12 Things You Need to Do to Change Your Relationship with Fear

change your relationship to fear

How many of your thoughts are fearful? I want you to notice how many times per day you find yourself fearfully obsessing about what might or might not happen in your life. 

Do you worry everyday about your job, children, life partner or your business? Notice what you fear the most and how often you recycle the same fears.

Track your fears in a notebook or on your phone. Become aware of just how fearful you really are.

Living in fear is an addiction. Worrying about the future is worthless. It’s a choice to hang on to fear. It’s what we tend to do when we think we’re unworthy, incapable or unwilling to surrender.

Would you be willing to put the same time, effort and energy into your personal growth, living your dream or helping others?

How would your life be different if you changed your relationship to fear?

Take a few minutes today and get a clear picture of what your world might look like. What would you be doing differently?

Fear steals our energy, our dreams and our opportunities. Fear keeps us stuck in procrastination, projection and a self-made prison. It distorts our past, present and future. Fear is blinding and binding.

It’s time to shake things up and change your relationship with fear. Here’s how:

1. Dig deep for courage and confidence. Remind yourself of previous brave times. It’s time to take the action that you need to make living more enjoyable, adventurous and fun.

2. When you feel better go back to your plan. Stop taking phone calls and stop reading emails. Stop working. Sit with yourself in a quiet space and go within. Breathe. Pray. Meditate. 

3. Tell fear to take a back seat. Nip it in the bud. Don’t give it the breathing room to survive. Starve it and allow it to shrink to nothing.

4. Let go of your story. Tell fear, “The End!” Focus on the task or step in front of you. Relax into the moment. That’s where life happens.

5. Lean into your fear. Ride it out. It will lead you to your next step, a potential gain, new knowledge or a bigger perspective.

6. Stop making it hard. Change your thoughts and believe! If you want it to be easy, belief that it can be. Don’t listen to everything your mind says. Talk back to it.

7. Write down what has gone right in your world for the last 24 hours. We usually focus on a problem or two, and forget all of the good stuff. 

8. Write down what you got right in the last 24 hours. Forgive yourself for what you did wrong or any mistakes you’ve made. Count your successes. What did you do right? Miracles happen when you shift your perception. 

9. Do something that scares you. Show fear who’s the boss. You’ll get more confident and stronger. You will grow your courage muscles, spirit and dreams.

10. Bet on yourself. Believe that you’ll be able to handle whatever comes up. Know that you can get through anything. Talk yourself out of your fear. Think, speak and act your way to success.

11. Get help. Take a course. Create a plan. You are the inventor. You determind your future. Make it grand!

 12. Venture beyond known territories. Visit new places. Make amazing friends. Try something new. Stretch your limits. Widen your comfort zone. Make life exciting. Be courageous. There’s a whole new world waiting for you!


My e-courses are available at over 70% off! You don’t have to spend a ton of money to get beyond your fear. Grab one and begin now!

My best work is my course, 30 Days of Bold: Feeling Excited And Ready. Check it out. Today is the best time to begin something new!

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Beth July 28, 2014, 7:07 am

    Wow, Tess, you’ve spent a lot of time in my head! I relate/recognize all 12 (and I love the number 12!) but the one that resonates the most is #2–stop everything until I can get calm. I tend to spin out of control but deliberately and mindfully stopping is something I can control!

    A hugful of thanks to you!

    • Tess July 28, 2014, 12:08 pm

      I hear ya! It seems to me that we humans either have an issue speaking up and allowing ourselves to be taken advantage of or speaking our mind too much, too loud or inappropriately. All need to meet in the middle!

  • Cathy Taughinbaugh July 28, 2014, 8:39 am

    Wonderful tips here, Tess. I like the idea of thinking about what went right and what a person did right during the last 24 hours. It boosts our self confidence. Numbers 3 & 4 speak to me as well. . “Tell fear to take a back seat.” and “Let go of your story.” are good everyday reminders to put fear aside and get on with your life.

    • Tess July 28, 2014, 12:09 pm

      The what went right and what I got right has been life-changing for me. Thanks Cathy!

  • Sebastian Aiden Daniels July 28, 2014, 10:42 am

    I think writing out your fears is so important. You can’t change anything you aren’t aware of. Number 1 on your list has helped me get through so many tough times. It is awesome to look back on your life and go well I thought that would be impossible to get through, but I did and everything is fine so I can get through what I am facing now. Thanks for these awesome encouragements : D.

  • Tess July 28, 2014, 12:10 pm

    You’re amazing! I appreciate you sharing with us! Have a great week!

  • Betsy/Zen Mama July 28, 2014, 3:26 pm

    So happy to have happened upon this post. School is going to start again in 3 weeks and I needed this!! I’m digging deep for courage and confidence!!

  • Stacey July 28, 2014, 3:57 pm

    These tips are fabulous and all needed at different points for me…right now, #2 seems to make the most sense! Since I’m in the process of developing some new programs as well as embarking on a coaching contract with an insurance company, sometime my mind spins into fear…fear of a lack of time…fear of not being able to manage…and in the end, fear of not being successful. Thanks for some great reminders about how to stay mindful and relax into the change of the future ahead!

  • Mary Lynn Mura July 31, 2014, 6:24 pm

    Tess, Thank you so much for this post. I love how you say it like it is and don’t dance around the issue. I have fought fear most of my life. I would have never called it an “addiction” but that is exactly what it was. I will continue to attack my fear but now with the intensity I would attack any “addiction.” I have already begun working with a coach. I have enjoyed following your blog and look forward to your next posts. Thank you for your boldness in speaking the truth.
    -Mary Lynn

  • sherill August 21, 2014, 12:11 am

    Hi, great tips. Fear is something that is innate in all of us, it holds us back and can cripple us, as what you have said, “It’s time to take the action that you need to make living more enjoyable”. Let us all learn to manage our fears. Thanks for sharing. Great post.

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