Life isn’t always a smooth ride. Unexpected, negative events happen to everyone. These events become our stories of pain and loss. They impact and change the course of our lives.
Some stories seem to be more devastating than others: stories of cancer, lost limbs, massacres, rape, abuse, schizophrenia, starvation, poverty… When we have stories of big pain and devastation, we allow them to be seen, felt and heard.
If we don’t have a big story about pain, we often don’t allow ourselves to feel what’s going on. Instead, we’re ashamed. We deny ourselves the space to heal.
We swallow it, suck it up, and/or pretend that everything is fine.
We suck up the flu, a headache or a sports injury. We suck up a heartache, job loss, fear and failure to get a raise or land a desired client.
We suck up the pain and the loss, and try to stay strong. We compare ourselves to others who have it worse. We simply discount whatever it is we’re going through.
We judge their pain against our pain, and we suffer in other ways because of it. We suffer and we don’t even know we’re suffering, which causes us to suffer more!
We numb ourselves with drugs, alcohol, shopping and gaming. We suffer alone. We die little deaths. We may tell ourselves to: “Get over it. Stop whining. Don’t complain. Get a life. Appreciate what you have. For God’s sake, get a grip!”
It’s not good to compare stories. It’s not good to stay silent. There’s no hierarchy of pain. Pain. Is. Pain.
Acknowledge it. Feel it. Speak of it. Grieve it.
When loss, pain and negative events happen, I like to remember that I don’t know what anything is for. I can’t see the entire picture. Asking “why” is a waste of time. There are no answers. It’s just life.
This time, it’s my life
I’ve been struggling with pain in my hip area for months. In January, I thought it was because I’d been sitting on one foot while writing and working. Turns out I was wrong.
Over the last several months, I got x-rays and MRIs.
I saw two different chiropractors, a physical therapist and my general practitioner. Nobody had any answers. The pain continued.
Late in May, Hubs and I flew to Michigan for my grandson’s high school graduation.
While there, a neurosurgeon, a friend of our family, read my MRIs and said I had a lumbar herniated disc. It hurt like hell. I opted to stay in Michigan for treatment, and opted out of surgery.
I just returned home. I’m not completely healed, but I’m doing well. Yay!
Because I was one of ten children, I learned how to be tough and stay strong through any difficulty or pain. We had to be near death to be treated by a physician.
I carried this attitude right into adulthood. Then I learned self-care and self-compassion.
I’ve learned to give voice to my pain and now I give myself extreme self-care and I ask for and accept help from others.
I want you to become aware of how you brush off mental and physical suffering, sickness or pain.
The next time you hurt love-yourself-up by doing the following:
Accept help
I stayed in Michigan and worked with Dr. Steven Rapp and two awesome physical therapists. I rotated between my two oldest daughters’ homes for over six weeks. They helped me get to my appointments.
They loved me through the difficult time and we also had a lot of fun!
Grieve and accept your losses
My condition is degenerative. There are some things I can’t do anymore, like running. I’ve been running for 25+ years. I now bend over and pick things up differently.
I missed The World Domination Summit and I’ll miss Camp Good Life in August. I lost ticket money. This is a big deal to me. I’m dealing with it, though, and know things will be fine.
Allow
Learn to love what you have and love what you don’t have. What did I – and do I – have? Family. Connections. Love. Support. Did I just cover everything or what?!! What didn’t or don’t I have? A young spine. Great insurance. I missed Hubs.
I took one day at a time and allowed myself to be where I was. I didn’t fight with reality. I stayed out of the fear of the future.
We overestimate how much control we have in our lives. Life happens. Learn to love what you have, and love what you don’t. Just allow.
Be in love with life no matter what
I loved seeing my grandchildren. Mackenzie has a new love and Andrew is taking summer classes at Eastern University.
I bought a magic book for six-year-old Henri. We learned tricks together. He’s finding joy in making coins disappear, tying knots in ropes, and entertaining his friends as a magician.
On a beautiful summer night, we ate dinner, made s’mores and watched fireworks on one daughter’s new patio.
We saw Train and Frey in concert. The ground was wet and muddy and our lawn chairs were on a slant. (This is when I really knew I was on the mend!)
We acted out a love for life.
Honor and respect your healing
We hear all the time about how strong the human spirit is. We know we can impact our own healing. I chose to have the epidurals. I was all in with my physical therapy. I asked for extra exercises. I showed up at the pool early and stayed late.
We know we can overcome a great many things. Yet it’s always necessary to take the time and space to honor and respect our healing and grieving process.
The next time you’re in the midst of a difficult time. Remember to love-yourself-up. And allow others to love you as well. You’ll heal twice as fast! I promise.
Thank you to all who help by sharing my posts. I couldn’t do this without your! I appreciate everything! x Tess
