Comments on: 11 Tips to Stop Your Approval Addiction

By: Rayme Torain

Rayme Torain — Thu, 30 May 2013 17:11:07 +0000

Thanks for this article! I’ve been dealing with this all of my life with family members.
Your advice is so liberating!

By: Kavitha

Kavitha — Thu, 23 May 2013 20:19:20 +0000

In am so glad I came across your blog and this article. ” It’s time to be exactly who you choose to be. That’s freedom! ” this is what I have been telling myself but never put into action. Now I am going to be BOLD and take the first steps to live life way. Will update you. TIA.

By: Elle

Elle — Fri, 19 Apr 2013 17:29:23 +0000

I think Lao Tzu’s quote has a great point. We have got to stop trying to validate ourselves through others’ approval.

I am glad you have come to the terms that there will be some family members who will never accept you.

Similarly, I had to learn and understand that I would not be able to please family members all my life. I had to do what made me happy, and not get pressured into fulfilling their dreams.

This is why I loved #2 on your list. We need to remember that opinions are just opinions!

By: Al

Al — Wed, 17 Apr 2013 19:44:44 +0000

I’m 30 right now and I’m just starting to live without considering *too much* what others think of me or what I look like. I think this is what they call “starting to live”.

“Desire for approval and recognition is a healthy motive, but the desire to be acknowledged as better, stronger or more intelligent than a fellow being or fellow scholar easily leads to an excessively egoistic psychological adjustment.”
Albert Einstein

“Do not look for approval except for the consciousness of doing your best.”
Andrew Carnegie

By: Debbie

Debbie — Mon, 01 Apr 2013 19:13:22 +0000

Great list. I go with all of them as important, but this one 7. Find your tribe. Don’t take rejection and abandonment personally. Walk away from the people who don’t want the best for you. Have zero tolerance for those who don’t see your magnificence. Seek out like-minded family and friends. I really like
As you say not everyone is going to like you,we have to learn to walk away, because there is enough people on this planet that you find do like and love you just the way your are.
Thanks Tess for reminding us that we are OK just they way we are.
Debbie XX

By: Joan Harrison

Joan Harrison — Sun, 31 Mar 2013 17:27:30 +0000

I don’t want to sound technical, but there is no other way I can describe what I know to be true. As kids we develop what in Transactional Analysis terms is called ‘driver behaviour’. The ‘drivers’ are ‘Please People’, ‘Hurry Up’ ‘Try Hard’ ‘Be Strong’ & ‘Be Perfect’. I lived my life trying to Please People and to Be Perfect, which made things much more difficult than they needed to be. Once I studied therapy I was able to recognize these ‘drivers’ and use them to my advantage, rather than let them have control of me. Phew! the relief once you understand what is happening is palpable. So I would add to your list ‘Understand What Makes You Tick!’

By: Jo Casey

Jo Casey — Sat, 30 Mar 2013 17:53:22 +0000

Being Kind to yourself is something that’s always a work in progress for me. It’s not my default position – self blame, overly high standards are my specialties So learning to be compassionate with myself, being vigilant with my thoughts and going deep to really notice if my actions are in my best interest or not.

By: Anne-Sophie

Anne-Sophie — Fri, 29 Mar 2013 22:09:52 +0000

Tess, I just love number 2: an opinion is just a story. In a way, we’re diminishing our own worth by believing that someone else’s opinion is more valuable than the one we have. We don’t believe we’re enough, worthy and OK the way we are and so we depend on others to give us the permission to be someone only we ourselves can decided to be. Not letting the stories of other people get in the way of stepping into the real you is an essential lesson and challenge in life – but if you master it, you’ll be more confident, happy and fulfilled. I still have a long way to go as I do want the approval of everyone – all the time. But every day, I take one essential step toward a valuing myself enough to believe in me and to know that this is all I need. I alone am whole and have everything I need to take on the world.

By: Galen Pearl

Galen Pearl — Thu, 28 Mar 2013 21:02:49 +0000

I especially love #2 and #11. I will use these both this afternoon while I have to spend some time with someone who does not like me very much. I have to remind myself that his opinion is his story and has little to do with me. It’s still hard to be around it sometimes which is why the last point is so great. Thanks for the pep talk just at the right time.

By: Tess

Tess — Thu, 28 Mar 2013 13:20:25 +0000

Sue,

Congratulation on all things bold! Thanks for your support. Have a lovely weekend.