Don't Be Afraid to Ask For What You Want

 A part of bold living is asking for what you want. Watch my video to see how easy it can be!

“The world is full of genies waiting to grant your wishes.” — Percy Ross

Many people are afraid to ask others for what they want. So they go without. Know this need not be! I ask my clients to practice asking for what they want for three weeks straight. By the end of their weeks, their fear drops significantly.  

What do you want? Who can you ask? The following are a few examples of what I've asked for lately.

1. I asked hubs if he would be willing to split a dinner in a restaurant last Saturday. The serving sizes are too big for one person. His reply was, "No." Just because you ask doesn't mean you'll always get a yes. Don't take it personally.

2. I asked my friend Angela to help me with some Facebook issues. She said, "anytime." 

3. I asked my daughter for some new running shoes. She gave me several pair. She sells athletic shoes, I wear the sample size.

4. I asked a client to deposit money in my Paypal account prior to receiving my services. She did. You might think that's a no brainer, it's not. Several of my friends don't feel worthy of being paid on time. 

5. I purchased an article of clothing and decided not to keep it. I asked for a refund in spite of not having a receipt, and I got it.

What can you ask for today? Just ask!

Share your thoughts below.

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • David Stevens February 15, 2012, 6:13 pm

    Hi Tess,
    I like it and I get it.
    be good to yourself

    • Tess The Bold Life February 16, 2012, 7:32 pm

      Great! Thanks for stopping by. I appreciate your support.

  • Paige | simple mindfulness February 15, 2012, 6:44 pm

    Love the video Tess!

    One thing I’ve learned about asking for what you want is to BE SPECIFIC. When you put out your true intentions and start asking for what you want, the Universe starts to align things to deliver on your requests. I’ve had many times where I ask for what I want and, when I get it, it’s not quite what I was looking for because I wasn’t specific enough.

    Asking for what you want is a wonderful practice. If you think you’re being selfish or aren’t good enough to receive what you want, think again. Everyone is completely worthy no matter what their life experiences have been. Everyone deserves to receive what they ask for.

    Great post, Tess!

    • Tess The Bold Life February 16, 2012, 7:34 pm

      That’s right. We’re all worthy and sometime’s when the answer is yes we need to be ready to receive as well!

  • Joy February 15, 2012, 7:21 pm

    Hi Tess,
    “Ask” is the theme of my week..ask clearly, specifically, and then receive graciously:)
    Thank you for affirming my theme! And, I love the video:) I love that it is windy..’energetic winds of change’..makes it that much more fun!

    • Tess The Bold Life February 16, 2012, 7:34 pm

      Joy, You’re so poetic. I like that and I’m always ready for fun!

  • Suzie Cheel February 15, 2012, 7:21 pm

    Just love this Tess,
    Something over the past 4 weeks with a fractured humerus I have had to do much of- often a challenge for ms independence- great video BTW

    • Tess The Bold Life February 16, 2012, 7:35 pm

      I do hope you heal quickly. Mean while just ask and appreciate those serving you. I know you will.

  • Vidya Sury February 15, 2012, 8:54 pm

    Ah, Tess, another absolute to-the-point post that I feel everyone must read. While I preach this too, I am definitely guilty of hesitating occasionally, and losing the moment.

    My mother was a big proponent of “Ask and ye shall receive”. We have a popular saying “the crying baby gets the milk”. My son is quite shy and it drives me crazy when he won’t ask. The times I’ve convinced him to step forward and ask, he has been pleasantly surprised by the response he got, which was what he expected. Yet, so many of us find it hard to make a practice of it. I don’t really know what holds us back. Most likely fear – probably because we are afraid of being disappointed.

    I’d like to share an experience here: Years ago, when Vidur (my son) was in Grade 3 and was about to go to Grade 4, we decided to finish shopping for the new academic year. So we took him along and bought shoes, school uniforms, etc. The reason was – we planned to be traveling during summer and thought we’d be prepared instead of leaving it to the last minute. Well – our little boy had a spurt of growth during the two months – and when school reopening day drew near, none of what we bought would fit him. I, naturally panicked. Because this meant his old stuff didn’t fit too!. My Mom suggested right away that we go back and exchange what we bought at the shop – but I was skeptical. After all, it was two months and i wasn’t sure if they’d oblige.

    Anyway, as mom said, we had nothing to lose and everything to gain – so we set off. On top of this, mom suggested we approach the nearest branch of the shop rather than go all the way to the shop where we bought the stuff to check, to save time. We did. And guess what? Since we had the bills, they gladly exchanged it for the sizes we wanted. I tell you, it felt like a minor miracle to me.

    I remember many occasions in life when I’ve seen my Mom step forward and get things done when the rest of us hesitated. Many lessons learned. (She was a school teacher and later principal in a teaching career of 35 years)

    I needed this post today, somehow. Thanks so much, Tess.

    • Tess The Bold Life February 16, 2012, 7:38 pm

      What a wise mom you had! Yes I hear you about the disappointment stuff. That’s when we need to remember that we can’t see the entire picture and we don’t know what anything is for. We just think we do. Thanks for sharing your lovely story.

  • Harriet Cabelly February 15, 2012, 9:08 pm

    Love your video. Short and to the point.
    Asking is a powerful tool. Fear of rejection stands in the way of asking for many. But as I once heard so simply put and yet so profound – if you ask and you get a no, you’re in no worse a place than before you asked. So go for it and you open up your chances for getting what you want.
    Great post!

    • Tess The Bold Life February 16, 2012, 7:39 pm

      Yes that is such a great thing to remember. The crazy stuff we tell ourselves is what stops us. We only need to change our story and expect a yes!

  • Evotive | Aileen February 16, 2012, 12:42 am

    Tess, you are so freakin’ fabulous (and so natural)!

    “Just ask” Its a message I need to hear and I’m going to connect with boldness and do what you say.

    • Tess The Bold Life February 16, 2012, 7:41 pm

      Thank you. I need to take your compliment and praise in. I obsessed for two years on making videos. I finally got over myself. I’m the bold one after all;)
      I appreciate your kindness and support! Also I’m glad I could be of help to you.

  • Arvind Devalia February 16, 2012, 12:50 am

    Tess, I am running in the London Marathon in April this year:-

    Can I please also have a pair running shoes? UK size 7.5 πŸ™‚

    And can everyone please sponsor me for the marathon?

    PS I am actually walking the whole way – and intend to beat my personal best time of 8 hours and 25 minutes…

  • Claire Kerslake February 16, 2012, 3:40 am

    Loved the video Tess! Thanks for the reminder

  • Anne-Sophie February 16, 2012, 3:51 am

    Great video and message. It is true that we often stand in our own way by simply not asking.
    I had a rough therapy session yesterday and I am feeling a bit down and sad today. So, what did I do? I asked my husband for some extra love today. His answer: always.

  • Michael February 16, 2012, 6:51 am

    How true it is. Ask and ye shall receive. That’s why I ask a lot and often : ) Another important point is that we don’t always want to take no for an answer. While it is true that sometimes no means no, many times we simply have to change our angle or the timing of the request. Today’s no could in fact be a yes tomorrow. Fear of rejection is a terrible thing. It is worse than the rejection itself.

  • Bryan Thompson February 16, 2012, 7:55 am

    Hi Tess! Your husband sounds like me. I don’t share food. πŸ™‚ I share anything else my wife wants. But not food. πŸ™‚ I’m one of those guys who gets cranky when I’m hungry too. I’ll admit, I’m not much fun to be around then.

    But it never hurts to ask!

  • Fran Sorin February 16, 2012, 8:18 am

    My favorite one….asking your husband to split a portion with you in the restaurant and him saying ‘no’. BTW, how did you come up with the name ‘hubs?’

    You’re 100% on target about asking for what you want. There are so many opportunities that we don’t even see….

    Today I asked for quiet…so that I could just have time to write. Everyone respected my wishes.

    It’s all the pebbles of asking that give us the skills to go after what we want.. xxoo-Fran

  • Julie | A Clear Sign February 16, 2012, 12:29 pm


    I love your video! You are so cute πŸ™‚ Right to the point – what could be better?

    Actually, I thought I was a pretty decent asker, until the rubber met the road and I realized how much I absolutely resist asking! I am apparently all about the giving and forgot that I was worthy of asking, too. How dumb.

    So I asked for (and got) something really big last week and you’ve just reminded me that it is silly not to ask for this other thing that I’ve been kind of shy about. So what if I get a “no” from a few people, if all I really need is one “yes’?

  • Cathy Taughinbaugh | Treatment Talk February 16, 2012, 2:02 pm

    Hi Tess,

    You’ve inspired me to “just ask.” I like the idea of making this a priority for three weeks as you do with your clients, so will give that a try. Three weeks is a good amount of time to make this a new habit. Thanks for the inspiration!!

  • Melody | Deliberate Receiving February 16, 2012, 5:49 pm

    Awesome video Tess! It seems like such a simple thing – ask for what you want. But how many of us don’t dare to do that! I love this. And, the fact that you’re doing more videos, lady. Keep it up!


  • Evelyn Lim February 16, 2012, 6:34 pm

    I used to have tremendous issues with asking for what I want. I will beat around the issue. I will talk about the weather. But I will find it very hard to simply ask. I am so much better now. Still, it is not easy especially when it comes to asking others to pay an amount on what I feel I deserve.

    Great reminder to ask for what we deserve! Thanks for sharing! Love the video too!

  • Galen Pearl February 16, 2012, 6:47 pm

    I don’t have much problem asking for what I want. I’ve learned over the years, especially in professional settings (I was a contract negotiator), to ask in a way that makes it easy to say yes!

  • Megan Bord February 17, 2012, 6:44 am

    Tess, just when I couldn’t love you any more, you continue to expand and evolve and inspire me beyond my fondest dreams of inspiration. This video rocked! Just ask! I’m not always great at asking for what I want (comes from my upbringing, I think), but I know it’s important because I’ve also learned that:
    – people can’t read my mind (well, most people, anyway!)
    – some people feel good giving, but need ME to ask them first (so really I’m giving them something by asking!)

    Love this, Tess – and I laughed about you asking your husband to share a dinner with you. The fact that he said “no” and you just pointed out – so nonchalantly – that sometimes we won’t get what we want, but it never hurts to ask!


  • Beth February 17, 2012, 6:45 am

    Love the video Tess. I guess with me, like many people, it’s the fear of rejection that can stop me asking for things in my tracks.

  • Stephen Martin February 17, 2012, 11:35 am

    Tess — right on the money. Reminds me of a true story I heard recently about a lawyer who couldn’t make partner because he didn’t bring in enough new clients. Finally, after tons of hesitation, he went to the partner in the firm who brought in the most new business and asked him point-blank how he did it. The partner was actually flattered to be consulted. He laid out the whole process for him and even helped the junior lawyer develop his own business development plan. The most amazing part: it was the first time anyone in the firm had ever gone to that partner with a request for help! As you remind us, there’s no harm in asking.

  • Steve Rice February 17, 2012, 1:49 pm

    Tess, this is such a simple step. I love when you take the philosophical and boil it down to a simple technique or step that we can all take. It’s amazing how hesitant we are to ask for what we want…bot from those around us and from the universe itself.

    We fear asking for that perfect job, ideal locale, and healthy relationship. For me, it comes down to a matter of “seeing”. When I can’t see myself with these things, I tend to be insecure in asking for them. When I do see that I am worthy (and capable of creating these things for myself), I’m confident to ask for them. Another interesting thing is that I then develop an expectation about creating that which I want in my life. Usually it appears in one way or another.

  • Kim Gibbons February 17, 2012, 1:58 pm

    Hi Tess,

    Love your video. So simple yet we (I) can make this so complicated. My fiancee and I are planning our wedding (mostly me as he works 2 jobs) and I kept feeling overwhelmed and stressed (even though we are keeping it, the details, so simple). We talked the other night and the solution was so simple~ASK for help. So, this week, and throughout the process I will be asking friends for help. Delegate. Your video just reiterated this profound, truly life changing technique.

    Thanks for being here. By the way, LOVE the wind in your video πŸ™‚

  • Sibyl February 17, 2012, 5:47 pm

    I am soooo loving that suggestion Tess and will definitely put it to use:) Great video and so cool to see you again on screen:)

  • Noel February 17, 2012, 10:21 pm

    Sometimes we are the first one who give ourselves the ‘No’ before we ask the others. Fear of rejection, fear of the unforeseen results, fear of the sky will drop :D. So the key point is to just give ourselves the green light first. Thanks Tess~

  • Jonathon Trego February 18, 2012, 2:53 am

    I loved the video and the post equally. I’m truly inspired by this post and will not be afraid to ask for whatever I want.

    Thanks for sharing.


  • Marilyn February 18, 2012, 4:37 pm

    Watching your video is inspiring me to keep at it. Thanks Tess
    It’s a great message and a good one to be reminded of as it gives others a chance to contribute to us. Something I tend to forget some times.

  • Betsy at Zen Mama February 19, 2012, 3:15 am

    My husband is very good at asking for things and guess what? He almost always gets what he asks for. I’m getting better at it but thanks for the reminder!! And great video!!

  • wanda February 19, 2012, 7:41 am

    Great point Tess
    I often have this conversation with my clients, especially when it comes to food. I own a personal training and power coaching business and the subject of eating healthy always comes up. The women more often than not will say oh my kids won’t eat healthy. I say who is the parent here and who does the shopping? Women generally have a hard time asking for they want and always thinking of others first.
    Ask there are two responses, yes and no if you don’t like the answers ask again.

  • Lisa H. February 21, 2012, 8:41 am

    If you don’t ask for what you want, you won’t get it. It is as simple as that. In the past, I have allowed fear to keep me from asking for what I want–that is no more. I have dedicated 2012 to fearless change–feeling the fear and asking for what I want anyway. And although I recognize that I may not always get what I want, I still need to ask for it and ask for it again. πŸ™‚

  • Vic February 21, 2012, 9:02 pm

    I always try to ask for what I want. The trick is to not be so demanding when you ask. Sometimes you can get what you want, when you learn how to ask for what you want.


  • Farnoosh February 21, 2012, 9:13 pm

    Tess, I LOVE YOUR VIDEOS! :)))

  • rob white February 22, 2012, 7:34 am

    Ahh, powerful one, Tess.. Just Ask! I love that. “I asked a client to deposit money in my Paypal account prior” This is a big one for a lot of folks when is comes to feeling worthy, not only in the domain of money, but worthy of all that is good and beautiful. We must make it a habit to ask enthusiastically and with conviction. Enthusiasm and conviction offers the energy we need to sell convincingly to our mind, so it listens to us. Only then will others truly hear what we are asking for.

  • Basma February 26, 2012, 10:37 am

    I have a problem asking even sometimes asking for my rights! Im so independent and I like to depend on myself in everythig.. but this is exhausting! But still I cant ask people favors, I feel that I am downgrading myself this way.. I hate the feeling that I need someone! I always like to do it myself and be self-sufficient… If I asked for something I would pay for it.. and if someone did me a favor I feel deep inside that I have to something BACK.. I believe life isnt that sensitive and it is ok if ppl did favors for me, but to ask for one is soooooo hard to me!!

  • Elena Anne March 2, 2012, 5:20 am

    I agree Tess. It is very important to learn to ask what we want. Sometimes we are disappointed because the others do not understand themselves, what we want.They also have their own concerns, problems and we are selfish because we expect from them to understand us without talking. It is also important to make clear what we DON’T want. To set our boundaries.
    Interesting post Tess, thank you πŸ™‚

  • Savvy Scot March 2, 2012, 11:39 am

    So simple yet so effective! You don’t ask – You don’t get. Really like this post and I am glad that I found your blog πŸ™‚

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