The Bold Life

This is a guest post from Halina Goldstein.

I have spent much of my life struggling with loneliness. Eventually, it led me to an inner transformation and from there into a state of peace and contentment, alone. And then I met my soulmate. 

We both believed our marriage would last until death would us part. And death did — it has to, sooner or later. Sometimes death is physical. In this case it was not — and yet it felt like it. It was a death–like divorce. 

And so once again I found myself alone, grieving my lost happiness as much as fearing the return of loneliness. It was the fear that led me to a bold determination: I would not allow myself to suffer again; I would do whatever it took to get ahold of my life, the sooner the better.

I planned to unpack, to do stuff, to go to work, to connect with friends, to learn new things on the Internet … But life had other plans for me. 

On the very first day of this new, unwanted life alone I got sick with a high fever and was coughing, choking and tired beyond description. Unpacking was not an option, and neither was talking. I called my friends anyhow, but by some strange magic no one would answer. I turned on the TV just to keep my mind occupied, but there was no signal. Same thing with the computer. No matter what I tried, nothing worked. There was no escape.

I felt like a castaway. And yet it was exactly this state of utter isolation that helped me heal and find my way back to joy. That’s why I want to share this experience with you.

The thing is that whether we are being kicked out of our sense of belonging and safety overnight or over years, by physical death or by other forms of separation, our reaction is the same: 

We respond with fear 

Now, in many situations, fear is an amazingly helpful state. It triggers our survival instinct. It helps us deal with a potentially dangerous situation and prevents us from losing our life. 

When we’re struck by a personal loss, the resulting fear and stress help us take care of the most necessary practical and physical arrangements and create some sort of basic existence. 

But what about emotional survival? 

How are you supposed to handle that? Be bold? “Feel the fear and do it anyway?” 

In most cases, that’s a great approach. But then, what can you do about the fact that who you experienced as the love of your life is gone? You can do nothing. 

But you can still be bold. Just not the usual kind of bold.

An existential loss calls for a different kind of boldness 

Let me explain: 

Figuratively speaking, when life made me an emotional castaway, rather than letting me play a heroine and move on with my life as fast as possible, it took me to a sort of inner Avalon. 

According to medieval legends, Avalon was a mythical, magical island to which the fatally wounded King Arthur was carried to recover from his injuries. Avalon was reigned by , a powerful sorceress and healer. 

So what this wise, old legend tells us is that when a hero (male or female) is wounded, further heroism is of no use. Instead, the hero must withdraw and take all the time necessary to heal. 

Obviously, you cannot withdraw from life forever. And you don’t have to. But you can and have to create your Avalon, your place of healing, rest and transformation.  

What does it mean in more practical terms, then? 

How do you create your inner Avalon? 

Avalon is all about allowing (as opposed to resisting, which is where most pain comes from). 

• Allow yourself to withdraw. Take time to just be, see and feel what emerges. 

• Allow yourself to grieve in whatever way is right for you. Some people (including some family members, friends and colleagues) might react to your grief with fear and will therefore urge you to move on with your life. But rushing it is not going to help. Allow grief to work and heal you in its own way and time.

• Allow yourself to receive the rest and the nourishment that you need: physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

• Allow yourself to live. Breathe. Move. Be yourself.

• Allow yourself to enjoy the signs of life within you and around you. Feel the gentle touch of wind on your face. Watch children play in the park nearby. See how nature is changing all the time.

• Allow yourself to see love. The universal kind of love is always there. It can never die, and it is here for you. Learn to see it. 
  

“Only people who are capable of loving strongly can also suffer great sorrow, but this same necessity of loving serves to counteract their grief and heals them.” Leo Tolstoy

About Halina Goldstein

Halina Goldstein is a mentor, teacher and writer supporting widows around the world on their way from grief to growth and joy. Halina’s gift for readers of The Bold Life is the Guide to Peaceful Evenings, with three concrete ways to create your inner Avalon.  

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On some level, we believe that if we could predict the future, we’d be happier. If we could stay in our comfort zone, we’d remain safe. If we didn’t have to experience change, our lives would be easier. 

Personally, I find comfort zones monotonous and enjoy the feelings that anticipation and uncertainty brings. These feelings keep me working through my fear.

The scariest and most difficult times in my life have helped me feel strong, resilient and alive. These times have helped shaped a better me. 

The same is most likely true about you. Yet too often, we continue to hold back. 

One way to get through fear is to have a better understanding of it. 

Almost always, our fear is caused by the way we think about things. If we want to work through our fear, it’s imperative that we learn how to think differently about it. 

The following facts and solutions will hep you work through your fear. 

1. Fear is about the future. 

With the media bombarding us with messages of violence, destruction, power and negativity, it’s easy to live in a constant state of fear. 

Humans have a negativity bias. Our brains pay more attention to the negative situations, experiences and information in life than the positive. 

It’s easy to imagine a future of gloom and doom rather than a positive and happy one. 

Solution: Turn off the negative media. Drop all thoughts and talk of doomsday. Replace your scary stories about the future with ones of positivity, beauty and love. 

What if you really believed that the best is yet to come? Choose to anticipate and create an awesome future. 

2. Fear is about loss. 

Fear is about future loss. We fear change. We fear the end of things. We fear that someone we love will leave us or die. We fear losing a job, income or the pleasures we’ve come to enjoy. We fear losing our health, comfort and control. We fear we’ll be rejected. We fear dying alone. 

Solution: Change is inevitable; embrace it. Alan Watts said, “The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it and join the dance.” Live in the present moment. Let go of the things that you think you need. 

Fear challenges us to dare to go deeper and grow. 

In order to get where you want to go, you must act, speak up, take risks and do the very thing that you fear the most. 

You are worthy of love, your dream and the best that life has to offer. Do the unthinkable. Try the unbelievable. Stretch and grow into someone that you’d love to know.

3. Fear is an illusion. If you have your basic needs met, it’s unlikely that your fear is grounded in reality. 

Explore your fear. Bring it into the light. Peel back the layers. Name it. Interact with it. Look at it from a distance. Look beyond the smoke and mirrors. 

When you can walk through your fears, you become unstoppable. You can create a life of passion, meaning and service. The world becomes a better place. 

Solution: Get comfortable being uncomfortable. Remind yourself that your fears are simply thoughts about the unknown. Become aware of your surroundings and remind yourself that in the present moment you are safe. Breathe and keep moving forward.

4. Fear calls you to live life to the fullest. Fear will call you to use your gifts and talents. If you don’t answer the call you’ll feel empty and miserable. If you dare to move into the unknown, you’ll be uncertain but alive. 

When you live on the edge, anxiety is normal. The best things worth having and doing are frightening. Do them anyway. Endless possibilities await those brave enough to follow their heart.

Solution: Become aware, clear, engaged and focused. Take action in spite of your fear. Live out loud. Play full out and enjoy the process. 

Imagine the life that awaits you when you can embrace your fear, stand in the center of your dream and breathe life into it. That’s the life I want for you! And it’s available whenever you are!

If you need help, support and guidance to work through your fear…

Join us for 30 Days of Bold and Rock Your World!

30 Days of Bold offers you the opportunity, the tools, and the plan for you to believe in yourself, discover your innate courage, follow through with your desires and live a bold life!

If you are:

Hanging on by a thread

Tired of feeling incapable

Unworthy and insecure

Sick of being stuck in jobs, relationships and routines

Doubting, missing out and holding back 

I have created this course because I want to offer you the help and support you lack, the expertise you're unable to find and a supportive community to embrace and help you grow. 

  You can eliminate the baggage and blocks that hold you back.

  You can be wildly creative and amazingly brave.

  You can fill your life with  love, passion and meaning.

  You can believe in yourself and design the life you want.

  You can learn how to be confident and stand in your strength.

   You can speak your truth and feel great about your self!

This is your opportunity to become bold in the face of your fears and finally learn to:

The Course is Happening July 1st for 30 Bold Days. You'll be able to begin where  you are and go at your own pace.

Who is this course for? You. Yes. You.

This Is What You're GETTING In 30 Days of Bold…
Every Monday you’ll receive directions in your inbox, with tools and techniques for rolling with comparison, rejection, attachment, grasping, desperation, jealousy, struggling, straining, demanding, and plotting. All those egotistical ways we self-sabotage.

30 Bold Days of genuine community and connection, guidance and inspiration and resources to kick start your bold and courageous life. Learn how to remove self-imposed barriers, avoid potholes and pitfalls, make fearless choices and flex your get-up-and-go muscles.

Access to the password protected, members only page, at The Bold Life, where you have access to everything. You can come back as often as you like. Lifetime access!

A Series of Personal Heartfelt Videos by "The Fearless People,” who share their stories on how they overcame their biggest fear and tips on how you can do the same.

A Series of Video Interviews by myself, and other trailblazers who went from fearful to fearless. We  will inspire you and encourage you to move forward.

4 LIVE group-coaching Calls where I will offer guidance and answer questions.

Access to a private, life long, Facebook group, a place in which to thrive, receive ongoing positive support, discussions and for reporting brave moves.

My stories/guidance/wisdom Each week I share personal stories of difficult times, how I overcame them and achieved success.

Weekly, worksheets, lessons, activities, and encouragement for strengthening your courage muscles with small acts of bravery that will you lead to giant leaps.

Over $100 worth of Wonderful Goodies from my friends, who want to share their love and boldness, cheer you on, and contribute to your success.

Access to myself, via the private, Facebook group, where I comment and connect for throughout the 30 Days.

Fear is the hidden, powerful factor that stops us from finding simplicity, happiness, pursuing our passions. Tess has created a tool to help you dig up the hidden fears and finally conquer them. You'll be liberated and empowered, and finally at peace. ~ Leo Babauta, Zen Habits

The regular price of $149 will be reinstated on June 24! Sign up today.

30 Days to Bold: The week by week breakdown

Week 1: Bold: An Attitude, Belief, and Lifestyle  We begin where we are and go at our own pace. We’ll discover how to think, speak, act with courage in order to do the things we have delayed for so long. We’ll learn how to change our story, let go of limits, calm ourselves and transform our negative sense of self.  It's time to eliminate barriers, stay inspired and be unstoppable as we mold our lives like we desire.

Week 2:  Face Your Fears and Change Your Life   We’ll use the tools, guidance and wisdom needed to transform fear and doubt into powerful allies and messengers that lead to greater confidence, self-worth and deliberate action.  In a safe environment, anything is possible.

Week 3: Create Your Vision, Map Your Strategy, Take Action Plan  Our vision is a reminder of our long term benefits.  We’ll plan the steps and activities that will lead us from impossible to possible and from fearful to fearless. Finally we’ll create an action plan that will help move us forward in any area of our life. We’ll gain the skills needed to never feel powerless again. 

Week 4: The Guts to Be Extraordinary. Claim Your Power, Magic, & Genius We’ll cover how to control our response to the fears that we’ll inevitably come up against as we push the boundaries of our horizons. We’ll learn how to turn our fears into strengths as we persist in the creation of our reality. We embrace our abundance and create more love, trust, and satisfaction in life. We won't get somewhere new. We become someone new. The only thing left to do is to soar!

Days 29 & 30 Review and Wrap Up and Celebration  We strengthen our inner clarity and commitment as we become witnesses to our success. We honor ourselves with appreciation, commemoration, and gratitude. We are impressed by the gap between who we used to be and who we are now.

Connect. Share. Receive a Ton of Roll-Up-Your-Sleeves Support

30 Days of Bold – Early Registration – Now Open!

Come join us. Commit to pushing through to the other side. Remember you have what it takes. 

You are not alone! All that is right, bright, and true will support you. 


Sign up early and receive "Take Your Fear and Shove It," for FREE. 

The regular price of $149 will return June 24th!

I look forward to helping you create a new bold life! We're going to do great things. Tess xo

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Are you ready to commit to your dreams?

You can go beyond what you think is possible! The time is now to increase your confidence and blaze a new trail. If you are ready to do great things then book your free 20-minute consult with me and let’s talk about your personal plan for greatness! Click on my coaching page.