The Scoop On Rejection: What Bold People Know

by Tess

rejection what bold people know

Are you ready to free yourself from the idea of rejection for good? Sounds crazy, doesn’t it? 

Everyone experiences rejection, including you, me, Bill Gates, President Obama and Oprah Winfrey. Maybe you didn’t get the job, a date or the answer you wanted. 

Unless you understand the power you have over rejection and learn to use it, you’ll continue to cheat yourself out of grand adventures and awesome opportunities throughout your lifetime out of fear of being rejected. 

Without knowledge and a plan of action you can easily feel devastated, dejected and undesirable. Seek out rejection. When you do understand it, a whole new world opens up for you.

You feel unstoppable and undefeatable. You live a bold life!

Like Oprah Winfrey put it so eloquently, “I don’t want anyone who doesn’t want me.” 

Rejection is a lie, an illusion and a story that only exists in your mind. It steals your future. 

It’s hard to believe that the best is yet to come when you turn down possibilities and opportunities to do great things out of fear of rejection. 

We cause our own pain by re-living and re-experiencing the story of rejection in our minds and in the stories we make up and tell others. 

We believe our own stories! We blame ourselves, whine about our inadequacies and beat ourselves up relentlessly. We put up walls and crawl into deep holes of depression. This only deepens the pain we cause ourselves. 

I no longer take rejection personally. Yes it can still sting but I don’t allow it to take me into a negative story of fear or a pity party. And I certainly don’t allow it to stop me from savoring and living each moment of my life out loud in vivid and living color! 

Here are some things you can do to avoid the fear and rut of rejection.

Remember who you are. You are a magnificent being. You are worthy and lovable. You are strong and resilient. You can get through anything that feels like rejection. Nothing and nobody can change these facts. 

You can't see the big picture. You don’t get turned down because you weren’t good enough. You got turned down due to the circumstances, the position or the timing. It's not about you. You have no idea what's really going on.

Everyone has the privilege to choose and to say no. Remind yourself that it’s not about you! Don’t take it personally. Making choices means just that – it’s a choice made by another person. It’s not a rejection. Think about the numerous people and things you turn down each time you make a choice. 

Invent an exciting life. We are all inventors. Train yourself to believe that there is something better for you. Watch your negative self-talk after you’re rejected. Adopt the mantra, “Oh well, so what, this or something better!”

Choose to feel good. The "no" word can throw you off your center. Give yourself a break. Take a nap, go for a walk or listen to music. Change your emotional state. Practice this often. 

Don’t block solutions. Don’t over-analyze it, don’t worry about what others think, don’t dwell on it. Ruminating on rejection is a waste of time and energy. 

Use rejection as an opportunity to grow. You are stronger, wiser and tougher. Look for the lesson in the situation. What can you learn or do differently next time? Remain optimistic. 

Soothe your emotional pain. Stay in the present moment. Stay out of the pain of the past or fear of the future. Relax. Take a time out, regroup, refresh and renew. Breathe. Smile.  

Ask repeatedly. Ask often. Think of rejection as an effort instead of failure. When you shift your perception it gives you the momentum to keep asking. When someone tells you "no”, nothing has changed. You're in the same position you were in before you asked.  

Seek out rejection. When you dare to do the unthinkable, when you have big dreams, when you live on the edge, you will be rejected more often. For every “no” you receive, you're closer to your “yes”. Look for your next chance. It just might be your “yes”. It’s as simple as that. Please help me share the scoop on Twitter and Facebook! 

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photo image: Sira Anamwong

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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Sandra Pawula June 3, 2014 at 5:26 pm

Love this, Tess! This rings so true: “We cause our own pain by re-living and re-experiencing the story of rejection in our minds and in the stories we make up and tell others.”

I really appreciate your honesty when you say it’s not that rejection doesn’t still sting a bit at times, but you don’t dwell there. And, you have all these wonderful ways to make your goodness really, really big so the rejection is tiny in comparison.
Sandra Pawula´s last post…Self-Care 101: 3-Day Super Sale

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Tess June 3, 2014 at 6:51 pm

Hey Sandra,

I have no desire to sit in misery ever. I only allow it to sting because I don’t like to feel bad. I want to savor life and feel joy!

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Sebastian Aiden Daniels June 3, 2014 at 10:33 pm

This was a great post. I love it. Rejection is a tough cookie to handle. I’ve gotten better at it over time. I love your closer of seek out rejection. I am trying to do a thing where I have to get someone to say no to me! Rejection isn’t rejection, it is just the doorway to another way.
Sebastian Aiden Daniels´s last post…Mental Illness is a Chemistry Issue, Not a Character Flaw

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Tess June 4, 2014 at 6:19 am

Sebastian,
Thanks for stopping by! When I deliberately started to see rejection differently it changed everything. Imagine if this was taught to all pre-teens. Sure would help them out and make them more confident adults!

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Peggy June 5, 2014 at 2:36 pm

We must be on the same writing wave length Tess! I’m so over the fear of rejection – having been rejected I realized that the earth still maintains it’s wobbly orbit, gravity remains in place, and I didn’t slide off the edge of the Universe. Not everyone is going to like me and I’m so okay with that! xxoo
Peggy´s last post…Vanquish Your Fear Once and For All

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Wendy June 5, 2014 at 6:31 pm

Did you see Jia Jiang’s talk? He spoke at WDS last year and started the 100 Days of Rejection project, which highlights your “seek our rejection” heading. It is a great talk if you haven’t seen it.

http://www.fearbuster.com/

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Stacey June 6, 2014 at 10:14 am

Love this! Seeing rejection as an opportunity is something I should remember…I think I’ll add this as one of my personal mantras next time I come across coaching resistance, both personally and professionally! Love the other tips too…who wouldn’t want to live a bold life?
Stacey´s last post…Friday’s Food for Focus: Ain’t no shame in the self-care game!

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Melissa June 6, 2014 at 11:04 am

I think this is one of my favorite posts! The advice you give is so spot on and inspiring Tess. Using rejection as an opportunity to grow is so great. Love it!

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