Getting Rid of Fear: A Mind Game You Can’t Win

by Tess



A guest post by Lorraine Cohen

"You are allowed to be scared. Fear doesn’t come up because you did something wrong, you’re doomed, or you look funny. Fear comes up because you’re not seeing some gorgeous, valuable and much-needed jewel right where you’re standing, and it will absolutely not let you go out that door without it." – Mark Silver 

I’ve been dancing with fear all my life. For example, when I was in my 30’s I overcame fear of public speaking to become a sought after speaker and I moved to a new state with little money and no steady income to build a coaching/spiritual guidance/therapy practice that is approaching its 28th year. Was it scary? Hell yeah.

How did I deal with my fears and doubts? At the time I used what most people were working with: affirmations, creative visualization, focusing on being in the present, breathing, hypnosis, emotionally eating….techniques geared to interrupt the mental messages, body sensations, and change beliefs and “get rid” of the fear feelings.

The focus was all about stopping and getting rid of unwanted fears and feelings.

In the late 1990’s my life fell apart for the second time.  After buying a new home, a new car, doing some home renovations, my therapy practice suddenly began to steadily decline.

Money fears created a panic and I found the usual mind control techniques failed to provide any long term relief. I had periods of feeling terrified, helpless, angry, desperate, and sad. At other times I saw something miraculous happening that would change my life if I just stayed strong, trusted and went the distance through the darkness into the Light.

What was missing?

I began to understand the missing pieces. Realized, facing fear is not about overcoming it, it is about walking through it. I began looking at fear in a new light…

Instead, imagine seeing fear as an ally to:

  • Keep you out of harm’s way by alerting you to danger
  • Help you to discern when you need to set healthy boundaries to be safe and protected
  • Support you in developing courage to show up to LIFE
  • Build faith in yourself, others, and God
  • Provide motivational and inspirational energy to break through perceived limitations and illusions to stand in your greatness.
  • Show you when the “little you” inside needs attention and comfort; to feel love, care, and protection
  • Empower you to find your voice in your relationships, your business and in the message you wish to share with the world.
  • And most importantly, show you when you have disconnected from the Divine within you, the true source of your power.

Trying to overcome fear by getting "rid of it" is a mind game you can’t win. 

As long as you see your fears as an enemy to defeat, you will continue to wage war against yourself.

To transform fear you must walk through it… to see the illusions and reclaim your Power.

The darkness or challenge is a pathway to the Light. You can get stuck in the story of a perceived problem. When you look for the deeper meaning of each experience that challenges you, you will always find healing, learning and growth opportunities.

Debbie Ford once wrote:

“Love the fears that you hold in your hand more than anything you have ever loved before.

Think about all the hours you have spent trying to deny, avoid, and get rid of these fears, and thank them for showing you your human limitations

Thank your fear for sending you out to look for ways to get rid of it. Look at how you have grown, healed and evolved in your search! Think of all you've discovered during your search! 

Thank your fear for bringing you into a journey of self-discovery to find your True Self and reunite with The Divine

Thank your fear for guiding you to see illusions created by your mind and being the catalyst for inspiration and motivation to take steps in faith, trust, and courage.

Thank your fear for helping you to reach out and connect with others, for your fear is probably what brought you to buy this audio!

Thank your soul for bringing fear into your life as a pathway to find your way back home to God – this presence within you that loves you dearly– this energy that always triumphs fear.

Love your fears as you would anything you cherish- bless them, honor them, and use them as the sacred reminders that they are…lighting the way back to the wholeness of your Sacred Self and into the loving embrace of the Divine. “

Beautiful wisdom….

You are living at an auspicious time in history, waking up to see life through a new set of eyes in this Era of Enlightenment.  Fear will continue to be a part of your life experience as you grow and evolve.

A critical key to dance in this new energy is to learn how to live in the present moment, embracing each experience without resistance and allowing your feelings to be fully felt without trying to control, manage, move, and direct their elimination.

Any attempt you do to try to control your experience will create more resistance and suffering.

Imagine a fire burning and your resistance is like continuing to throw logs on the fire to keep it going.

Feel your fears (and every emotion) without focusing on the mental story your mind/ego is creating.

Experience your emotions as the energy they are and breathe into them, doing NOTHING. Just feel, breathe and notice… body sensations, thoughts swirling…whatever…..let your emotions play out….

Without resistance and actively engaging your efforts to get rid of or stop what you don’t want to feel, the emotions will begin to burn out and fall apart leading to transformation. Peace and Grace will rush in when you stop fighting.

I always make a connection with the Divine; to feel the Presence within me to help me stay strong and present as I walk through my pain which is part of the Grace Release Process I use and teach my clients to master.

In fact, the most powerfull partner to help you change your relationship with fear and have an extraordinary life is God/Higher Power/Jesus/The Divine/Inner Presence….

Final note; In the last five years I have faced a third period of my life falling apart; almost losing my home, financial debt, business decline, breast cancer diagnosis (I am quite well) and many dark moments of pain, I have never felt stronger, more alive or richer. What has helped me is my community, my faith and trust, my inner guidance, most of all, God. Fear no longer dominates my life. Joy, peace, abundance, gratitude, love..does.

Embrace your fears with love instead of judging them and doing battle. Your life will change…

About Lorraine Cohen:


Lorraine uses her extraordinary spiritual and intuitive gifts to empower clients to transform fear, release their burdens, and liberate their True Self; to live a life that is ‘awake and authentic’ and to create a reality that is conscious, deliberate and meaningful. Humanity’s awakening is her deepest prayer and commitment. Learn more about Lorraine here: Lorraine Cohen and sign up to receive her FREE meditation, special events, and ezine, “Connecting With Your Sacred Self.”  Visit her on Facebook

PS…My awesome friend Alex Blackwell, has a brand new book, Letting Go: 25 True Stories of Peace, Hope and Surrender, is now available exclusively from Amazon. This is your chance to let go of your baggage before 2014!


{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Fran Sorin November 11, 2013 at 9:40 am

Lorraine -

A woman after my own heart – I connected with your words. Using our fears as allies is a strong and smart stance.

Tess- thanks for hosting Lorraine. I appreciate it -xxoo-Fran
Fran Sorin´s last post…7 Strategies On How To Live A Meaningful Life


Tess November 11, 2013 at 2:19 pm

Thanks Fran for sharing your wisdom here!


Elle November 11, 2013 at 1:05 pm

Wonderful wise words Lorraine – I especially loved …. Any attempt you do to try to control your experience will create more resistance and suffering. I’m a great proponent of releasing, it works so well in my life.

Thanks Tess for sharing.
Elle´s last post…How To Stay On Track When Things Are Falling Apart


Tess November 11, 2013 at 2:20 pm

Hi Elle,

I’m on board. I’m all for releasing fear and anything else that may hold me back. Thanks for stopping by!


Ashish khodwe November 11, 2013 at 8:49 pm

hello maam ……….

thanks for such nice article…..i am professor in Electronic and Telecommunication dept. in india…………mostly i have been with my dear students ……..tell them how fear is father of all suffering ….how fear hold you back in your life…..
you know whenever i want to learn about any thing , i just tell this to my inner self ,to my own consciousness…to my surprise my consciousness lead to me to that thing what i want to learn…….this time it lead me to such nice article you wrote on this web…………….thank you very much for such nice guidance in way of my life
Prof. Ashish khodwe


Cathy Taughinbaugh November 12, 2013 at 6:35 am

Love this line Lorraine, “Realized, facing fear is not about overcoming it, it is about walking through it.” Turning toward my fears instead of away has helpful walk through them, and usually my fears are just that, fear and not reality. Thanks for a great post!
Cathy Taughinbaugh´s last post…Release Your Fear, Regain Your Hope, Reclaim Your Life


Sean November 12, 2013 at 9:13 pm

Lorraine, thank you for this post! Just today I was trying to conquer my fear. I know better. I have found just being thankful for my experiences and thinking about how the evidence supports the fact that I am competent and a good person so I have nothing to fear.

Walking through the illusion of fear… I’m going to use that tomorrow.

Thanks for the enhanced tool!


Robert November 18, 2013 at 1:07 am

I really enjoyed this article – thanks a lot Lorraine. In the best I was always running from my fears. Now, I face them, I look at them and the closer and longer I look, the smaller and less scary they get. Also, something else that really helped me to deal with fears: 90% of the things we are so afraid of never happen anyway.
Robert´s last post…The Key To Consciously Creating The Life You Want And Why Most People Keep On Experiencing The Same Old Circumstances


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