If I were King or Queen…I’d Change Our World

by Tess on November 10, 2009

Acendedor, Rei e Vaidoso - O Pequeno Príncipe/Le Petit Prince
Creative Commons License photo credit: musiciennedusilence

Control is what our ego convinces us to exert on someone or something else. In realtiy the only thing we can control is ourselves.

I often want to change others. The only person I can change is myself.

When we want to change the world we begin by changing ourselves. It's what Ghandi meant when he said, "Be the change you wish to see in the world."

When we become opinonated and think we know how the world should change what we really know is how we need to change.

When I see a fearful world filled with doom and gloom the only change I need make is to embrace my own fear of the future.

If I see a loving world spinning towards a bright future I know I feel empowered by the love I feel within.

I'm giving you permission to be King or Queen of your world. 

Get out your magic wands and decide what you want to change from "within" emotionally, physically, and spiritually. The results will echo throughout our world aiding in the healing of mankind.

Making personal changes "within" is about owning what we project outward on to others and the world.

Answering these questions will help you get started. The answers you get are "all about you."

The person I'm currently bothered by the most or the person who currently pushes my buttons is __________? What I can own about this is____________.

The world issues I find myself getting upset over are__________and ____________? What this says about me is_________________.

The advice I mostly give to others is _________________.
I need to take my own advice when it comes to____________and________________.

I refuse to get along with ____________. I become unreasonable myself when I ____________________.

I'm jealous of ___________ and wish I had more ____________. I'm currently feeling lack about _____________. I'm willing to become more grateful for __________________.

I'm  afraid ____________ is going to happen in my life time. My fear about the future is coming from ___________________.

One thing I can't tolerate in my friend, spouse or neighbor is ____________________. I can't tolerate it because I'm the same way about  _________________.

What I see in my children that I can't stand in myself is ____________? The last 3 times I've acted the same way myself are ________________.

What I see in my parents that I don't want to repeat with others is _____________? The last 3 times I've acted in the same way are _______________, _______________ and _________________.

Put on your crown and decide as King or Queen how you will rule your world.

Begin with making self-honoring choices. Only you know what changes you need to make.
The following are choices that promote healthy change for a healthy world.

I take more time for meditation or prayer. This helps me remain calm, centered and peaceful.

I practice trusting myself. Only then can I trust others.

I make healthy choices. When I feel good about myself I feel good about others.

I decrease self judgment and increase self-love. I can love others because I love myself.

I increase time spent in nature. As nature calms me I can share my calming energy with others.

I join a support group. The support I receive allows me to support others.

I seek out a therapist or life coach. When I commit to change I change the world.

I get enough sleep. I can remain centered and peaceful in the midst of chaos. When I have peace the world will be a more peaceful place.

I take responsibility for all areas of my life. I give others the space to become responsible for themselves.

I can choose to empower myself by making the necessary self-honoring, emotionally, mentally and physically choices needed to change my world.

Only then will I be able to rise above the battleground of my ego. Only then will I be the peace I want to see in the world.

The following is one of my favorite fun songs. Welcome to a whole new world.

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    { 40 comments… read them below or add one }

    Lance November 11, 2009 at 4:27 am

    Hi Tess,
    That song sums it up quite nicely – it can be a whole new world for us, if we allow ourselves to become more aware of our own self.  And in doing that, we can better understand who we are, and why.  Okay, I choose to be king today…king of "me"…and be the change…

    Great message to really focus on!


    Tess November 11, 2009 at 5:09 am


    Yeah and I'll be Queen…ready for the magic carpet ride?


    Jay Schryer November 11, 2009 at 6:08 am

    I love this. I have a big problem with this myself…I tend to externalize my difficulties with people and situations rather than looking inward and seeing how I can change myself, so I really needed this reminder. The few times when I have managed to change myself, or my attitude, the results have been much greater than ordinary, so I'm trying to do it more and more. I'm hoping that it becomes easier with practice!


    Stacey Shipman November 11, 2009 at 6:23 am

    I love that song…for exactly the reasons you talk about in your post. Every day is a new wonder. These are great questions you put out to the world, if people answered them it would open their eyes and wake them up.  Got room for 1 more on that carpet? :-)


    Tess November 11, 2009 at 7:03 am


    I do, I do have more room I just waved my magic wand, cuz I'm Queen and made the carpet bigger. I'm sure more will join us.


    Positively Present November 11, 2009 at 8:45 am

    Really cool post, Tess! I'm looking forward to filling those sentences out!


    Evita November 11, 2009 at 9:12 am

    Hi Tess

    Oh that was so much fun to do!!! I loved filling in the sentences…made me laugh our loud at some of my answers… Isn't it amazing what we learn about ourselves when we go within!!!!

    This is such a great tool to help others Tess break through their own walls and really start to change the world from the inside out!


    Erin November 11, 2009 at 11:07 am

    What an empowering post!  We do relinquish our power for some reason and perhaps it is the fear of the responsibilities that go along with having it.  You do great work Tess,  and I love the way you write and inspire your readers.


    Tess November 11, 2009 at 11:08 am


    Thanks so much for stopping by and letting me know you like and appreciate my work. It means the world to me. That's why I'm here. I'm grateful.


    Kristy November 11, 2009 at 12:42 pm

    Mom, great post!  It is easier to look outward than it is within, perhaps, as Erin mentioned in her comment, we do fear the responsibility that goes along w/ it.   I have my magic wand and have decided that  I will indeed be Queen for the day.  I will take control of myself emotionally, spiritually, and physically, consciously letting my Ego go.  I am ready to be the change….


    Tess November 11, 2009 at 1:14 pm


    Yes I understand. I come face to face with what I want to project on others 100 times a day;) And somedays I wish I didn't know better.

    I think it's extremely important to be gentle with ourselves which I forgot to mention in the article! And we are always a work in progress yet step-by-step we have the opportunity to move forward. And as we move forward we have the opportunity to take others with us.

    As I right that last line I think about us and we are such movers and shakers that it would probably be good to slow down and allow ourselves to catch our breath while others catch theirs.

    I'm making room for you on the magic carpet ride! Love ya…and you and I are so much a like we seem to walk through life only projecting our best on each other. I wish it were that easy with everyone in my world. We must have been born under the same star just years apart!


    Patricia November 11, 2009 at 1:19 pm

    I do so love that song and I am jealous that you know how to put it into your post, which is just a classic post you should run about 20 times a year….

    The Queen of "ME"  ah  yes!….
    Thank you


    Tess November 11, 2009 at 1:32 pm



    Yes I do love the song! My daughter had it at her wedding so it has even more meaning for me. Thanks for stopping by and sharing today!



    Mark November 11, 2009 at 2:17 pm

    Love what you have written here today! We are the change, we are always creating and we impact not only our selves but all of the Universe! Great exercise. I would love to see the same type of questions framed in the positive rather than the negative.
    Wonderful video! This is a magical song! Thanks for sharing this and putting a bigger smile on my face!
    Love to you Tess!


    Hilary November 11, 2009 at 2:19 pm

    Hi Tess .. great song .. A Whole New World .. we could do with it – far too much angst around – not enough compassion and empathy with our fellow humans.
    I thought they were sitting on chocolate truffles – just what I feel like ..
    Thanks for setting out each choice, you've given us, and then the reason it's so important and the benefits we'll realise ..
    Food for thought .. thanks – Hilary Melton-Butcher
    Positive Letters Inspirational Stories


    Lori November 11, 2009 at 2:21 pm

    Hi Tess,
    I love your fill-in-the-blank approach. I really encouraged me to <i>fill them in</i> and think about things in a different way.
    Thanks for being a positive force for change in this world. 
    By the way, I love that your daughter comments to your posts. How cool is that?
    Kristy, you rock!
    Have a great day, everyone!


    Angelia Sims November 11, 2009 at 3:15 pm

    Let you heart decide…..hmmmmm. Your post brought some very significant fears immediately clear to me. A whole new world, a wonderous place for you and me…. I do love the heart of this song.

    .-= Angelia Sims´s last post…What happens in a box, stays in a box….. =-.


    Tess November 11, 2009 at 3:25 pm


    That's a great idea for the next post. As you know we can only see the good in others if we see it in ourselves. 


    I'm glad the song worked for you. Remember fears aren't real. Just our thoughts floating by waiting for us to change them.  


    Tess November 11, 2009 at 3:28 pm


    My approach makes it very clear yet scary for many at the same time. It says in the box on my home page that I challenge others. Which I think is a good thing when we give ourselves permission to go at our own pace.


    Wilma Ham November 11, 2009 at 6:00 pm

    Hi Tess

    This is attempt number 3 to put in my comment!
    I am still calm and composed, just!

    I am focused on becoming the change I want to be,
    There is no other way, when I want to change from playing soccer to water polo, I need to change something right?

    I noticed recently that I often come from 'having to' instead of choosing to do the things that I am doing. To change that would make a huge difference in how I act in the world and how and what game I am playing.
    If I am the queen or the slave.  
    However I also resisted the learning, although I saw how a difference it made to John's life.
    He doesn't complain and doesn't drag his heels like I can do.
    At first I thought it was because he did only the things he liked, so I gave him the bathrooms to clean to see if he would keep it up.
    Every week he cleans without moaning or big sighs.
    Ha, so it is NOT the chore, it IS me and I can learn to come from choosing too.

    However I would appreciate a wand AND a tiara please if that could lubricate the learning.


    Diane AZ November 11, 2009 at 6:16 pm

    Hi Tess, Thanks for visiting my blog the other day. 
    It is interesting how the faults we find in others are actually things that we might like to change about ourselves.  In other words, "If you spot it, you got it!"  I don't care about controlling or changing, I just think it's fun to notice things like that.


    Ann-Marie November 11, 2009 at 6:27 pm

    BE the change you wish to see in this world’. These words are powerful, they resonated with me the first time I heard them.
    I create my world no-one else does; not my family, my education, society or the media for that matter. That has been a tough one to get my head around and I’m still learning it.
     If I desire change I need to BE that change first; in my heart, my words and my actions. Taking a long hard look at ME is what I’m doing starting with self responsibility, accountability and ownership for my life. Phew a tall order, however it is possible if I choose it.

    You nailed it Tess. We do not give ourselves permission to be Kings or Queens of our OWN lives. Old habits of blame and excuses can be hard to break and far too easy to fall back on.
    If we create sustainable change in our lives then it is possible to have it happen in the world. It’s about being committed to the journey no matter how long it takes.
    Small daily steps and lots of support will get us there. And I agree, we need to be gentle on ourselves.
    Thank You Tess for this post. You are an agent of change and I adore that about you.


    Hayden Tompkins November 11, 2009 at 6:28 pm

    That's one reason why I LOVE the Serenity.  To accept the things you cannot change and the courage to change the things your can.
    I love this.


    Tess November 11, 2009 at 7:03 pm


    Thank you very much! Yes one baby step at a time with self-love and compassion.
    Remember this works both ways. You can only see the positive in me because you have it in yourself…wisdom and all!


    Tess November 11, 2009 at 7:04 pm

    To All,

    If you are having trouble leaving comments know there is something wrong with my blog. I won't be posting again until it is fixed! Thanks for your patience and understanding. Tess


    Patty - Why Not Start Now? November 11, 2009 at 9:31 pm

    Hi Tess – I love that you write about projections and how to pull them back. And the fill-in-the-blanks activity is such a great way to introduce the shadow side, without making it seem too confusing. Plus, you've inspired me – I have a whole bunch of activities that I use with clients, but I never thought of posting any on my blog. I'm going to try it. Thanks!


    suzen November 11, 2009 at 9:58 pm

    Hi Tess!
    Queenie says she loves the post and your magical music too! :)

    This post is awesome – those fill in the blanks are quite revealing, aren’t they? Love how you presented all this – what a wonderful coaching post Tess! I learn so much here – you are precious!
    .-= suzen´s last post…Tears of Fears – Veterans Day & Personal Story =-.


    Patty - Why Not Start Now? November 12, 2009 at 1:49 am

    Hi Tess – I love that you write about projections and how important it is to pull them back. You’re really good at introducing the shadow without making it seem too complicated. And your fill-in-the-blanks activity is great and gives much insight. Plus you’ve inspired me. I have a bunch of activities I use with clients, but never thought to use them on the blog. So I’ll try it. Thanks!
    .-= Patty – Why Not Start Now?´s last post…False Evidence Appearing Real: The Movie =-.


    Megan "JoyGirl!" Bord November 12, 2009 at 6:50 am

    Okay, that’s so weird. I read this yesterday and LOVED it; emailed it to friends, re-Tweeted it because it was so cool, and could have sworn I left a comment!
    The first time I heard the idea that by changing myself I could change the world, it shifted me. Suddenly I recognized that tending to my inner life was of utmost importance because who I am – the energy I transmit in this world – literally affects everything. It’s the butterfly effect.
    Thank you, Tess, for creating this awesome post which has already inspired so many people. And if you were queen, I’d gladly, proudly serve you.
    .-= Megan “JoyGirl!” Bord´s last post…The Ultimate Unknown =-.


    Peggy November 12, 2009 at 9:27 am


    I so LOVE this. I love being Empress and Ruler Supreme of my own little world. It’s about me owning my own stuff and being the change I want to see in my own sphere.

    I love this so much that, with your permission, I’d like to post an excerpt on my Stepmom’s blog and link back here. That particular group needs to see this :-)

    .-= Peggy´s last post…Music As My Writing Muse =-.


    Peggy November 12, 2009 at 9:27 am

    PS – And I love my magic pink fairy wand ;-)
    .-= Peggy´s last post…Music As My Writing Muse =-.


    vered | blogger for hire November 12, 2009 at 11:49 am

    You know, I have a client who’s a life coach. She talks a lot about “it’s all about me” and how we need to stop trying to change others. I took her on as a client, but I’m learning so much from her. Reading this post was good for me, because it has served as another important reminder, from someone other than her.
    .-= vered | blogger for hire´s last post…Restaurant Salads Scare Me =-.


    Joy November 12, 2009 at 1:00 pm

    I choose to be Queen of my world. Although there are some days I’d surely appreciate an assistant:)
    My world is one of peace, love, and joy, and I choose to share with all of those who radiate the same. I understand and promote personal change; and I also know if I allow any of what I hold true to be manipulated, only then does negative enter into my world.
    And I love the song–one of my favorites:) Would definitely hop right on as the carpet flew by:)


    Sara B. Healy November 12, 2009 at 1:16 pm

    Tess — This post will take me awhile to digest. The fill in the blanks are quite challenging, but an excellent exercise. You are so right that we look inside if really want to improve the “outside.”

    It seems to me that you are calling for awareness. When I am aware and acknowledge both the gifts AND the challenges of ME, I can, in turn, be more open to others and free my energy to make the changes I want in this world.

    Great post, Tess…thanks:~)
    .-= Sara B. Healy´s last post…The Journey Begins: Part One =-.


    Kirsty November 12, 2009 at 5:14 pm

    Hi Tess and thank you! This is a wonderful post. I really love it!

    Sometimes it is so difficult to realise that we are in control of our own lives (and not much else!!).

    Have a great weekend Tess and thanks again for the post.



    Tess The Bold Life November 12, 2009 at 6:21 pm

    I love it that I inspired you and we’ll love it if you put this stuff on your blog!
    You go!

    I’m humming it’s raining compliments (to the tune of It’s rainng men!)
    Thanks for stopping by and affirming my writing. We won’t call it work;)

    You will not be serving me because you get to be a queen as well. Thanks for passing this on to everyone. I appreciate the joy you bring to all. Thanks Megan for being you!

    I’m so blessed to have you promote me like you do! Isn’t life grand. Let me know if you need help ever! Keep waving your wand, magic happens.

    How lucky you have a coach that’s paying you and teaching you. What goes around comes around. Keep putting our the good stuff.

    Yeah, another carpet rider! I’ll move over and pick you up soon!

    Yes do honor the gifts as well wise woman! Thanks!


    Oh yes I know what you mean. We all have our days. Maybe everyone can borrow Peggy’s magic wand.
    .-= Tess The Bold Life´s last post…If I were King or Queen…I’d Change Our World =-.


    Jannie Funstering November 12, 2009 at 9:00 pm

    The thought of aiding world healing is very encouraging

    Wonderful stuff here,Tess. I like the fill-in-the-blanks part. Does that apply equally to Democrats AND Republicans?? :)


    GKS November 13, 2009 at 2:34 am

    hi Tess,
    Beautiful thought there… but the name is “Gandhi”.


    Tess The Bold Life November 13, 2009 at 8:53 am

    Are you focusing on my behavior! Seriously thanks for the correction!
    .-= Tess The Bold Life´s last post…If I were King or Queen…I’d Change Our World =-.


    Juliana January 17, 2010 at 11:36 am

    Thank you for using my picture on your site!
    .-= Juliana´s last post…Hi dogs! =-.


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