Fear of Rejection: Get Over It!

by Tess

This video is about rejection. It's short and clear!

Are you feeling rejected by a friend who has moved on, a date who has lost interest, or a bank that refuses to give you a loan?

If you don't understand rejection it can be devastating. If you do, rejection may be uncomfortable but it doesn't stop the flow of your day or your life. 

Read on for tips that can help you bounce back from feelings of rejection:

Be gentle with yourself. 

Weather you need a job or want a date, the "no" word can throw you off your center. Don't take it personally. Give yourself a break. Listen to music, take a nap, go for a walk. Change your emotional state.

Create a positive story. 

Watch your negative self-talk after you are rejected. You'll find yourself saying, "I'm not smart enough, good enough or special enough."

Train yourself to believe that there is something better for you. Expect the best.

Everyone gets turned down.

It's not about you. It's about the timing, the position, the question or the circumstances. You can't see the big picture. You have no idea what's really going on.

Don't focus on rejection.

Don't dwell on it, don't over analyze it, and don't over talk it to others. It is what it is.  Ruminating over your loss is a waste of time and energy. It blocks solutions.

Be here now.

Stay in the present moment. Stay out of the pain of the past or fear of the future. Breathe. Smile. 

Move on.

Let it go. Relax. Try something different. When you catch yourself falling back, remind yourself that you're moving forward. 

Forgive yourself.

If you didn't prepare, if you showed up late, if you behaved badly, forgive yourself. Figure out how to do better the next time. Then do it!

It's an opportunity to grow.

Rejection can make you stronger, wiser, and tougher. What did you learn from the experience? What is your lesson?

Seek out rejection.

When you dream big and dare to do the unthinkable you will be rejected more often. For every no you receive, you're closer to your yes.

Look for new opportunities. 

Remain optimistic. When one door closes a window opens. 

Be Boldask again and ask often.

When someone tells you "no," nothing has changed. You're in the same position you were in before you asked.

When you shift your perception like this it gives you the momentum to keep asking. Think of rejection as an effort instead of failure.

The mark of an Authentic Life
is when we are no longer
willing to contain our Greater Self
just to avoid discomfort.

Your life has a Higher Purpose
than seeking approval.

If you offer your life
to your Grandest Vision,
it will free the Genius with you.

Can you feel the urge to offer more? ~ Josh Cohen

Print this out and tape it to your wall. Read it before your next request. Memorize it. If you aren't being rejected,  you aren't moving forward!

If you want strengthen the love in your relationship, check out my teleseminar, "Create Your Own Love Story:How to Go from Ho-hum to Juicy, Fun, and Lovable!" Sign us today!

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{ 36 comments… read them below or add one }

Nea | Self Improvement Saga January 30, 2012 at 8:04 am

Oh well…so what…next! I love this, Tess. I also like that you said, “If you aren’t being rejected, you aren’t moving forward.” I think that’s so important because it takes us beyond just having a way to deal with rejection if it happens. This statement tells us to actually get out there and take chances, fully embracing the FACT that rejection will happen. And we will survive.
Nea | Self Improvement Saga´s last post…Inspirational Thoughts: The Perfect Jumping Off Place

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Tess January 31, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Nea,
You would think we would remember how we survive each rejection, wouldn’t you? Silly humans, we are! Thanks for your support.

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Connie Lee @ The Power To Live January 30, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Hi, Tess,

Your post spoke to me, because we speak the same language!

Your advice is the same words of wisdom I share with others; be gentle with yourself, ‘Be here, now.’, forgive yourself and always keep it moving!

Everything happens for a reason. There are no accidents.

When I’m rejected, I take a moment to say, ‘Thank You, Universe! That wasn’t the right fit for me.’ I always look at it as bringing me one step closer to a big, fat, abundant ‘Yes!’

Connie
Connie Lee @ The Power To Live´s last post…How To Uncover Your Truth

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Tess January 31, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Connie,
Yes we do need to remember that and I love big, fat, and abundant yes’s!

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Galen Pearl January 30, 2012 at 5:43 pm

A friend of mine said she thought that she always had to make people happy or they wouldn’t like her. She had to work a long time to understand that she couldn’t “make” other people happy, and that it was okay if some people didn’t like her. Great advice!
Galen Pearl´s last post…Seasonal Yin Yang

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Tess January 31, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Hi Galen,
Yes not only does it work, we usually turn others off by appearing needy and untrue to ourselves.

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Steve Rice January 30, 2012 at 7:37 pm

Love this vid, Tess.

“Oh well. So what. Next!” I will have to remember that. It’s really catchy. You should write a book/article or speech/presentation built around this phrase. You could use each statement as a point in the speech and just provide thoughts and illustrations as support.

Thanks for sharing this powerful short insight.
Steve Rice´s last post…Let’s Play Big, You and I. (Gain Clarity. Find Purpose. Pursue Passion)

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Tess The Bold Life February 2, 2012 at 4:52 am

Steve,
Great idea! I’ll be thinking on this one. It sure is a needed topic. Thanks for your support.
Tess The Bold Life´s last post…Fear of Rejection: Get Over It!

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Alex Blackwell | The BridgeMaker January 30, 2012 at 7:50 pm

It’ so going on my fridge Tess – thanks for sharing this.

Alex

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Tess January 31, 2012 at 3:11 pm

OK Alex and it’s on mine as well. You know a person needs to practice what they preach;)

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Find Your Harmony January 30, 2012 at 10:25 pm

Tess,
First off, I LOVE being able to hear your voice after reading your posts for so long! Awesome. And the last bit….Oh well, So what? NEXT? is something that will resonate with me.

I have a good friend who does job/interview coaching. I am sending this on to her. What a worthwhile post for her to share with clients.

For me, personally, I spent years trying to get people to like me. When I finally recognized that is just IMPOSSIBLE, my life opened up for a lot more joy!
Love and Harmony!
Jen
Find Your Harmony´s last post…Finding Harmony when life is rough.

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Tess January 31, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Jen,
You’re so kind and how I appreciate your support. Yes it would be good for a job interviewing coach! Thanks so much!

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Evita January 31, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Hi Tess!

Love the video – you are looking so bright and beautiful and the message was so wonderful. I love how you bring humour into serious matters and make us all lighten up. The ending message in your video was awesome and I chuckled :) So true…”oh well, so what, next”

Oh Tess, to tell you the truth even before the video and article, you had me at “get over it” in the title. I was already loving it. Instead of feeling sorry for ourselves, let’s put things into perspective and yes – get over it :)
Evita´s last post…Going Beyond Circumstances: Life is What You Make It with Peter Buffett

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Tess The Bold Life February 2, 2012 at 5:01 am

Hi Evita,
Thanks for telling me you chuckled. I haven’t lost my touch then! I appreciate your support and praise…I’m getting bolder with video;)
Tess The Bold Life´s last post…Fear of Rejection: Get Over It!

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joe @ shake off the grind January 31, 2012 at 7:19 pm

Tess,

Struggling with rejection was something that held me back earlier on. I wish I could’ve worked through this sooner because once I did I was willing to take risk, became less of a perfectionist, and was willing to set my sights higher. All it took was understanding the value of mistakes and the growth involved.
joe @ shake off the grind´s last post…Are You Going to Cope or Mope? How to Bounce Back from Nearly Anything

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Tess The Bold Life February 2, 2012 at 5:03 am

Joe,
It’s OK to feel your emotion and be hurt, mad, whatever. Point being get over it and get on with it. But you know that now! Thanks for your support.

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Evelyn Lim January 31, 2012 at 8:02 pm

Wow….love your message. I love how you ended the video on a powerful note. It’s great that it’s short and to the point. Great idea with getting your message across by not making the post too lengthy!
Evelyn Lim´s last post…How to Unleash the Power of Your Subconscious Mind

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Tess The Bold Life February 2, 2012 at 5:03 am

Thanks Evelyn…you’re the best!

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Sandra / Always Well Within January 31, 2012 at 10:02 pm

Tess,

I love to keep this idea in your mind. “When one door closes a window opens.” Thanks for reminding us!
Sandra / Always Well Within´s last post…January 2012 Review: On Writing and Micropublishing

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Tess The Bold Life February 2, 2012 at 5:04 am

Hi Sandra,
Yes I like window more than door…a window I can see sooner and then I can turn it into a door if it’s right for me.

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Stephen Martin February 1, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Tess — of all the very good tips you offer here, I think “seek out rejection” is the toughest and potentially the most powerful. It goes completely against the grain of who most of us are and how we’re raised. But it’s an incredible change agent when we embrace it. Almost without exception, the best things in my life have been rooted in prior rejections that I didn’t seek out. How much more could we grow if we sought them out deliberately?

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Tess The Bold Life February 2, 2012 at 5:05 am

Stephen,
Yes it’s a bold idea isn’t it? Let’s make that our motto for 2012! Wouldn’t that make it a grand year?

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Marion Driessen February 3, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Tess, I watched your video without blinking (I think) and laughed out loud (for joy) when you said ‘Oh well… so what. NEXT!’ I love it and will think of your words when rejection sails around the corner again. Have shared the post on Facebook.
Have a great weekend,
Marion
Marion Driessen´s last post…Winter Food

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Rose Byrd February 3, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Tess, thank you for this entire post, but especially the Josh Cohen poem. Bold people are the ones who keep offering more and more and more; and who just keep BEING!
Rose Byrd´s last post…STAGGERING UPHILL STRAIGHT AHEAD

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Rand February 3, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Thanks Tess!

Darn Tootin!

Dream Big!

Will take a breather from rejection this afternoon for a hike up Cowels Mountain…have ya made it up Camel Back Mountain Tess? I caught your comment about it this morning. Today the old bod says just go slow and enjoy the view of the whole county once on top (will be able to clearly see the Coronado Islands today.

Well once down from the mountain and I *try* tonight…if rejection happens…a blue print is already made for getting over it!

Take care,
Rand

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Rand February 5, 2012 at 9:01 pm

,,,well Tess… Rand came “asked” and was kindly rejected…

:) + :(

But after the fact! These two last sugestions really stand out:

“When someone tells you “no,” nothing has changed. You’re in the same position you were in before you asked.”

“When you shift your perception like this it gives you the momentum to keep asking. Think of rejection as an effort instead of failure.”

Thanks for a most timely and helpful post!

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Tanja February 3, 2012 at 2:31 pm

I’m not 100% sure of this, but I have a feeling that as I become more comfortable with saying “no” to other people for all kinds of reasons – from not having the time, to not quite feeling as though we fit right, to simply having something else more pressing at that moment – I’m going to get more comfortable *hearing* no as well.

At the moment, I often find it hard to say no to people around minor things (it’s something I’m working on), so the only times it comes immediately is when there’s something HUGE that’s wrong for me with what I’m being asked for or offered. One of my goals is to get to that place… I think it’s Danielle LaPorte mentions it – where something’s either “Hell, YES!” or “No”, with nothing in between.

I think maybe once I start being able to only say “Yes” to things that really, truly nourish me and fit my goals for myself, I’ll take it far less personally when other people don’t immediately (or ever) say “yes” to what I offer or ask them for.

Blessings – TANJA
Tanja´s last post…WtDBP Process #9: Step 6 – take a break!

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Kay Nuyens February 3, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Loved the video, Tess! I have been studying a modality called Access Consciousness. They suggest that we always ask the Universe questions. So, when something good or seemingly not so good happens in our life , we ask: “How does it get any better than this?” and yes- “What’s next?” This is my favorite question!- “What is it about me that I am not getting?”

Thanks for being you! Kay

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David Stevens February 3, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Hi Tess,
Thanks for the vid and…….you are so right, we just need to get over the “prescious stuff” and get on with it. Thankyou
be good to yourself
David

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Jt Clough | Big Island Dog February 3, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Mahalo.
There are some things I want to do I think this is the underlying reason I haven’t started them. Rejection.

Again you have inspired me to make today better than yesterday… even though yesterday was pretty awesome!
Jt Clough | Big Island Dog´s last post…Walking on Clouds a Mauna Kea Perspective

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Tony Daniels February 3, 2012 at 7:28 pm

Hey Tess, thanks for the post concerning rejection. I was feeling a bit flat over getting rejected and then suddenly I saw your post in my emails. I started to laugh!!! Its great how the universe gives us exactly what we need when we need it. Thank you xxx

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Corinne Rodrigues February 4, 2012 at 3:25 am

Fantastic, Tess. I love that bit of self-talk and I can see myself using it often: ‘Oh well! So what? Next!!” It kind of reminded me of a phrase from a British Television serial, ‘It Ain’t Half Hot Mum.’ One of the central characters was the Sergeant Major. Every time a private came to him with a complaint he’d go: ‘Oh dear. How sad. Never mind’. I keep using that phrase, but I’m going to switch to yours :)

Your post is urging me to stop withholding myself from being me and to step way out of my comfort zone. Thank you!
Corinne Rodrigues´s last post…Real

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Noel February 4, 2012 at 7:29 am

Awesome Tess! “If you aren’t being rejected, you aren’t moving forward!” This is very true… We shouldn’t let the fear of rejection stop us from moving on, to start afresh. Just as Mark Twain said: Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So, keep going~ “Oh well.. so what, next!” great one!!
Noel´s last post…Motivational Quotes For Women To Move On

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Emily Mount February 5, 2012 at 4:58 pm

I appreciate the reminders to be gentle with myself and create positive self talk. It’s hard to remember.
Emily Mount´s last post…Thing # 4

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Tathata February 6, 2012 at 12:45 am

Thank you for this post! You have written into a few pages some of the most important lessons to learn in life!
Tathata´s last post…How My Own Value Shows Itself In Many Forms and The Importance Of Seeing Many Points of View

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cathrin June 21, 2012 at 7:49 am

Loved it. After long time I have seen a awesome post.
cathrin´s last post…Life picture quotes-1

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