photo credit: Alan Light
In Bird by Bird, Anne Lamott writes, “Jealousy is such a direct attack on whatever measure of confidence you’ve been able to muster. But if you continue to write, you are probably going to have to deal with it, because some wonderful, dazzling successes are going to happen for some of the most awful, angry, undeserving writers you know—people who are, in other words, not you.”
It’s no secret the road to blogging success is a strenuous one. It’s easy to get overwhelmed, exhausted and doubt your best efforts.
Every once in a while we discover a gifted blogger whose writing is so funny, touching or beautiful your heart races, your hands sweat, the earth moves and you’re left breathless.
Tara at Wiseliving is gifted beyond her years, Katie at Momentum Gathering blogs with wild abandon, Sean at Writer Dad gets inside the heads and hearts of all parents. Marianne Williamson’s words spill over with shocking truth.
On a good day I soak up their articles like the warm sunshine on a cool fall day. I savor each insight like it was the last chocolate bar on earth. Their words, ideas and stories make my toes curl, heart swell and soul sparkle and shine. It’s what I call a bloggasm!
I’m ecstatic to be cast under their magical spells. The finest posts I print out and tuck them in my journal for further reflection. They stir my own writer genius.
On a bad day, my ego comes out in full force, I relentlessly compare myself to these and other demigods and swear I’ll quit while I’m ahead. Blogging makes me feel as depleted as a marathoner who collapses before crossing the finish line. I’m grateful these moments are far and few between.
My ego questions, “Why can’t I write like that? How did he/she get so great?
Why do I always miss out…blah…blah…blah.”
What causes me to soothe my inner writer and carry on?
Knowing I’m not alone. I don’t know a human that doesn’t experience negativity, jealousy and inadequacy.
Debbie Ford, a contributing author of, “The Shadow Effect” refers to herself as the “Champion of Shadow Work.”
In the new book, Ford reminds us to not only pay attention to our shadow side but to our light side as well. Our light shadow includes the positive qualities we’ve buried deep within. For example, we’ve learned to hide qualities like powerful, brilliant, and wise when we become fearful of our own light. Maybe we’ve been told not to brag, or be “full of ourselves.” Or maybe we’ve been accused of being too positive. We dim our light to fit in.
When we admire our colleague’s blogs and think “yes, yes this is brilliant” we are projecting our light shadow. We see their beauty and light in their words because we own our beauty and light in our own writing..
When we feel jealousy, left behind or discouraged by reading other’s blogs we deny their light because we deny our own as well.
I remind myself I’m more than these feelings or emotions. When I read a great blog I remind myself, “I am that.” Unless I have it I can’t see it.
It’s our ego or lower-self that convinces us of the need to stand out, be special and impress others. I don’t experience peace or joy when I write from that space.
When I remember I don’t need to imitate anyone, create a best seller or obtain fame to be a great writer.
We become amazing writers, attract more readers and sell more books by owning our greatness and staying in the present moment. Where I am is perfect for the “Bigger Plan.” When we flip on our own “light” switch miracles happen.
When I first read Marianne’s book, Return to Love, I called hubs at work and stated, “I could’ve written that book!” He replied, “Tess, there is nobody stopping you from picking up your pencil!” Soon after I began writing for a Women’s Magazine which led to, “Flying By the Seat of My Soul.”
We project onto each other universal qualities that belong to everyone.
To get beyond self-doubts, envy or rejection, learn to acknowledge and reclaim your own wisdom, wild abandon and truth.
Drink in the beauty of another without comparing. Comparison is one of the greatest causes of human suffering. It’s self inflicted. It’s my authenticity that will touch the people who can learn from me.
We have the opportunity to unearth the treasures we buried that have been begging to be brought forward and expressed in our writing.
When we take back our traits of “light,” doors fling open to infinite opportunities for an unimaginable future.
What brilliant bloggers to you admire? What qualities do they reflect for you? Please leave their links in your comments.
photo credit: Alan Light
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{ 32 comments… read them below or add one }
Thank you Tess, I agree that comparison causes many problems in our lives.
.-= Sandra Hendricks´s last post…Who Decides How Another Person Responds =-.
I admire the brilliance of this post! It is like an exclamation point to a post I read earlier today by Johnny B. Truant who was also talking about comparathons. In your writing, as well as Johnny’s I love the honest snapshot of a creative life in progress.
Today I’m also in love with Arvind Devalia. He’s written a fabulously creative guest post on my blog, but my admiration for his work goes so much deeper than that. He often talks about things on his blog that cause me to look at my thoughts and actions and strive to be a better person.
.-= Jean Sarauer´s last post…12 Reasons Why Bloggers Make the Best Lovers =-.
Tess,
You continue to dazzle and inspire me. YOU are one of those people, that if I read a post of yours on the “wrong” day I start questioning myself, much as you described. Thanks for the push, great words, and wise words. I especially liked this line, “Drink in the beauty of another without comparing.”
I admire the creative spark of Tony at Trottersville, the zippy lines at Tumblemoose by George Angus, and many many more. Thanks again, Tess.
I’ll say it again, get to writing, lovely lady. I’m buyin’!
~xo
.-= Lori´s last post…Closer to Fine =-.
Tess,
I like this, I know wonderful blogger and people in my life I truly admire and love and sometimes, I do wish i was like them and envy comes out in me too.
I love the way you presented the post, that comes out so positive in all, and I like that, we all fall prey to jealously once in awhile, coming over it is even better thing.
.-= Preeti @ Heart and Mind´s last post…Web Design- Overwhelm and Good Reads =-.
Hi Tess! Well, it’d be YOU and you already know where to link yourself. Now I am not schmoozing you here. I don’t read many blogs that are written by “real” writers – I just haven’t time but I know I could spend endless hours in joyous abandon soaking them up if I would chose to.
hugs
suZen
Tess,
I admire you! This is a brilliant post addressing the 300 lb gorilla in the room. I’ve already told Katie that she amazes me. I wonder if she has the same ability as Samantha on Bewitched and simply twitches her nose to produce all those beautiful blog posts?
But, you have always been on my list.
The green eyed monster is a terrible one to have to face down – but he does come around to all of us at one time or another.
I love that you say, “I am that.” So true, how can we identify with something unless on some level we are “that?” Thank you for this wonderful post!
.-= Angela Artemis´s last post…Are You Blocking Your Intuition =-.
I love you (no link necessary!) and am always wondering how does that woman keep generating that HUGE amount of joy? How can she be so naked, honest, and genuine? She’s so incredible! I love Annabel Candy too (www.getinthehotspot.com).
I’ve learned the best way to counter jealousy is to practice rejoicing in other people’s successes. Not always easy to do all the time – as you point out – but a wonderful practice and aspiration!
.-= Sandra Lee´s last post…Vibrant health through energy medicine =-.
Dear Tess,
Again your honesty inspires me to be equally honest. Thanks for shining your light and letting all of us know that these feelings of jealousy are normal but they are not “us”. I find this applies to life as much as (and in my case even more than) writing. I’m smiling as I think of people like you who make this world a more open and loving place. Thank you.
Hi Tess,
It can be quite paralysing when we look at others (in any situation) and feel like we are left wanting, and although we know we shouldn’t, we all compare ourselves at some point.
Learning to appreciate greatness in others without comparing is something to work on on an ongoing basis.
WRT bloggers, there are so many I admire, Tom Brownson springs to mind as I love his tell it like it is, take no shit attitude!
Hi Tess,
Thanks for a great post and the links to the bloggers you mention; I will take a visit for some reading there.
I suppose jealousy could be a big problem when people want to reach what others have, but when finding our own trail competition becomes companion, so the key I believe is to find our own voice first.
Raul
Tess,
You raise very truthful points, and your answer is the solution to everything.
I admire and appreciate every being whom I come across for their unique worth and their light.
The universe is that every step closer when we tune into our own light, and surrender to the energy that we are made of.
Lots of light and love out to you Sister.
.-= Ana Goncalves´s last post…The Universe within us =-.
Just left a giant comment which appears to have gotten lost in IE Land.
To reiterate….instead of feeling “jealous” I make it a point to “follow” and comment on as many blogs as I possibly can. The more I “follow” the more I learn. It is amazing how so many of our fellow bloggers seem to be afraid to click on the “follow” button, especially when they know more than anyone else what we go through!
By supporting and encouraging other bloggers it makes ME feel better, brings me out of myself and my insecurities. I feel an excitement when I discover a new favorite blog akin to discovering a new book.
One of my current favorite blogs (and I have many) is “Alone With Cats” she is on twitter at @alonewithcats (because I don’t know the exact link). She is honest, hilarious (in a sarcastic and wry way), she bares her soul and I love it!
There are many others I follow…some are on my blogroll on my blog CAT CHAT http://opcatchat.blogspot.com but I also follow many others that are not.
So fellow bloggers, join me in coming out of ourselves, following/commenting on other’s blogs….when you give of yourself you are unable to feel jealousy.
.-= caren gittleman´s last post…Wordless Wed A Purrfectly Pawfect Portrait! =-.
Tess,
I can so relate to that “depleted as a marathoner” thought!!! (quite literally…)
And life is indeed sometimes like that, too. In the ebb and flow, there are days where the light shines brighter, and days were the shadows are more in play (play?? is it our mind, our ego – playing with us???).
…I can relate…and, Tess – I love that you have written this. In it, I feel more okay with some of the insecurities that sometimes crop up in my days…
.-= Lance´s last post…Music For The Soul =-.
Hi Tess,
I love that first paragraph… very funny. When we can recognize the brilliance in others and can TRULY be elated for them it means we recognize there is brilliance in us. Of course the opposite is true. Jealousy is the fear that we have nothing to say. Very well said today… brilliant!
Sandra,
Yes and even though I do it less and less…I still do it. Human nature but with awareness and commitment we can stop any habit and begin another.
Jean,
Comparathon…that’s a hoot! I have to check out Johnny, don’t know him. I agree with Arvind and love his mission and writing. Plus he’s cute but don’t tell anyone I said that;)
Lori,
Dazzle…don’t ya love that word. It makes me smile. Thanks for being my friend. I’ve learned so much from you even though you think it’s the other way around~
Can’t wait until next week!
Preeti,
Yes everyone and the only way to stop is to admit it, see the light and move on.
Suzen,
Thanks for the compliment. I think our humor and wisdom compliment each others. Happy end of summer.
Ang,
Thanks for supporting my writing, ideas and thoughts. Like minds attract and that’s why we connected. I am you!
Sandra,
Yes I love that lesson and plan celebrate the success of others. I’m going to buy a cupcake then head over to http://www.JannieFunster.com drink a beer (belch) and grab a donut and celebrate you and she. She’s a favorite of mine as well.
And thank you for recognizing my joy. I see yours as well.
Daphne,
Thanks and that’s my job to be open, loving and imperfect…like you and all others here today.
Kate,
Yes yes I like no shit attitudes as well. My cards have always been on the table. Well most of them…hee hee.
Raul,
Yes find our own voice first…and then keep improving, it’s then when I can see “me” more clearly.
Ana,
admire everyone for their unique worth and light…I love how you put that! Thank you!
Marathoner,
Thanks and let’s kick those insecurities in the arse together! I’m sure you can see the finish line now…yes?
Rob,
Jealosy is the fear we have nothing to say. OMG that’s brilliant…how flippin clear can you get!
Hi Tess
You nailed it right on when you said “to deny it, is to deny their light” and since we are all one, it is our light too!
Blogging can indeed be a fuel for all parts of our Egos, but this too makes us learn and grow.
Even though I can tell you that your writing is amazing, even though you can tell me positive aspects about mine, at the end of the day, what we feel has to come from a much deeper place within us.
Sure external feedback is great, but at the end of the day, it really matters how we feel about ourselves and thus our own gifts, writing, jobs, whatever it may be.
Thanks so much Tess for exploring it – it is a great reminder to each one of us to let each of our light’s shine through ourselves and through others!
.-= Evita´s last post…Stages of Spiritual Growth & Development- From Egos to Angels- Caterpillars to Butterflies =-.
There are a ton of Brilliant bloggers that I admire.
Seth Godin
Penelope Trunk
Steve Pavlina
Tess Marshall
Darren Rowse
Chris Brogan
The list goes on and on.
Yes, I’ve been jealous plenty of times, but I try to apply your advice. They are creating a better world and that’s my job too. I can’t worry about them I can only worry about making myself better.
Evita,
You always have such great insights. One that I love is to only write when I’m in a great and loving space. I took that advice and it’s so working for me.
Karl,
You are on my list and I appreciate your tenacity and generosity and authentic interest in others.
Tess,
I laughed when I read the title of this post. It always seems I land your site at a time when I need a bit of a life “reminder.” Just recently, I went to one my favorite sites and read this wonderful interview about another blogger I really like. At first, I was very excited because the interview was dynamic, fun and showed a mutual like between the two bloggers.
Then I got jealous. I thought “no one asks ME for interviews…what’s wrong with me?” Then, in the midst of my pity party, I started laughing because I realized I had lost my enjoyment of the interview. In addition, truth be told, I don’t even really like being interviewed so it was wasted jealousy (if there’s such a thing).
Anyway, I went back to the interview and read it again…this time rejoicing in the interaction between a couple of my favorite bloggers. This time it felt light and fun:~)
I think you must be one of guides from another life. I don’t you as often I should, but when I do…your post always hits the bulls-eye for me:~)
.-= Sara´s last post…Guest Post- The Passport to Travel Home =-.
Tess,
This post was raw truth and beauty. I thought it was only me who was a little bit jealous and scared sometimes when I read my fellow bloggers awesome posts… and I have to tell you my friend, your oosts are always mucho magnificent~!
I like your line Tess how if we deny the light in others, we deny it in ourselves…
When I am in a good place with myself your way with words, your beautiful way of wording things, your touching of souls not only elevates me but reminds me that I have the ability to do that for others too.
One time a friend e-mailed me after one of my better newsletters and said, “Oh gee, Brenda, I am so proud of you…but I have to say, a wee bit jealous too!” It made me love her even more for getting it out in the open…it expanded our friendship.
Love to you dear Tess…keep shinning the light of truth and beauty so we can bask in and and pay it forward!
hugs to your whole awesome community!
Brenda
.-= Brenda´s last post…Teleclass- Improving Your Self-Esteem with Emotional Freedom Techniques EFT =-.
Hello Tess,
Of course, I have experienced such feelings before. I have found that when I celebrate the success of another, or the talent, it blows all those negative feelings away. It’s as if the act of acknowledging the greatness of another frees me from the negativity, if that makes sense. When those feelings/thoughts try to worm their way in, I focus on the fact that we all have greatness to share, and we show that greatness in different ways. You’ll be better at some things than I, and vice versa. I think in this way, the Universe ensures that the highest good for all will be possible.
Some of my favorite bloggers are those I met early on, during the begginning of my blogging journey:
Lance @ jungleoflife.com
Tess @ theboldlife.com
Evita @ evolvingbeings.com
Lori @ janebenimble.com
Jannie @ janniefunster.com
These individuals are for real, and are pitting the love out there!
There are several others too. I am grateful for everyone.
Thanks Tess!
Such a glowing post! I have worked with Debbie Ford’s book The Dark Side of the Light Chasers and she really helps you in doing shadow work and getting to that place where you become aware of when you make the shift from appreciating to comparing. I know I have my moments where I feel like I am the only blogger not cool enough to sit at the grown up’s table myself. Then I remember how much fun it is at the kid’s table and crank out a blog I am really proud of…comparisons go poof then! *lol* SO glad you visited me so I was able to come and check out your words.
.-= Clearly Composed´s last post… Grace in Action Dare- The Postcard =-.
Hmmm… methinks my comment must have been gobbled up by your junk mail filter monster thingy, Tess. I had some great link love goin’ on in there too. Sigh…
Okay, ignore me. I see that it’s there now, and it’s still awaiting moderation! D’oh! I’m all embarrassed and stuff now!
Hi Tess,
Thank you for sharing so openly!
I haven’t felt jealousy..When I see someone beautiful, I think how beautiful and I’m thankful God creates such beauty…I feel awe, wonder, delight, respect, admiration, love at what others create/share/know in all areas of life..When someone excels at their craft I think wow, how awe-some…I excel in some areas and I think wow how awe-some! I’ve had the opportunity to manifest masters, so when I want to learn, I learn from the best.. I feel blessed when someone shares their talents with me..I feel proud when my friends are awarded for their efforts..
Blogs I admire..: man I think each person who puts their heart on a page is amazing for sharing! My list is long..depends on my mood and what I’m ’searching’ for..here are a few….always you, Lance, Jan at awakeisgood.com….plus Kim at talonted.blogspot.com, Tony at Trottersville, Raul at Alien Ghost, Mark at tobeme, Evita at Evolving Beings….
Hi Tess,
I really enjoyed reading this one. Although I don’t think I’ve ever experienced “blog envy,” I certainly feel that way when I’m reading wonderful books and I wish I could write something like that. Someday I plan to pursue that path but it isn’t the right time for me now, so I am trying to use those well-written books as teachers and absorb as much as I can from them. Jealousy doesn’t produce positive results for anyone so it is worthwhile to learn to avoid it.
Maggie
Sarah,
Thanks for stopping by. Like I said everyone does it, some catch themselves right away as you did and change, others struggle with understanding how and why it happens etc. That’s why I wrote the article. Nice to hear from you!
Brenda,
I knew you’d understand exactly what I meant, feel and say;) Thanks for sharing your story and your lovely compliment. I appreciate you. Oh and we’ve adopted you into the community. You aren’t a separate entity! LOL
Hi Maggie,
Thanks for stopping by and giving your take on jealousy. Cheers to you and your book someday;)
Tony,
You are a great writer, entertainer and cartoonist. What the hey are you talking about. Did I mention funny!
CC
Thanks for visiting! I did that book as well and when I heard about the second I was struggling with daughter no.2 big time so I got it read it and poof issue gone;)
Isn’t life grand?
An honest post!! It’s common that such feelings arise. When one encounters a post of a fellow blogger that’s interesting and received plenty of positive comments, it’s then at times a battle between the angel and monster in our heads.
A rational mind in a logical world would mean that one applauded the good post and learn from whatever’s written.
But well history has shown that events of the world are often far from logical. And as much as we do not wish to admit: we are all irrational beings.
I am glad I bumped into your blog. It’s full of goodness.
Dear Tess,
I love how you peel back the layers and encourage us to embrace all aspects of our humanity. We can’t always be positive, happy, or confident if we’re truly participatin in our lives. We can, however, acknowledge that we get thrown off course every now and then, which is completely acceptable. Thank you for encouraging us to stop pretending and denying that a sprinkling of negativity is healthy.
As a blogger, I sadly have not had as much time as I’d like to go exploring out there. I’d really love to. There’s so much brilliance in this world. You included!
xo, Belinda
To answer your question, I admire many bloggers. If I need to choose one, I’ll choose Davina. She inspires me!
http://www.shadesofcrimson.com/
.-= vered´s last post…The Last Pancakes Recipe You’ll Ever Need =-.
I totally agree that comparison is the reason behind many problems in our life.