How to Feel More Love and Less Fear: 7 Tips for Deeper Connection

holding hands

The one thing that every human being has in common is that we all want to be loved. Some may not know this and others may deny this but it’s the truth.

There are only two emotions, love and fear. If you know this and believe this, you’d think it would be easy to choose love over fear.

But it’s not.

We’ve been told since childhood not to trust strangers and that some people are bad or not equal to others. Teachers often support our parents' beliefs.

We also live in a culture of fear. We are taught to be afraid of crime, kidnapping, minorities, ex-inmates, germs, terrorism and drugs. Society is manipulated by fear tactics. Fear sells and people and organizations profit from it.

In The Culture of Fear, sociologist Barry Glassner demonstrates that it is our perception of danger that has increased, not the actual level of risk.

If we are going to learn to consistently choose love over fear we have to stop listening to the negative media. We need to remember that we are intelligent people who can think for ourselves. We don’t have to follow the herd.

Fear keeps us disconnected, isolated and confused. Fear keeps us stuck in debt, addiction and scarcity-thinking. Fear keeps us in the future. Fear breeds more fear.

We don’t have to live in fear. It’s a choice.

I choose love. Love keeps us united, connected and content. Love allows us to feel seen, heard and secure. Love promotes service and collaboration.

I was blessed in my late twenties to find teachers, mentors and friends who showed me the path to love. Over the years this knowledge has allowed me to grow deeper in love with myself, life and the rest of the world.

If you would like to feel more love and less fear, you may find these tips helpful:

1. Open your mind and heart. Be open to a new way. Letting go of deep-rooted fear isn’t easy. It takes practice. Listen more and judge less. Initiate conversations and friendships with people who are different from you. Give others the benefit of the doubt.  Expect others to be kind and loving. Drop your preconceived notions.

2. Turn on your love faucet. Be kind. Train yourself to think and speak lovingly. Look for people who need your help. Be generous. Be of service. Those who have more must give more. Set the example. Go the extra mile.

3. Change your beliefs. Write down what you believe about crime, drugs, different countries, other races, poverty, etc. Choose to change your negative beliefs. Believe in the good in the world and in others. Look for proof to back up your new-found beliefs.

4. Keep a journal. At the end of the day, write down the love you experienced. Write down the kindness you witnessed. Write down the love you’ve seen expressed. What you focus on expands. When you look for love, you’ll find it.

5. Give the love you want to experience. Be the first to offer to help. Hold the door open for strangers. Look people in the eye and be the first to say hello. Love is a verb. Take action.

6. Appreciate the ones you’re with. Focus on others' strengths. Refuse to criticize. Be the first person to declare and demonstrate your love to your friends and family members.  Don’t ever hold back or withdraw your love. Be grateful for all the people in the world who love you.

7. Love yourself. Begin today. Speak well of yourself. Praise yourself. Celebrate yourself. Be willing to put yourself first. If it’s true that we can’t love anyone until we love ourselves, no wonder there’s a dearth of love being expressed in the world. Meet your own needs. Make it your no. 1 priority.

There is no reason to feel alone and unloved. There is no excuse not to be more loving. Make your choice for love today. Take a stand. Give love. Express love. Be love, loving. A whole new world awaits you.

{ 11 comments… add one }

  • Steve Rice September 1, 2013, 9:54 pm

    Love the point u shared about the perception of risk being greater not the actual level of risk. I had never consciously considered this before. It’s a great reminder to me to be deliberate about where I put my focus. I choose love.

    Reply
    • Tess The Bold Life September 4, 2013, 5:29 am

      Steve,
      That story we tell ourselves about risk will get us every time. Thanks for your support!

      Reply
  • Fran Sorin September 2, 2013, 6:56 am

    Tess –
    Love the term ‘turn on your love faucet’. I’ve never heard of it before. A strategy I use when I walk out the door each day is to take a minute to feel love for all human beings- when I’m walking down the street, I am mindful of my intent and work at sending that energy out into the world. xxoo

    Reply
    • Tess The Bold Life September 4, 2013, 5:33 am

      Fran,
      Every once in a while I get find a kink in the hose!!! LOL
      I don’t doubt one bit that your faucet is on. I love the idea of walking out the door and blessing the world with love.

      Reply
  • Cathy Taughinbaugh September 2, 2013, 8:46 pm

    Beautiful post Tess. “When everything else is gone, what we have left is love!” I love your words to “Turn on your love faucet.” I take an extra minute these days to say I love you to my husband and kids as often as I can. It helps create that mind shift.

    Reply
    • Tess The Bold Life September 4, 2013, 5:35 am

      Cathy,

      We can’t say ‘I love you’ enough to those we love can we? What a lovely family you have. Your love for them shines bright.

      Reply
  • Ron September 3, 2013, 7:02 am

    What I’ve noticed is fear sells and that is what makes it so popular. Get people afraid of something and you can sell them goods and services – it is the age old “problem – reaction – provide the solution” technique that businesses and governments have used for centuries to sell a bill of goods.

    So what happens is media and advertising peddle fear far more than than they display love. Gives a slanted view of the world that puts many people into perpetual fear

    Reply
  • Fran Sorin September 3, 2013, 9:43 pm

    Tess-
    You consistently offer a platter full of wonderful – ‘yummy’ strategies- that compels your readers to feel like they ‘can try’ a few of them.

    For me- the phrase ‘turn on your love faucet’ – left me with a ‘yes, yes, yes!’. Although I do work on it constantly, there is PLENTY of room for improvement. Now I have the visual to help prompt me. Thank you ~

    Reply
  • Pamela November 20, 2013, 10:20 am

    Love the part about appreciating the people you’re with. It’s easier when you are surrounded by people you naturally enjoy, but we all have times and situations that put us with people we are not inclined towards. It is here that we can actually do a great deal of good in our own lives and mental spaces if we can step away from the annoyances, and find something we do appreciate. Ideally, we can minimize such encounters, but in the mean time, we can make things more pleasant and perhaps we may realize they aren’t so bad after all.

    Reply
    • Tess November 20, 2013, 10:24 am

      Amen Pamela! I’m so with you on this. Thanks so much for taking the time to share your thoughts.

      Reply
  • Michelle February 14, 2014, 10:19 am

    LOVE this post! :-) Happy Valentine’s Day, my friend!

    Reply

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Your Fearless Life: Making It Happen
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Welcome! I'm Tess Marshall and I’m Passionate about supporting people who want to lead a fearless and bold life.
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