Fear: What Bold People Know


“To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.” ~Unknown

Everyone is afraid. There are two kinds of fear, one that protects us from danger and the other is self-created and keeps us from your dreams.

We share common fears.

We feel we could be wrong and insist on being right.

We feel inadequate and fail to do what we love.

We feel unworthy and keep others at a distance.

We fear the future and stay stuck in the past.

We fear who we are and we fear who we can become.

If you feel dismay, uneasy or depressed you are afraid.

These fears are self-made. They keep us stuck, paralyzed, and anxious. They cause us to live in the pain of the past or the fear of the future.

To live fearlessly doesn't mean you live without it. To live fearlessly means that you take the action needed to dissolve your fear and participate fully in life.

What do you need to do in order to get what you don't have?
Bold people know what to do with their fears.

The following steps will help you create fearless times and a happy future.

Examine your thoughts. Identify your irrational thoughts of chaos and pain. These thoughts turn into stories and perpetuate your fears. Use your power to create and believe in positive thoughts and stories. It can be that simple.

Surrender the outcome. It’s easier to take action when you are willing to let go of the outcome. So what if it doesn’t work out. So what if you fall flat on your face. So what if you fail. Make up your mind to take the first step, no matter what happens. Then take another step and another.

Sit with fear. Sit in silence and allow your fear to surface. Identify what you’re afraid of and notice how your body responds. Begin to breathe through your fear. Deeply from your abdomen, breathe in for seven counts and pause. Let go by breathing out slowly for seven counts. Notice how your body responds to your breathing.

Replace fear with self-love. When you feel fearful, reassure yourself by repeating silently, “I am OK. I can do this. I will get through it no matter what." Accept what you are experiencing. Comfort yourself. Drop your judgment and self-rejection. Open your heart and be gentle with yourself.

Meditate. Sit comfortably in a chair with your feet on the ground, and your spine straight. Place your hands in your lap. Take a deep breathe in and release it. Focus on your breathe. Be with the feeling of fear and everything it brings up. Accept it. Allow it. You don’t need to solve anything. Simply breathe through it and release it.

Let go of the past. Forgive yourself for you previous errors or mistakes. Nobody succeeds at everything they do. When you know better, you do better. Every failure is a step closer to success.

Let go of looking stupid or feeling silly. Put aside what people think of you. Put aside the fact that you might look or feel stupid. Are you going to let that stop you? Professional speakers are taught to keep going when they make a mistake, 95% of the audience never notice.

Accept change. Good and bad, unexpected events happen in our lives every day. Choose to look at change as a gift. Accept it. Learn from it. Be open for the purpose it serves. Learn to go with the flow. Learn to be grateful for change.

Focus on what you want. Spend your time wisely. Learn to say no to what takes you away from your dreams. Keep your eye on the prize. Don't give your valuable time to others. 

Try new things. Be open to experiencing new things. Do what you’ve never done before. Be the first one to say, “I’ll go first. That’s for me.”
Life is like a banquet. Pull up your chair and participate.

Have positive expectations. Expect things to work out great. Expect things to go your way. Expect help from others. Expect the universe to support you. Expect others to say, “yes.”

Seek support. Bold people seek support from mentors, teachers, coaches, family and friends. Talk to somebody that supports you. Pay it forward when you have the opportunity to help others. 

What is your biggest fear? How can you move through it?

{ 15 comments… add one }

  • Joe Wilner October 31, 2011, 9:01 am

    Tess,

    These are all wonderful ways to live more boldly. I really connect with letting go of the outcome or not trying to always be in control. This has been difficult for me, as I’m comforted by feeling a sense of control. However when I let go of total control, it opens me up to really embrace and experience fear for what it is. I lose much of the fear simply by accepting uncertainty and staying in the moment. It’s funny that the more I cling to control the more fear and anxiety emerges.

    Reply
    • Tess October 31, 2011, 3:36 pm

      Hi Joe,

      Control is an illusion. You’re wise to recognize that go with the flow. Some people live a life time and fail to notice. Thanks for sharing.

      Reply
  • Cathy | Treatment Talk October 31, 2011, 8:32 pm

    Hi Tess,

    Love the topic. Your step about having positive expectations resonated with me. We can let the fear of self criticism and the judgement of others hold us back. A bold or strong person enjoys many good feelings and puts their focus on the positive, rather than the negative experiences. Personally I’ve always felt that everything will be OK in my life, and for the most part, it has. Like everyone, I’ve had my bumps in the road, but I have much to be grateful for and have had an interesting and fun life so far. Challenge makes us strong and helps us through our fear.

    Reply
    • Tess November 4, 2011, 6:14 am

      Cathy,
      I totally agree and 99% of my life has been fantastic. I have nothing to complain about. Why wouldn’t we expect only positive things to happen. Anything else sounds crazy and out of sync with what I want.

      Reply
  • Michele November 1, 2011, 8:14 pm

    What a powerful post! Thank you for sharing it-I love the quote at the beginning!

    Reply
    • Tess November 4, 2011, 6:16 am

      Michelle,
      I love quotes as well. I’m happy to share with you anytime!

      Reply
  • Jen {The Wholehearted Life} November 2, 2011, 6:53 am

    Tess ~ I can’t even begin to describe just how much I needed to read this. I’ve been struggling with self-made fear for MONTHS which is so unusual for me…it’s really taken me off guard. I’m one people look to for inspiration to live boldly and fearlessly and make the most out of life but right now, I feel trapped within the confines of my mind. I left my corporate job in May to do my own thing and I just haven’t been able to find my groove…but I also don’t feel I’m really trying that hard….because I’m afraid….for all the reasons you mentioned. I’m going to spend some time with your post today and just really try very hard to start removing the obstacles only I am putting in front of me. Gah – it makes my tummy hurt just thinking about it but I have to. I’m not used to being fearful :(.

    Thanks, Tess!

    Reply
  • sheila November 3, 2011, 3:46 am

    Hmmmm I’ll have to think about my fears. Since I began my journey a few years ago, I don’t know if I can say I have legit “fears” anymore like I used too. I do (now) practice letting go and the “I’m OK” thing and that does the trick for me. So I’m not exactly sure if I have genuine “fears” anymore. Hmmmm, that even surprises me when I say it, lol.

    Reply
    • Tess November 4, 2011, 6:21 am

      Shelia,
      Sounds to me like you’re doing fantastic. Or the opposite could be true…are you playing it safe. I love using my fear to motivate me to step out of my comfort zone!

      Reply
  • Marci | Liberating Choices November 4, 2011, 1:15 pm

    At some point in moving in spite of fear, I have to make a choice to not focus on the fear so much. If I can focus on the positives in my life more than the fear, then I keep moving with less weight/burden. To realize I have this choice is lightening, but to make the choice is amazing.

    Reply
  • David Stevens November 4, 2011, 2:00 pm

    Hi Tess,
    I find that letting go of past events and focussing on what you want Now & into your immediate future creates an emotion more powerful than ‘fear’. If one’s focus is strong enough, ‘fear’ can be pushed aside. Mind you, I haven’t got this perfect, cracks appear occasionally however returning to ‘focus’ certainly helps. Thank you.
    be good to yourself
    David

    Reply
  • tesa macapil November 4, 2011, 4:44 pm

    This is really a nice post Tess, I have this fear of inadequacy. I was planning to make a blog about stay at home moms who are being labeled as “just an ordinary mom”. I want to boost their morale that they too can make a living even with in the confines of their home. I have already prepared home business to be shown but launching my site makes it more fearful to me. Your post just just give me the push. Thank you very much mam. always be a blessing to other people.

    Reply
  • Betsy at Zen Mama November 5, 2011, 1:51 pm

    Tess,
    Isn’t that the truth about two kinds of fear! You just need to realize which is the one to really be fearful of! Love your ideas about how to let go of that fear, esp. accepting change. I always feel better after reading your posts!
    Thanks!!

    Reply
  • Ellie Di November 8, 2011, 8:06 am

    Love. This. Fear is such a powerful motivator (and de-motivator); it lies at the root of so many of our problems. These suggestions are strong medicine against its poison.

    Reply
  • Tess November 4, 2011, 6:21 am

    Nick,
    Love the Emerson quote. Thanks for sharing!

    Reply

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Your Fearless Life: Making It Happen
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Welcome! I'm Tess Marshall and I’m Passionate about supporting people who want to lead a fearless and bold life.
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