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How To Stop Being So Hard On Yourself

Everyone gets rejected, says the wrong things and experiences failure. When it happens to you, there is no reason to be so hard on yourself.  You don’t have to be your own worst enemy. Beating up on yourself doesn’t get you anywhere. No matter what, you will always be a person of value!  Instead, choose to change; ... [Read more]

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Don't be hard on s

Everyone gets rejected, says the wrong things and experiences failure. When it happens to you, there is no reason to be so hard on yourself. 

You don’t have to be your own worst enemy. Beating up on yourself doesn’t get you anywhere. No matter what, you will always be a person of value! 

Instead, choose to change; create a new habit. Learn to treat yourself with compassion, forgiveness and grace. Choose to be gentle on yourself. 

Read on and discover how to lighten up and think well of yourself no matter what happens. 

Look for the 'blesson'. Look for the lesson. What went wrong? How can you do things differently next time? Choose to grow forward and learn from painful situations. When you do, your lesson becomes a blessing … or a 'blesson'. 

Make life a positive process. Believe in your worthiness and brilliance. Take small steps and go at your own pace. Forget about time, be patient and have faith. 

Change your approach.  Become aware of your self-talk and think before you speak to yourself. Quiet your inner critic with kind words and loving affirmations, sprinkled with understanding and compassion. 

Sit in stillness. Ask for guidance. Listen to your intuition. When you can remain calm, without judgment, you are ready to carry on. 

Don’t sweat the small stuff.  Beware of the temptation to make mountains out of molehills. Our egos like to make horror movies out of our errors. Ask yourself, “Will this matter six months or a year from now? Lighten up and go with the flow. 

Do the opposite. Reward yourself for trying. Spend time being creative. Do something interesting. Spend your energy focused on the important, wonderful and beautiful things in life. 

Get off the pity pot. Everybody has problems. Nobody wants to listen to you complain about yours. If you need to feel sorry for yourself, put a limit on it. Give yourself 24 hours to be miserable; then get up and try again. Count your blessings, not your troubles. 

Create a loving mantra. I am beautiful, kind and enough. Say it to yourself when you are down or when you feel rejected and defeated. Repeat it when you catch yourself falling back into self-criticism. Repeat it when you can’t sleep at night. Practice it every time you have to wait in line. 

Get excited about your future. Learn to expect the best. Remain positive. Refuse to give up. I'm on your side and I have all the faith in the world in you.

Please leave your thoughts below.

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                 To me spirituality is learning to become a more loving person. My spiritual journey is a process that never ends. It gives my life meaning and purpose beyond the titles of wife, mother, psychologist, writer, speaker, and blogger. Living from my heart and letting go of fear ... [Read more]

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Bright Star Shine From Water
                

To me spirituality is learning to become a more loving person. My spiritual journey is a process that never ends. It gives my life meaning and purpose beyond the titles of wife, mother, psychologist, writer, speaker, and blogger.

Living from my heart and letting go of fear has taken me from a “me” based life to a “we” based life. I discovered our inner connectedness. 

I was in my mid-thirties and miserable when I forged a new path. My four teenagers were driving me crazy. I was out of control. I wanted to abandon everyone. Instead, I made the decision to continue therapy and began attending a support group.

Soon after, I began eating healthy and exercising. It was a natural progression. I replaced my blame and anger with self-love and forgiveness. 

I have gained enormous strength, energy, and faith from knowing the answers to any questions or problems in my life come from within.

Leading a life filled with love, meaning, and purpose, involves self acceptance, connecting with others, and appreciating the fullness of each moment. 

Knowing and acting from this place has allowed me to manage my power in a way that encourages spiritual growth. 

The most important thing I’ve learned is that we’re all here to help each other.

It’s time we begin believing in each other again. My desire is for every person who comes in contact with me to benefit from my energy and light…my presence.  

No matter where I am, or what I do, I can influence everyone I come into contact with in a good way. And so can you!

Consider the following insights and bits of wisdom gifts, from me to you, for your journey.

The real voyage of discovery consists of not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes. -Marcel Proust

Stop trying to be perfect.

There is nothing wrong with you. Accept who you are in this moment. You are enough. You have enough. You do enough. Nobody else has your purpose, gifts, or talents. Drop your crazy-making expectations of a perfect life. Instead bask in the glory of your imperfection.

Meditate. Live purely. Be quiet. Do your work with mastery. Like the moon, come out from behind the clouds! Shine.
–Budhha

Remain calm.

Stop all longing, craving, and struggling. Drop your agenda. Accept “what is.” Do acts of kindness for the pleasure it brings. Filling your days with trying to get some place or get some thing will steal your joy. Frantic behavior destroys peace of mind. Replace your striving with thriving.

Remember thisvery little is needed to make a happy life. -Marcus Aurelius

Delight in the magical moments.

Notice what arouses appreciation in you. It could be the blue sky, the squeaky clean smell of a baby, or the touch of a breeze on your bare skin. Savor these experiences like you would an expensive piece of chocolate. Your whole being craves wonder and joy! The only thing we have to do is become aware of it

Service is the very purpose of life. It is the rent we pay for living on the planet.
 -Marian Wright Edelman

Be of service.

We all have the power as individuals to make a difference in the life of every single person we meet. Everything we do counts. There is no such thing as a small act of service or kindness. 

When we are fearful, we tend to stop giving to others. We stop doing the very thing that will rid us of our fear. Exercising compassion, generosity, and empathy and doing good deeds makes our body, mind, and spirit thrive.

You experience grace and synchronicity. As you learn to give instead of grasp, unexpected miracles happen. You move forward freely and effortlessly. 

The everyday kindness of the back roads more than makes up for the acts of greed in the headlines. -Charles Kuralt

Keep your mind and heart open.

Believe in the goodness of the world. Diversity is Divine. Learn to celebrate differences rather than judge them. The loving kindness you offer to others acts as a healing balm that can’t be lost or diminished.

Don’t allow the negativity and fear in the world dictate how you live your life. Even in the darkness we can find a glimmer of light in everyone and everything.

Strong lives are motivated by dynamic purposes. -Kenneth Hildebrand

Focus on the answer.

In the midst of difficult circumstances, we tend to focus on the problem instead of the solution. Worry and anxiety create the exact thing we do not want. Learn to change your focus. Shift your perception. If you don’t believe in obstacles they fail to exist. Learn to create room for a resolution as you relax, breathe, listen, and let go. Release fear thoughts and expect the best in life.

Music has charms to soothe the savage breast, to soften rocks or bend a knotted oak. –Carl Lewis

Learn to soothe yourself in times of trouble.

When we feel overwhelmed by life it’s easy to use self-destructive behaviors like overeating, arguing, or drinking too much. One of the best methods I use to calm myself down is going for a long run. Invest time in discovering what makes you feel good. Try listening to music, hike a new trail, or write in your journal. 

I do not think of all the misery, but of the glory that remains. Go outside into the fields, nature, and the sun, go out and seek happiness in …Anne Frank

Don’t believe everything you think.

We terrorize ourselves by listening to, reading, and watching the news. Fear dissipates when we bring dark thoughts into the light.  Question what’s happening in the world. Focus on the people doing good and honorable things. Each time you catch yourself frightened by external events, go within and replace your fear thoughts with the memory of a happy place or time. Byron Katie asks, “Who would you be without your thoughts?”  

Screw up (often, and boldly), learn from your mistakes, repeat.  -Elizabeth Gilbert

Assume the Best 

Believe that all is in Divine Order. When you tire of swimming against the current of life you learn to go with the flow. Dwell on what can go right instead of what’s sure to go wrong. Remember infinite possibilities and opportunities exist. Remain open to risk and failure.

And we are put on Earth a little space, that we may learn to bear the beams of love. -Plato

Love everyone.

Let others off the hook. Focus on their loving qualities. Verbally acknowledge their amazing personalities, contributions, and success.

Stephen and Andrea Levine work with death and dying. According to them there are three things we all have in common. We all want to love, be loved, and know that we matter. Tell others they matter.

Imagine everyone with an invisible sign around their neck that says, “Make me feel special.” Doing this never fails to increase your joy, peace, and happiness.

Right now you are one choice away from a new beginningone that leads you toward becoming the fullest human being you can be. –Oprah Winfrey

Photographer: nuttakit

Farnoosh at Prolific Living has a great discussion going the benefits of being a mother vs choosing not to have children. Don't miss it!

What spiritual gifts would you add to this list?

Magic Mondays = 1/7 of Your Life

photo credit: Symic                                       Today Is Magic Monday! Leave the best comment and receive a copy of  "Invitation to Greatness."  Invitation to Greatness by Katherine Nuyens MA, CH, CBT A Creative Workbook for Inner Reflection for: Inner Reflection Self Expression Clearing Blocks Creating New patterns     Using this workbook you will embark on the ... [Read more]

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Creative Commons License photo credit: Symic

                                      Today Is Magic Monday!

Leave the best comment and receive a copy of  “Invitation to Greatness.” book.jpg

Invitation to Greatness
by Katherine Nuyens MA,
CH, CBT

A Creative Workbook for Inner Reflection for:

Inner Reflection
Self Expression
Clearing Blocks
Creating New patterns

 

 

Using this workbook you will embark on the path to greatness and discover:

  • We are responsible for our present situation by our past choices.
  • We can change our mind about how we see the world.
  • We can learn to see the perfection in others and ourselves.
  • We can release the pain of the past. We can heal the pain.
  • We can let go of the blame, forgiving ourselves and others.Forgiveness heals.
  • We can accept the power of love within ourselves. Love is our essence.
  • We can create the life we want and deserve because we are actually the cocreators of our experiences. We write a script and author the roles.

Katherine’s expertise is in facilitating empowerment for her clients with self-healing tools and techniques. Her commitment is best seen through the development of her clients’ own inner strengths.

Her recent book, INVITATION TO GREATNESS – A Workbook For Personal Growth, is a powerful tool in the genre of change technology. She has been reviewed as a refreshing new voice and a disarmingly honest therapist.

Katherine continues her cutting edge workshops and therapy from her home-based Center in the state of New Jersey.
————————————————————————————–

                                       8 Ways to Think Well of Yourself

1. Believe in your worthiness. You are worth taking care of. You are worth celebrating. You are worthy of success and you are worthy of happiness.

2. Own your charisma. When you love yourself and treat others with love you are irresistibly attractive. Your age, body type, or physical appearance becomes less important.  Your radiance can light up a room.

3. Develop your true identity. A good attitude, playfulness, the quality of your everyday choices and nurturing g your spirit all add to your what Robert Browning called “imprisoned splendor.”

4. Surround yourself with people who recognize your  value. Who holds you in positive regard? These people belong to your personal fan club. Besides my spouse and mom I think my biggest fans are my 12 year old grandson and 15 year old granddaughter.  Next would be my daughters their families and friends. I spend as much time as I can with them.

5. Get over the weight thing. We live in a culture obsessed with outward beauty. We all have a natural weight and our bodies know what it is. You don’t have to count calories or step on a scale.

The only thing necessary is to listen to your body. It will tell you what it wants and doesn’t want. Take all the energy you spend dwelling on your weight and put it towards your dreams and goals.

6. Give up being a victim, blaming, rescuing and entitlement. These will cause unhappiness and ugliness. Take 100% responsibility for your life. Own your “stuff” make the necessary changes and  move on.

7. Spend time in silence. When is the last time you were alone with your thoughts. Sit still and listen to the stillness. Breathe in love, breathe out fear. 10-15 minutes each day of sitting in silence will rock your world.

 8. Do something bold, daring & thrilling. Lance from Jungle of Life told me recently that he went sky diving. That’s thrilling!
I want to go on a safari in Africa. It doesn’t have to be something big.

Like Lisa from Travelin Local it can be right in your own back yard. When you think well of yourself you make daring and bold plans for yourself. Don’t delay!

Leave the best comment!

What bold, daring and thrilling thing have you done lately?
Or what bold and thrilling thing do you plan 
on doing soon?

24 Ways to Beat the Unemployment Blues

photo credit: booleansplitIniesta This is my final post in my unemployment series. "The world bursts at the seams with people ready to tell you you're not good enough. On occasion, some may be correct. But do not do their work for them. Seek any job; ask anyone out; pursue any goal. Don't take it personally ... [Read more]

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Creative Commons License photo credit: booleansplitIniesta

This is my final post in my unemployment series.

“The world bursts at the seams with people ready to tell you you’re not good enough. On occasion, some may be correct. But do not do their work for them. Seek any job; ask anyone out; pursue any goal. Don’t take it personally when thay say “no” – they may not be smart enough to say “yes.”
                                                           -Keith Olberman Broadcast journalist and host for MSNBC
If you have lost your job due to layoffs, downsizing or being fired understand a few things:
1) You’re not alone.
2) You will feel shame, demoralized, guilty and/or embarrassed.
3) This too shall pass.
4) You need a solid plan!  

The following are suggestions for your new beginning:

Be Proactive. Tell everyone you’re looking for a job. Tell family members, your friends, neighbors, previous coworkers, the mom’s club, your kid’s teacher or church members. Ask them to be on the look out for you. Give them a hard copy of your resume and ask them to read it so they understand what your skills are and what you’re looking for or interested in.

Apply for Benefits. Look into collecting unemployment, compensation, any unused vacation days.  Look into food stamps, a food pantry or soup kitchen. Be willing to do what it takes. Swallow your pride. You are not alone.

Update Your Resume, gear it towards the job you want. Get help with this if necessary. Make yours stand out. This is very important. Use keywords because most resumes are scanned by computers.

Keep a Log. Write down where you sent your resume and to whom, the date you send it, and any contact you’ve had. Log your interviews and the names and contact information of the interviewers.

Send Hand Written Thank You Notes after each job interview. Or better yet get creative. Someone I know who wanted a speaking job sent the place of business a chocolate shoe with a note that read, “How can I get my foot in the door?”

Educate Yourself. Now is the time to take the class you wish you had.  Spend thirty minutes a day learning a foreign language. It will give you an edge on your competition when the economy turns around. 

Listen for Guidance and Direction. Spend 15-30 minutes each morning in silence. Have a notebook with you. As creative ideas come to you write them down. You will have new insights on whom you should contact or send your resume to. If you learn to quiet the chatter in your head and listen for answers you will have clarity instead of confusion.

Fresh Ideas.  Create a list of your talents, skills and interests. See how you can apply them to another field. Is there a dream job you always wanted. Go for it. You have nothing to lose. You may have to go out of your comfort zone. Color outside the lines.

Take Action: Be persistent and consistent. Each day do at least 3 things you haven’t done before in your search. For example call and speak with someone new or find another networking group. Each evening jot down what three things you will do tomorrow.

Accept Part Time Work. Working part time will give you income and you’ll still have 20 hours for your job search. Some income is better than none.

Stay Motivated. Maintain a positive attitude.  Psyche yourself up with positive affirmations, thoughts and actions. Read and listen to inspirational material. Hang out with postivie people. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. This too shall pass.

Keep a Regular Routine. Keep the same office hours you had when you worked. If you had an 8am to 5pm job spend that time searching and networking at least four days a week. Your current work is to find a job.

Simplify Your Life. Spend time getting rid of clutter. Clean your office. Let go of the old so the new can flow in.

Create a Budget. Concentrate on paying your essential expenses and create a budget for extras if there is money left. Don’t use credit cards unless there is a real emergency.

Cut Out and Cut Back! Small stuff adds up. Don’t use credit cards unless you have a real emergency. Get rid of any extras. You don’t need 100’s of TV channels. Cut subscriptions on and off line. Does your family really need four cell phones?

Forget the guilt. Learn to tell your children “no.” If they have essentials they have enough. Explain your position to your family and ask them to understand. You now have more time to spend with them and that’s even better than new stuff!

Strive for Emotional Wellness. Become aware of your emotions. It’s normal to feel shame, anger and upset. Feel your emotions and let them out, cry, vent and move on. Don’t blame others. Don’t carry resentment into your new place of employment.

Exercise and Eat Healthy. You now have the time to do both. Avoid too much of anything especially alcohol and overeating.

Do Something Fun and New. Go to a movie, hike, ride your bike, help a friend. Rediscover new ways of relaxing and enjoying life without spending money.

Laugh. Watch and listen to comedy. Look for ways to bring humor into your life. Find joy in simple things, a sunset, a sunny day or fresh loaf of bread.

Deal with Stress. Meditate. Lift weights. Spend time in silence. Journal. Take a dance class. Join a book club.

Seek Support. Find a group, a friend or a neighbor that will listen to your doubts and worries. Make a list of all of the people who love you. Be willing to reach out

Begin Your Own Support Group. Invite others who are unemployed. Use it in a positive way for moral support.

Stay in the Moment. Learn to live in the present. Put up a sign that says, “Just for today do not worry.” Take one day at a time. One step at a time and one minute at a time in your most difficult days.
Do you know someone who is unemployed? Would you be willing to email them my list? Thanks!

40 Simple Ways to Save Money

photo credit: dno1967 Being frugal is in. Due to economic times many people are being forced to live on less. Let's look at how we can feel empowered by shifting our attitudes about spending and buying less. Instead of feeling like a victim, poor me, I can't have this, I can't have that...I tell myself I'm learning ... [Read more]

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Creative Commons License photo credit: dno1967

Being frugal is in. Due to economic times many people are being forced to live on less. Let’s look at how we can feel empowered by shifting our attitudes about spending and buying less.

Instead of feeling like a victim, poor me, I can’t have this, I can’t have that…I tell myself I’m learning a new way to live that will enrich my relationships, my savings account and myself. We are taking back our freedom. This is our chance to get creative and make it as much fun as we possibly can.

Some of the methods I suggest may have been said before. But have we put them into practice?
Some are  new ideas or a twist on an old one. Hopefully what you read will inspire you to act and create even more ways to save.

1. Grocery shopping. Limit your time in the store. Plan your meals. Bring a list and stick to it. Do not bring your children with you and don’t shop when you’re hungry.  Shop for food once per week. If you run out of something put it on your list for the following week. Learn to improvise. Also check your reciept to make sure you haven’t been over charged for anything.

2. Purchase generic store brands. Buy in bulk. Join a food co-op. Stock up on ceral, rice, beans pasta, soda, shampoo, body wash, toothpaste, bathroom tissue.

3. Use coupons. go to www.coupons.com and www.couponmom.com. Purchase what is on sale for the week. Choose apples on sale and purchase the full-priced when they go on sale.

Teach your children to be frugal. Challenge them to find coupons for things you need.

4. Brew your own coffee and tea. At the same time give yourself permission to treat yourself once in a while. Get a large jar and put your change in it that you’d normally spend on coffee or other fancy drinks. Label the jar “Money I Didn’t Waste.” When the jar is full deposit it in a special account. If your latte costs between $3-$6 each time, imagine the savings over 10 years.

5. Pack a lunch for work. Gather a group of coworkers that want to do the same. Each person can take a day to make sandwiches for everyone. Then you only have to do this one time per week. Make it fun. Ingredients for sandwiches should become a household staple.

es and bring them along when you are on any road trip over one hour. Always be prepared.

6. Avoid all vending machines. End of story.

7. Be prepared with snacks.  Carry healthy snacks in your purse and car at all times especially if you have children. Buy in bulk if you can, then divide into servings and put in ziplock baggies. Get the kids involved. Always have drinks in the car as well. Then you don’t have to stop and shop at convenience stores.

8. Cook at home. If you don’t know how to cook, learn. Prepare meals together on the weekends. Make large batches and freeze what’s left over. You can also purchase a crock pot so your meal is ready when you return home.

9. Go out to eat during happy hour. Happy hour usually has appetizers half price. Order soda and you can get free refills. If alcohol is your choice that is discounted as well. You can also find deals at www.restaurant.com.

10. Purchase gifts for your children on birthdays and holidays only. You are teaching them to live on less. They will grow up without a sense of entitlement.

11. Go to the matinee.If you go prior to 6 pm tickets are discounted. Treat yourself to ice cream prior to going and avoid spending money at the consession stand.

12. Purchase less music. Listen to your old stuff.

13. Watch less TV and you and your children will view less commercials.

14. Cut your cable bill, look at basic options.

15. Avoid late fees by paying your bills on time. Pay your bills on the same day and at the same time so it becomes a habit.

16.  Practice gratitude when you pay your bills. Be grateful for every service and product you purchase. You will change your attitude and energy. It doesn’t have to be an unpleasant task.

17. Examine your credit card bills to make sure you aren’t charged for something you didn’t purchase. Do the same for bank and phone statements. It’s amazing how often we find errors.

18. Eliminate your land line if possible. Hook your internet via cable.

19. Seek out and get your hair done at an education beauty institute or learn to do your own,

20. Do your own manicures and pedicures.

21. Purchase used books, discounted books or go the librabry. Teach your children to do this as well.

22. Buy pre-owned cars that have low milage and are only a few years old. Find a knowlegable person to help you make the purchase if needed. A new one depreciates the minute it’s off the lot. Always negotiate the price, always. Be willing to walk away.
 
23. Care for your car and keep it as long as possible. When you are finished paying for it put it put the monthly payment in your savings account.

24. Purchase an online DVD membership. Netflix is cheaper than renting or buying videos. You can also get them at the library.

25. Purchase appliances that are dented or scratched.Sears put theirs on sale. We have purchased them for our cottage and havesaved a significant amount of money.

26. Do your own landscaping.

27. Grow your own food if possible. Get your famiily involved.

28. Do your own house cleaning. Involve your entire family in the process. Choose the same day and time weekly.

29. Unplug electric apliances instead of just turning them off. Turn off lights and fans if you aren’t in the room. Lower your thermostat in the winter and wear a sweater.

30. Carpool and/or use public transportation. If you did this regularly you could save a lot over the years.

31. Ride your bike if possible to work or to run errands.

32. Travel closer to home. Learn to camp and enjoy the outdoors. You can take more trips that are less extravagant. Check for online bargains and discounts.

33. Entertain at home. Invite everyone to bring a dish to pass and play games or cards.

34. Purchase gently used clothing. Go to thrift shops and garage sales. Grab a friend or two and make it fun.

35. Partner and share babysitting services with family and friends. 

36. Stop all memberships. Exercise at home instead of joining a gym. Give up online memberships as well. Give up your country club.

37. Don’t allow emotions to control your money. Never shop when you’re bored, sad, cranky, angry or in a bad mood. Find other ways to uplift yourself.

38. Shop thrift stores, flea markets, and garage/yard sales to decorate your home.

39. Avoid purchasing brand name shampoo, conditioner and body wash and other products

40. Barter services. Organizing, painting, cleaning, automobile repairs and other talents and jobs can be bartered with friends, neighbors and families.

Bonus: 41. Quit smoking. Get help with addictions. They rob you of more than your money.

Please leave a comment and tell us how you are being frugal or in 2009!