Photographer: Arvind Balaraman
We often take the people closest to us for granted. We put high expectations and demands on friends, family and coworkers. We become arrogant and impatient and forget to use the manners we were taught in preschool!
For me this process gets even worse when I'm under stress! Today I'm writing this as a reminder for myself and thought you may be able to relate as well.
Sandra from Always Well Within states, "Take time to establish your motivation each day – the wish to help and the desire not to harm. For example, every morning make a conscious heart-felt aspiration to help and not to harm in all that you do that day."
Sandra sums up in those two sentences how to live a life of happiness and meaning.
Use the powerful and positive phrases below to increase your joy.
1. Please
Instead of expecting and demanding things from others use the word please. You'll find others eager and willing to help you. Say please when making both large and small requests. We never out grow the need to be kind.
2. Thank you
People feel appreciated and want to do more for you when you say, thank you. When thanks is not expressed your kind deed or words feel taken for granted leaving you disappointed.
3. You're welcome.
When you use the phrase your welcome, it tells the other person you heard and accepted their gratitude. I am happy to help. Smile and say your welcome with joy.
4. I am wrong.
When you make a mistake take 100% responsibility for it. Make your apology timely and allow the words to come from your heart. This simple phrase creates an opening for healing. We are perfectly imperfect, we all make mistakes. You will discover a profound change in yourself when you can allow yourself to be vulnerable and humble.
5. You betcha.
Exactly! This statement lets the other person know you are in agreement. It's a statement of certainly that says, "You are absolutely right about that."
6. I love you.
Declare your love for others clearly, with honesty and often. Miracles and healing come from love. Be sincere and come from the heart. Maya Angelou believes, I love you are three of the most important words in the English language.
7. I trust you
Trust is developed by experience. When someone tells the truth and keeps their promises trust is established. Listen to others talk. Then listen more. Be the last to speak. People will respect you. befriend you and want to partner with you.
8. I'm proud of you.
Do you remember when you were a child learning to swim? You would leap off the side of the pool in the shallow end and scream to a parent or grandparent "watch me, watch me." Children look for recognition. It propels them forward to try better and more daring things.
Adults are no different, we like recognition. Notice the achievements big and small of your coworkers, friends and family members. There is a kid in us that is saying, "watch me, watch me." Saying I'm proud of you promotes more growth. It also takes you out of envy and into joy.
9. I'm sorry.
It washes away anger, pain and resentment. Sincerely stated, I'm sorry, helps the other person move into forgiveness. These three words offer the possibility of moving the relationship forward in a loving matter. They are also used to benefit others: I'm sorry you didn't get the raise, I'm sorry for your loss, I'm sorry I couldn't attend your party.
10. I care about you.
I'm here for you. I care about what happens to you. Let me know everything is OK. People thrive when they know they are cared for and loved.
11. I support you.
I've got your back. Be there for others in good times and bad times. Ask, "How can I help you." Supporting others creates love, unity and comfort. It nurtures the spirit.
13. I respect you.
Show respect and interest in others by talking less and listening more. Let them know that you hold them in high regard. Respect their right to be different and think differently than you do. It's an honor to bestow respect on the people in your life.
14. I need you.
Everyone needs to feel needed. Our culture teaches us we're better than people with low-paying jobs. We are interconnected. Try living without clean restrooms in an airport or hotel room, the janitor in your office building, the bus driver who takes your children to school, or a dishwasher in a restaurant.
I need you tells makes others feel important and worthwhile. When we tell others we need them, it raises them to a new level. They feel good and want to do more for you.
15. You can do it.
When you are filled with fear and hesitant about your next step is there anything better than being encouraged with, "You can do it?" It reminds me of the Dr. Seuss book, Oh, the Places You'll Go, "You're off to Great Places! Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting. So…get on your way!"
16. I believe in you.
Telling someone you believe in them is an energy boost more powerful than five energy drinks. Richard DeVos, one of the wealthiest men in the world states, "The most powerful force in the world is the will of people who believe in themselves."
Using these small phrases will have a profound effect on all of your relationships. They lead everyone to more self growth, discovery and joy.
My friend Karl at Work Happy Now has an article on respect I think you'll enjoy!
What powerful little phrase would you like to add to the list?
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{ 38 comments… read them below or add one }
Tess, May I add ~ “You are fantastic!” Yes, you are! Thank you!
I am going to print these out and glue them to my my body. Just kidding. About the glue that is. See how you bring out lightness in me? I am going to print them out. These are simple and truly precious. I love each and everyone of them. And one thing I love best about you is how you so often have the most simple, yet powerful approaches to person transformation.
Thank you for the link love too! I love how you mention special posts at the end of your posts. What a great idea and way to share the love even more.
P. S. My comment luv thingie seems to be stuck on “The Web of Love” – now what’s that telling me!
.-= Sandra Lee´s last post…The Web of Love and 5 Beautiful Bloggers =-.
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Hi Sandra!
LOL I need to glue them to my fore head so when I look in the mirror I’m reminded. Hubs and I are putting them on the frig to practice a different one every week. That’s 4 months worth. Hugs to you my friend.
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Tess,
These seemingly simple words can make such a difference. The one that’s a challenge for me – “I am wrong”. I suppose because it feels like I’m admitting I AM wrong. Yet, when I do that – you are so right – what a difference that makes. Where I notice this most – in my marriage. Just saying these three words (…not that I get this right every time that I’m wrong) can make such a big difference towards moving on to a better place for both of us. (…I guess you could say I’m a work in progress!!!)
Another phrase that I find meaningful: “I appreciate you”. I think there’s an acknowledgment in there to seeing the other person as filled with worth.
Love to you…always…
Lance
P.S. Sandra’s two sentences are very wonderful, too!! Love that you shared them here.
.-= Lance´s last post…The Miracle =-.
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Lance,
I have gotten better with I’m wrong over the years but I’m 56. If I don’t get this stuff now when will I!!! Love back at ya! Oh yeah work in progress? Me too.
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These phrases are indeed little miracles. They help and heal relationships of all kind. My favorite is, “Thank you.” Everyone wants to feel appreciated.
.-= Nea | Self Improvement Saga´s last post…8 Ways to Look and Feel Better Than You Ever Have =-.
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Nea yes they are little miracles. I believe miracles are shifts in perception and these certainly do that!
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Thanks for providing these reminders for the rest of us, too!
For me, it’s all about saying “thank you.” These two words create more abundance than I can measure sometimes.
Alex
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Alex yes to thank you. Little Henri who is two will do a simple task and if you tell him thank you with attitude he’ll go and repeat what he did. Toddlers are teachers, eh?
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Hi Tess,
I love all the ways to show us to bring more light into the relationships in our lives! As you point out it’s more important to remember when we’re under stress than ever.
Thank you – thank you! This is just what I needed now as I deal with the stress of negotiating the sale of my home and moving.
.-= Angela Artemis´s last post…The Secret to Knowing If Youre On The Right Path =-.
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Angela,
Yes me too and that’s why I wrote it. Some day I’ll be doing things with stress. It’s not that I don’t know how!
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I love that- joyful communication- joyful a word I am using more and more and feeling more joy too each day. I love you betcha- one I will add to my vocab. yes hearing from someone else that they believe in you is so empowering. As lance says learning to say I am wrong to Des is big- as he says i always like to be right:)
Thanks this brought a smile to my heart
love and hugs
Suzie
.-= Suzie Cheel´s last post…Be Inspired: Be Bold =-.
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Suzie,
Yes why are our egos stuck on being right. Crazy! Jacob Glass says to look at yourself in the mirror and say “I’m on to you!” LOL
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Love it, maybe even put the words on the mirror-will have to check out jacob Glass- did you mention him to me before?
.-= Suzie Cheel´s last post…Be Inspired- Be Bold =-.
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I was just in my son’s room telling him I was sorry, I was just trying to help (with homework). It made all the difference. Then I read your post. So apropos! We are all just trying to do our best and sometimes the way we say something makes the difference!!
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Betsy,
I know your the best one. Our kids want to be validated and when we tell them I’m sorry, that’s validating. But you already new that!
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Hi Tess,
Awe-some! “I love you” works miracles in my life…allows me to be the conduit for and receiver of miracles..
“You are perfectly made”…”You are absolutely enough”…”You reflect to me great–beauty, joy, love, peace”..whatever fits the situation..
And sometimes “I don’t know the Answer but I will be quiet with you until we hear it”….
Thank *you* Tess..for all that you share..
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Joy,
OK I’m game! Hope you had a great trip!
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Tess – I love this list, and just last night used ‘I care about you’ with someone I love. It felt so right in my soul when I typed it (via text), too, and he responded as if I’d hugged him.
I’ll be referring to this list again – and by the way, Joy’s phrases are pretty awesome, too. I know I always feel uplifted when she writes me simply because of the energy she puts into each carefully chosen word.
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Megan,
I care about you too!
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Hi Tess,
This is a fabulous list!
I noticed recently that I say I love you so much more than I did in the past. The more I say it, the more others are saying it! I love to just sit back and imagine a world where we all say it all of the time.
Thank you for this.
.-= Jenny Ann Fraser´s last post…Book Review: Be Love Now by Ram Dass =-.
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Jenny,
Yes let’s all say I love you more often. I’m all over that. I love you!
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I think that we forget the power of small phrases and the weight they carry… and they aren’t just what we can give to others, but giving them to ourselves can allow us more room to give to others too.
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Hi Tess
Wonderful message so that we may all multiply the love that we are, especially with those closest to us and have it radiate out into the world. We all impact each other and send ripples of love or anger out each moment, so when we treat all those around us well, they continue the ripple effect with others, and so on and so forth.
I would add to this list, calling your loved ones or friends by endearing names…. anything from “yes sweetheart” to “hello pumpkin” (I find that one cute
to “dear”, “honey”, “baby” or whatever other pet names we have for our spouses, kids, family or friends.
.-= Evita´s last post…Dont Wish You Were Someone Else =-.
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Evita,
That I’m going to need a lot of practice with;)
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Love it! I am not from an English-speaking country but this is terrific!
.-= Dawn Le´s last post…4 Things to Consider when Choosing a Niche for Your Blog =-.
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Dawn Le
You can use them anyway. We’ll share! Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts.
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Ha ha… It does feel good to say “you betcha!” This gave me a smile. Indeed, our inner and outer dialogue consists of living impulses of energy; they not only vibrate inwardly but also radiates outwardly with a magnetic boomerang effect
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Oh my gosh Tess…this is what they never taught in school. Business school could really use this. From the bottom of my heart…thank you. Sharing this will make the world a bit more gentle.
I think an added phrase should be “can I help” or “how can I help?”
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Tess, this is a great guide for parents. The words we use to “teach” our children become so habitual that we often forget to simply respect them and tell them we love them. These are terrific reminders of how to truly teach them.
.-= Katie´s last post…The 7-Week Life Cleanse- A Simple Guide to Infusing Your Life with Momentum =-.
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Tess, love these except for #5. It’s just too Sarah Palin for me.
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Dear Tess,
I’m here because of Sandra am enjoying reading your post. it’s so simple, yet so powerful. Thank you for being you and sharing YOU with us.
As for Sandra, she is not hearing the last of this. For this is the month of Hindu fasts when Indian women keep fasts for their husbands and children and i’m going to use some of your points to deepen my understanding of interdependence and relationship building in family and Sandra will have to read all about it.
thanks once again
varuni
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Hey Tess,
Beautiful sentiments there and I had to use number 8 recently to tell a friend how much I was proud of them for overcoming their struggle.
.-= Amit Sodha – The Power Of Choice´s last post…21 Outstanding Mission Statements For Your Life =-.
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I just love reading these phrases here because I say many (if not all) of these to my son whom I know is absorbing every word. I find that more comfortable saying any of these to others with all the practice I’m getting raising a child.
We never tire of encouraging and nurturing words. It’s an incredible way to be generous and also receiving much back.
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Tess,
This is such a wonderful list! Thank you for the gentle reminder because you are SO RIGHT! It is often our closest family and friends we forget to be courteous to.
I might add for my own family of three growing children “I HEAR YOU!” They seem to think I don’t undertstand them these days (which is sometimes true) but I think they need to know I am listening and open to them and all their challenges.
Thank you for continuing to bring such good material to your blog!
Jen
.-= Little Lessons Under the Big Sky´s last post…TRASH TALK THURSDAY- Overserious =-.
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I loved #13 Tess. I respect you. It has to be genuine mind you. Has to come from our core, but if it does, we often don’t have to say a word. People can feel it if there is respect for them in our heart.
.-= Christopher Foster´s last post…Is there any greater joy than finding a true friend =-.
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This is a powerful post. It reminds me of the water crystal experiment. It’s important to remember and use those powerful affirmations and acknowledgments.
.-= Kyle Clouse´s last post…Adding iFrames to your WordPress Website and Why You Should =-.
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I love people. I love to talk, share ideas and work with people…
From my experience, the value of just being nice is superior… I think in the end, it does not matter what someone thought about you, it is what you think about yourself!
Anyway, I like these powerful phrases Tess and i think it makes communication and life a lot nicer and easier too…
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I love how each of these are just a few words and how much saying them with pure intent can transform the words into mini miracle workers. I believe in you is one of my very favorites. We all need cheerleaders in our corners!
.-= Clearly Composed´s last post… ABC’s of Balanced Fitness =-.
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