to live my best life.

  Patricia’s last blog post..Agenda for a New Economy: From Phantom Wealth to Real Wealth ~By David C. Korten

• Tess The Bold Life June 29, 2009, 4:05 pm

  Chris,
  I just purchased his CD’s to listen to in the car. I decided it would be more powerful than rereading the book. Obviously I forgot this line but hey I already had the method! Thanks for the great quote. I love it!

  Jenn,
  I love it Friday flowers, how cool and special is that. You two obviously have it “together.” And who doesn’t like praise!

  Jannie,
  The best and easiest things are right in front of our eyes. That is if are arms are in front of us! I love your acronym. Again you are a brilliant funny fool. Oops sorry I mean friend! 🙂 LOL

  Patricia,
  I agree, learn grow and put into practice. I hope that’s what all of us bloggers are doing. Because it’s exactly what we tell others to do.

  Tess The Bold Life’s last blog post..Magic Monday Freebie with Steve Pavlina

• Helen June 29, 2009, 6:26 pm

  Tess: how wonderful your tidbits of wisdom! I am learning – for the first time, really – what it means to be in a successful relationship. What I told a friend about the man in my life is that “I enjoy him.” I enjoy his be-ing; I am honored that he cherishes me. And I tell him that. The ability to verbalize directly TO him how I feel is a huge step for me. Risk taking is new to me, too; playing it safe is so much easier……..and lonlier! Thank you, Tess, for your affirming comments and willingness to share with all of us!

• Mary B Sheffield June 29, 2009, 7:26 pm

  Hi Tess ,
  My biggest rule is to listen . Really listen and to not text or multi task while I am listening. I truely believe some one you care about can tell just how much they mean to you by just a little time and respect.
  I have to remind myself that it is ok to be wrong . I am not the type to be angry it takes way too much energy !
  Also I make a point of asking myself wether I have walked in thier shoes ?
  Just a few of my laws to live by …
  Mary Beth

• Giovanna Garcia June 29, 2009, 10:19 pm

  Hi Tess

  This is a poem that a friend of mine gave me as a gift, she did say who it is by or the title. I title it:

  The Joy of being Imperfect
  I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, and my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I’ve aged, I’ve become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I’ve become my own friend. I don’t chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed,
  or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn’t need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.

  I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon, before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

  Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60’s &70’s, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love … I will.

  I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They, too, will get old.

  I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.

  Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody’s beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

  I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.

  As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don’t question myself anymore. I’ve even earned the right to be wrong.

  So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day

  (if I feel like it).

  Giovanna Garcia
  Imperfect Action is better than No Action

  Giovanna Garcia’s last blog post..Leaving Absolutely No Regret

• Henie June 29, 2009, 11:31 pm

  I would rather be kind than right! ~Henie~

  Henie’s last blog post..Passing Through Zero

• Davina June 29, 2009, 11:49 pm

  Hi Tess. I’ve read a lot about Steve Pavlina in the blogosphere and although he writes about personal development, a topic that interests me, I’ve never felt compelled to read his blog; guess I’m one in a million 🙂 Funny eh? Surprises me — it’s not about like or dislike — there’s just no resonation.

  I love the idea of “the joy of being wrong”. That takes a load off the shoulders!

  Davina’s last blog post..Guest Post: Three Shades of Happiness

• Tess The Bold Life June 30, 2009, 5:20 am

  Helen,
  What wisdom! “I enjoy him!” It sounds like you’re having the time of your life with low expectations being in the “now” of him. It can’t get better than that can it? You go Helen, I’m behind you cheering all the way.

  Mary B,

  How wonderful…listening with out multitasking! I’m learning to stop, and look at him while listening. You would think that would come naturally right? Not for me. Probably my ego wanting to keep moving. Especially if it’s something I don’t want to hear.

  Hennie,
  I bow down to you my queen of kindness and to your project. You are truely living on the edge while making the world a better place. You are in a special place in life and time. Enjoy every second of it. I enjoy watching you go and grow through your photography!

  Davina,
  And that’s why we love you…standing out from one in a million.

  Tess The Bold Life’s last blog post..Magic Monday Freebie with Steve Pavlina

• Elizabeth M June 30, 2009, 7:28 am

  I’m not a competitive person, so I have no need to be “right.” I’ve learned over the past five years with my partner that the important thing is to listen, not to try to fix anything that is being said. I’ve learned to trust the process of active listening, not listening in order to fix or to recommend something (unless asked.)
  And I know it’s Tuesday…but that’s when I get these “Monday” blog updates.

• Julie June 30, 2009, 9:55 am

  Hi, Tess. I really love the wisdom your generously share with us. LOL, if only I’d heard (and would have really “heard” it) when I was about 20! We never stop learning, and right now I’m learning that selflessness comes in a bazillion disguises. The version I’d label “just relax and let it flow” is pretty effective at deflecting a good tussle.

  Julie’s last blog post..Creative, Creativ, Kreativ

• Tess The Bold Life June 30, 2009, 10:40 am

  Hi Julie,
  I could of learned it earlier as well however I was pretty proud of age 35. I surrounded myself by older and wiser people.

  Tess The Bold Life’s last blog post..Magic Monday Freebie with Steve Pavlina

• Jennifer June 30, 2009, 11:25 am

  Tess, this reminds me…. Early on in our marriage I remember there were things that we would argue about where I knew I was right. It wasn’t an opinion or I thought I was right. It would be something factual. One day I finally decided to just let these things go. I would just not argue about them any more. It wasn’t worth it. I knew he would eventually learn what I was saying was right. It was always more fun to hear him eventually say I was right than to waste all that energy arguing about something that didn’t matter. That wasn’t why I did it, but that’s how it worked out.

  What tools do I use? When I keep my focus on God and work to magnify God in our relationship and not myself then things are always beautiful. – things like appreciation, respect, doing the things that I know he likes, even though I may not really want to. These make all the difference.

  Jennifer’s last blog post..An Extraordinary Life

• Tess The Bold Life June 30, 2009, 4:01 pm

  Jennifer,
  It sounds like you have a wonderful marriage and with your focus on God always will have.

  Tess The Bold Life’s last blog post..Magic Monday Freebie with Steve Pavlina

• Eliza June 30, 2009, 5:57 pm

  Wow, you learned that lesson at 35? Good for you. I was in my early 40s and had left a bad relationship where he ALWAYS had to be right, so, sadly I almost had to prove him wrong just on principle. Ya, it was a baaaaaad relationship. Not so with Mr Very Right. If he’s right, so be it. If I’m right, even better … no, just kidding. If we do come head to head on something we make a game out of it, and place a bet. But we do it in such a way that we both come out winners. Example “Mr. Very Right, I bet that you are wrong. If you are right, I will give you a full body massage. If I am right, you will give me a full body massage.” Okay, well, you can see where that leads …. like I said, both winners *grin*

• Robin June 30, 2009, 8:51 pm

  Hi Tess – I reckon an essential part of our relationship (Frank and me) is a strong sense of purpose – then when things go awry, neither of us want to hang on to it for too long, or blow it out of proportion, because we simply want to get on with the good stuff. I can’t exactly put my finger on what the purpose is, but it’s something to do with experiencing joy, love and creativity ourselves and then spreading it around (or something). – R

  Robin’s last blog post..An Eventful Month

• Barbara Swafford June 30, 2009, 9:07 pm

  Hi Tess,

  It was reading Steve Pavlina’s work that got me into blogging. Shortly after I read “The Secret” I was researching more about the law of attraction and landed on his blog. There I found his posts on blogging. One thing lead to another and I said to myself, “I can do that, too”. Hence, my blogs were born.

  My husband and I don’t feel we have to be right either. Our philosophy has been that we agree to disagree. Practicing that has continued to keep harmony in our lives and marriage.

  I also like how you shared, “it’s not necessary to have a “winner””.

  Barbara Swafford’s last blog post..How To Capitalize On Your Blog Statistics

• Jocelyn of I TAKE OFF THE MASK July 1, 2009, 4:55 am

  I’ve had tough times trying to be right, realizing later on that I “needed” to be right because I wanted to be loved. That’s what I believed in, that I can only be loved when I’m right. Later though, I’ve learned that it feels a LOT LOT better feeling loved even if I’m wrong, especially when I’m wrong. In such times, there is a lot of joy being wrong. Nothing can ever compare to the feeling that you are accepted and loved even when you’re at your worst, even when you’re the wrongest “you” you’ve ever been. 🙂

  Jocelyn of I TAKE OFF THE MASK’s last blog post..Of Frustrations and Expectations

• Tess The Bold Life July 1, 2009, 10:22 am

  Eliza,
  I’m glad you found Mr. Right and have it all figured out! Isn’t life grand?

  Robin,
  It’s amazing how once we know better we can stay in the good stuff for greater lengths of time until disagreements are a rarity. I love your purpose and what it means to you.

  Barbara,
  Thank God for Steve or we wouldn’t have you! Yes agreeing to disagree is perfect. I don’t know anyone who agrees with their mate all of the time so it sure makes sense, doesn’t it.

  Jocelyn,
  Your last two lines are the very best! How wise and happy your are!

  Tess The Bold Life’s last blog post..A Bold, Bright & Happy Summer

• Lance July 1, 2009, 7:08 pm

  Hi Tess,
  The tool that works for me is something I have two of – ears. When we listen to each other, really listen (with understanding) – things just go so much better. When we jump to conclusions, or block out the other person — not so good. It’s certainly not perfect, but I think we continuing on an upward spiral of really understanding each other – and that has made all the difference…

  Good thoughts here – all around!

  Lance’s last blog post..Set The Rebel Free

• Jocelyn of I TAKE OFF THE MASK July 2, 2009, 3:35 am

  Thanks, Tess. I know and feel you’re quite happy as well! 🙂

  Jocelyn of I TAKE OFF THE MASK’s last blog post..When Bandits Wept