photo credit: LivingOS "Forgiveness is like a muscle: When you practice on smaller things, you gain the skill to deal with bigger ones." -Fred Luskin Think of someone you hold a grudge against, someone who has hurt you. Are you ready to forgive this person? What does forgiveness mean to you? What does forgiveness require ... [Read more]
Health
“Forgiveness is like a muscle: When you practice on smaller things,
you gain the skill to deal with bigger ones.” -Fred Luskin
Think of someone you hold a grudge against, someone who has hurt you. Are you ready to forgive this person? What does forgiveness mean to you? What does forgiveness require from you?
Forgiveness is a shift in perception.
We change the way we look at a person and the situation that has caused us hurt and pain. It is a private choice, a process, even a way of life. Forgiveness is not only a gift you give others, you gift yourself as well.
My good friend Liz who lived across the street from me for several years began dating someone new. Her boyfriend came with his own group of friends, and she made it clear her new life didn’t include our friendship.
I cried buckets of tears. I vented to my spouse. Still frustrated, I went to our cottage with a large canvas, paints and brushes and painted my pain. I filled the canvas with gray hearts, split open with jagged edges. The background was black, red and yellow. I felt sad and empty.
I shoved the canvas in the back of a closet. Three years later, I came across the painting and realized the pain was gone.
Tucked in my heart were all the joyful and amazing memories we shared.
I knew Liz didn’t single me out for special punishment. Our story ended. We never know how long someone will be in our life. Therefore, it’s important to enjoy and appreciate every moment.
One exercise that helps me move on when a relationship ends, is to repeat the following blessing : “I bless you, I release you, I set you free. I allow you to be you and me to be me.” I find it simple, memorable and it repeat it as needed. Instead of reliving the pain, repeat the blessing.
Forgiving our parents isn’t easy, it takes strength, bravery and time. We do it when we’re ready. When we let go of the ones who hurt us, we also let go of the one who was hurt and broken. We give up that part of ourselves. We are no longer a victim. Sometimes we feel they’re getting away with something and we’re left to suffer. But as we grieve the losses of our childhood, we gain relief, peace and freedom.
Forgiveness isn’t for them. We don’t forgive to let others off the hook.
We forgive to be free from the endless cycle of pain and resentment that fuels the war within us. We forgive so we can fill our empty hearts with love. We forgive and gain our power back.
The deeper the hurt and betrayal, the deeper we sink into our grieving process and eventually move into forgiveness. Forgiving our parents can be difficult for some. The process may be long and hard.
Grieving has it’s own timing. It’s different for everyone. Honor your process. Treat yourself kindly and with gentleness and love. You may want to seek out the support of a therapist or grief counselor. I did.
Eventually, we have to let go of our stories.
Our story that we were unfairly treated or our parents were neglectful and abusive. Our story about our best friend who betrayed us and a boss that fired us. The stories are true. The feelings of being taken advantage of, hurt, betrayed and violated are real.
In order to release our story, it’s necessary to feel the profound pain, the sadness and the lonliness of the loss. We grieve the loss of the relationships that never were and never will be. And then we move on.
Whether you’re fogiving yourself or somebody else ask yourself, “What lessons can I learn from this? What insight can I take away?” We are all human. We all make mistakes. Always look for the lesson. Learn from it. Let go and grow. Go out and live your life to the fullest, don’t look back and don’t hold back.
What forgiveness isn’t:
Forgiveness isn’t condoning inappropriate behavior.
You don’t have to accept what another did in order to forgive.
It isn’t pretending everything is all right.
It doesn’t make us superior.
Forgiveness doesn’t stop you from making changes.
Forgiveness isn’t always reconciling with the offender.
When we choose to forgive:
We have happy hearts, healthy immune systems, less headaches and pain.
We release of the control another’s actions have over us.
We feel lovable and worthy.
We cleanse our heart from shame and guilt.
We release toxic feelings and grudges.
We mend our broken heart.
We free our energy.
We gain the freedom to love.
We transform our lives and relationships.
We increase your capacity for joy.
We are more peaceful, calm and confident.
We are emotionally and physically healthy.
photo credit: OregonDOT My daughter Kara began taking afternoon naps the moment she came home from school in tenth grade. Often I would have to wake her out of a deep sleep at dinnertime. Later as a freshman at DePaul University she became depressed and dropped out after her first semester. It was then that ... [Read more]
My daughter Kara began taking afternoon naps the moment she came home from school in tenth grade. Often I would have to wake her out of a deep sleep at dinnertime. Later as a freshman at DePaul University she became depressed and dropped out after her first semester. It was then that I recognized both she and I suffered from the condition called SAD or Seasonal Affective Disorder.
The US National Library of Medicine notes that “some people experience a serious mood change when the seasons change.” People affected may sleep too much, have no energy, and crave sweets and starchy foods. They also feel depressed. Krisha McCoy states, “Scientists believe SAD is related to variations in the brain levels of serotonin, a neurotransmitter involved in regulating functions such as mating, feeding, energy balance, and sleep.”
In the spring and summer she was fine but the stress from the lack of light in the dark, cold winter, windy; city months in Chicago took its toll on her. She was a victim of the seasons. I recalled what I heard on the radio years earlier and we made arrangement for her to transfer to New Mexico State. Kara currently resides in Phoenix AZ.
If your moods change because of lack of sunlight in winter months or if you work in a basement without proper lighting, work the night shift or travel frequently across time zones you could also suffer from lack of sunlight as you constantly fight against your natural body rhythms.
Many people with symptoms notice lack of energy, change in appetite, weight gain, loss of libido, change in wake/sleep patterns, poor quality of sleep, avoid social situations, irritability, inability to concentrate, tearfulness—even suicidal thoughts.
The following are methods you can help bring a dose of sunshine to your light deprived winter months.
A fluorescent light box– The main device used in phototherapy. The length of session depends on the intensity of exposure. Light boxes can be purchased without a prescription but a diagnosis by a qualified health professional is recommended.
Exercise-according to The Journal of Sports and Medicine aerobic exercise is the best. Walking outside in the middle of the day when the light is the brightest is very helpful. A 20-minute walk in the sunlight and fresh air can boost serotonin levels in the brain. Take up snowshoeing or cross country skiing, a little goes a long way. If you invite a friend it can be relaxing and fun!
Plan a vacation in January, February or early March in a sunny climate. Being a runner I go to Phoenix to see my daughter and compete in a local road race while I’m there. If you can’t afford to do that add fun to your life in other ways. Play summer music, rent summer movies, throw an indoor picnic and invite friends.
Be vigilant about not complaining about the weather and refuse to listen to others complain. It’s difficult enough to keep your energy up instead choose to look for ways to lighten up and brighten up!
Add light to your home. Choose light colors for walls, light colored furniture, forget dark curtains and sit near big bright windows. Force spring bulbs such as paper whites, grape hyacinths, and cheery daffodils. You can’t control the gray sky but you can brighten the inside with light and beauty.
Use aromatherapy to help your mind and body. Lavender creates calm and soothes nerves. Chamomile lessons irritability. Sage enhances moods. Lemon revitalizes and jasmine extends euphoria. Seaweed uplifts spirits and eucalyptus increases energy levels.
Include summer foods in your diet: Fresh fruits and vegetables such as strawberries, watermelon, sweet peas, salads or anything with low carbohydrates.
Finally, seasonal affective disorder is a serious type of depression; to a large extent it impaired my life. If your symptoms are severe seek help from a physician to discuss how SAD affects your health and well-being and the possibility of an anti-depressant medication. A quote comes to mind that says, “A smart person asks for help but a wise person receives it.”
Relocate. Many people see this as extreme. It isn’t. It’s the quality of your life we are talking about. Be bold, get a plan and make it happen! Take bold action or choose not to complain. It’s your choice.
In Michigan on average there are 158 sunny days a year. I relocated to Queen Creek, Arizona last September. This will be my second winter in Arizona. To see the sun and the bright blue sky on average 300 days a year is a big change for a Midwesterner like me. I am thriving here and to think I never have to go for a run in slush, snow and ice is truly a miracle!
Welcome! I'm Tess Marshall and I’m Passionate about supporting people who want to lead a fearless and bold life.
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