The Three Step Happiness Formula

Our guest today is Andrea DeBell. She is the author of Britetalk, a self-empowerment blog and a place for sharing how to live a happy, positive, passionate, peaceful life. Andrea is a happiness expert, bliss consultant, blogger enthusiast, spiritual geek, personal growth fanatic, and lover of all things bright. 

The Three Step Happiness Formula

Happiness seems to be something that eludes most of us throughout the day. Even if we start the day in a very happy mode, we often get caught up in the busyness of the day and forget how to sustain the initial happiness.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. Happiness is much simpler than most of us realize. There is a simple formula I like to use to keep the happy juices flowing.

“If what you do, what you say and what you think are in harmony, you will be happy”. – M. Gandhi

Three simple steps to sustained happiness

Happiness is mostly associated with what we do, say, and think.  Therefore, our happiness is totally under our control.  It’s up to us to choose how we feel throughout the day, regardless of what life throws at us.

Take a look at this straightforward method to maintain your happiness.

1.       Be aware of what you do

What you do during the day directly affects your happiness.  When every action is in accordance with our values, we feel fulfilled by our deeds.

Each moment we have the opportunity to act in a way that either brings us happiness or distances us from our happiness.  Our circumstances in life are not necessarily related to our happiness.  But how we act based on the circumstances we are given is the key to our happiness.

For example, let’s say you don’t like your job.  You can choose to be unhappy during the day because you have to go to a job that you don’t care for. Or, a better alternative might be to choose to act lovingly towards your co-workers, to be grateful for having a job, and to help others throughout the day.  The second alternative will surely add joy to your day.

2.       Be aware of what you say

Words can be a powerful component in creating a positive and happy reality for ourselves.  When we use kind, positive, and peaceful language, we transmit happiness.

What we say to others represents our view of the world.  Regardless of what is said to you, pay attention to the words you choose to use when responding to others.  Start using positive words (or “happy language”) and notice how others react in a more loving way towards you.

This new mode of communication fosters a happy environment for yourself and everyone that you interact with.

3.       Be aware of what you think

What we think about ourselves is crucial.  A huge part of our unhappy feelings are related to a lack of self-love.  Most often we hold unkind thoughts about ourselves and others.

When you start paying attention to your thoughts, you might notice that the first thought that comes to your mind when you look at someone is often a judgment.  When we think hurtful and judgmental thoughts about ourselves and others, we immediately enter the unhappy zone.

Awareness of what we think about others and ourselves is the first step to changing our thoughts.  The next step is to align our thoughts with the happiness we’d like to see in our lives. 

Positive and loving thoughts blossom into a positive and happy life.

Keep the happiness coming

For this method to work, it’s important to incorporate all three points simultaneously.  Even though each point by itself is very important, the power lies in combining all three.

When what you do, say, and think is positive and harmonious, the happiness you envisioned for yourself increasingly fills your life.  With just these few adjustments to your normal routine, you can start living a happy life every day. 

Your turn:

How conscious are you during the day of how you are acting towards yourself and others? Are you usually aware of your thoughts and your words?  Do you consciously create happiness in your life?

Andrea is originally from Brazil but now lives in California with her wonderful husband and awesome kids. Follow Andrea on Twitter and Facebook

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Karl Staib - Work Happy Now October 18, 2010, 8:27 am

    Awareness is a huge part of happiness. The more that I practice staying in the moment the easier it is to extract positive results and relationships.

    I started my blog because my career felt empty until I began to focus on my personal growth while working. I wanted to teach other people the lessons that I learned.

    People like to blame external things because it’s emotionally easier, but when they open up to their awareness, they begin to realize all the beauty and growth that they were missing.

    • Andrea - britetalk October 19, 2010, 4:34 pm

      Hi Karl! I totally agree with you. Placing blame on external things doesn’t help at all. It shifts the focus to outside of ourselves instead of allowing us to work on what is really causing unpeace inside of us.
      Thanks for starting the conversation! Loving blessings!
      .-= Andrea – britetalk´s last post…The Secret to Kick Ass Motivation =-.

  • Suzie Cheel October 18, 2010, 2:55 pm

    I love this, thanks Tess for introducing me to Andrea. being Habitually Happy is one of my recent ways to being.
    As Andrea says being/feeling happy is simpler than we think. It is a choice we can make, waking up with a smile in your heart , in your gut and on your face thats how i make happiness a daily way to be.

    love and happiness
    Suzie
    .-= Suzie Cheel´s last post…Do You Know Which Way You Are Going =-.

    • Andrea DeBell - britetalk October 19, 2010, 4:48 pm

      Hi Suzie! I’m glad you are Habitually Happy. What a wonderful state to be in. 🙂 Thanks for giving us your tip on how you approach happiness on a daily basis. A smile is always welcome! Loving blessings!
      .-= Andrea DeBell – britetalk´s last post…The Secret to Kick Ass Motivation =-.

  • Simon Hay October 18, 2010, 3:42 pm

    Hi Andrea, I agree with Karl, being happy is all about self-awareness. I correct the way that I think all the time, and attempt to create new habits. I’m a work in progress, which is cool and funny. Nice to meet you. Thanks Tess.

    Tess, that mark isn’t spilt coffee, those are tears. I’ll put your photo in my wallet so it feels like you will be there.
    .-= Simon Hay ´s last post…A Guest Post on Evolving Beings &amp Other Stuff =-.

    • Andrea DeBell - britetalk October 19, 2010, 5:33 pm

      Hi Simon! Nice to meet you too. I’m also a work in progress. 🙂 I’m often amazed by the thoughts that still float around in my mind. As I notice these thoughts I realize the beliefs I hold and what I need to release. It’s a great practice.
      Thanks for your wonderful comment. Loving blessings!
      .-= Andrea DeBell – britetalk´s last post…The Secret to Kick Ass Motivation =-.

  • Jacqueline Johns - Your Happy Life Mentor October 18, 2010, 4:02 pm

    Great post!

    I love the way you have taken a famous quote and put a practical spin on it so we can all use it in our everyday lives.
    When you think about it, the quote is really about being authentic, and I love that you have broken it down into steps we can all follow. Go girl!

    Live Life Happy!
    .-= Jacqueline Johns – Your Happy Life Mentor´s last post…Happy Events =-.

    • Andrea DeBell - britetalk October 19, 2010, 5:38 pm

      Hi Jacqueline! Yes, I used the quote to fit my view of the world for this particular subject but it can be reinterpreted in many diferent directions. . 🙂 I’m glad you found the steps practical and useful.
      Thanks for your kind words! Loving blessings!
      .-= Andrea DeBell – britetalk´s last post…The Secret to Kick Ass Motivation =-.

  • Dandy October 18, 2010, 4:33 pm

    Oh, this is such a good post. I especially like #3. It is so true that alot of our unhappy feelings have much to do with a lack of self-love. It is so hard for some of us to develop self-love. I’ve been struggling with this all my life & I believe that it is the source for the majority of my unhappiness. I think everything is rooted back to our lack of self-love. Awarness of our thoughts and a commitment to self-love can bring us happiness. Thanks Andrea!

    • Andrea DeBell - britetalk October 19, 2010, 5:43 pm

      Hi Dandy! Nice to see a familiar face! You’re not alone with the self-love issue. The good news is that you’re aware of it and you’re doing something about it instead of swimming in self-loathing. Good for you!
      Thanks for sharing your story with us! Loving blessings!
      .-= Andrea DeBell – britetalk´s last post…The Secret to Kick Ass Motivation =-.

  • Gail Brenner (AFlourishingLife) October 18, 2010, 5:21 pm

    There is so much clarity in this post, Andrea. Happiness really is so simple, isn’t it? We don’t have to be concerned with whether or not we were happy in the past or will be in the future. Your simple steps show us that happiness is available right now and is a choice we can make at any time.

    • Andrea DeBell - britetalk October 19, 2010, 5:48 pm

      Hi sweetie! Great to see you! I like that: “We don’t have to be concerned with whether or not we were happy in the past or will be in the future”. Nice! Happiness is right here, right now based on our choices.

      Thanks for you gentle words! Loving blessings!
      .-= Andrea DeBell – britetalk´s last post…The Secret to Kick Ass Motivation =-.

  • Clearly Composed October 18, 2010, 5:31 pm

    It’s such a simple recipe to brew up that happiness we all look for and yet lives right inside of us. Happiness is both a choice and a result of all our choices. I try to be aware of the random thoughts that might sabotage or work against what I know to be true which is: who I am in this world and how I share that is part of my foundation for joy. Thank you, Tess for featuring one of my new favorite bloggers here today and thanks, Andrea for sharing in such an uplifting way. 🙂
    .-= Clearly Composed´s last post… Shake it Up! =-.

    • Andrea DeBell - britetalk October 19, 2010, 5:55 pm

      Hi Emma! What a joy to hear someone speaking from their heart. You seem to experience a wonderful growth process. Continue true to yourself and the happiness will continue to pour in.

      Thanks for your bright comment! Loving blessings!
      .-= Andrea DeBell – britetalk´s last post…The Secret to Kick Ass Motivation =-.

  • Alex Blackwell October 18, 2010, 6:14 pm

    Words are a powerful way of creating, or destroying happiness.

    The right words, spoken at just the right time, can have an amazing impact. Words should come with a warning: Handle with care.

    Alex

    • Andrea DeBell - britetalk October 19, 2010, 5:58 pm

      Hey Alex! You made me laugh with your warning for words: “Handle with care.” So true though, we often say way more than we need to and without thinking about it. It’s sometimes useful but moreoften than not it’s harmful.

      Thanks for your clever comment! Loving blessings!
      .-= Andrea DeBell – britetalk´s last post…The Secret to Kick Ass Motivation =-.

  • Christopher Foster October 18, 2010, 6:41 pm

    Thanks Andrea. Let my actions truly reflect my values, and let my values be born of my own authentic spirit, and I won’t have to worry about happiness. Everything I do will nourish happiness in me and offer the sweet fragrance of happiness to others.
    .-= Christopher Foster´s last post…The 7 gifts of a loving universe =-.

    • Andrea DeBell - britetalk October 19, 2010, 6:04 pm

      Hi Christopher! You summarized my post in a splendid way. Beautifully said! I love how you gave a poetic flare to it.

      Thanks for this comment filled with your authentic spirit! Loving blessings!
      .-= Andrea DeBell – britetalk´s last post…The Secret to Kick Ass Motivation =-.

  • Nea | Self Improvement Saga October 18, 2010, 6:43 pm

    You’ve written a wonderful post here, Andrea. I totally agree that awareness is the key to creating happiness in your life. Over the past few years I have indeed been more mindful of every part of my life. I still have work today, but I know that I’m on the right path. It feels great!
    .-= Nea | Self Improvement Saga´s last post…Inspirational Words- Making Choices =-.

    • Andrea DeBell - britetalk October 19, 2010, 6:09 pm

      Hi Nea! Glad to hear from you. Yes, I still work on this daily too. Although,it gets easier and easier to spot the thoughts I need to work on. As long as we have thoughts (which will be forever), awareness will be our ally :).

      Thanks for giving us your perspective on this subject! Loving blessings!
      .-= Andrea DeBell – britetalk´s last post…The Secret to Kick Ass Motivation =-.

  • Patricia October 18, 2010, 7:57 pm

    What a great post and formula to work at adhering to everyday, simply fine!

    I have to work on being very careful what I say in public….at the fabric store the other day I mentioned my current project was for a school that had no small chairs for the kindergarten students so I was making sit upons….and then said they also had no computers…everyone was all ears at the counter and one woman asked me who I as voting for…..for House of Rep. in our district. I thought carefully, and then said the candidate who says they understand schools – not the candidate who thinks we are wasting our money on public education…. I was the center of attention all of a sudden and I knew I started a number of conversations by the folks left in line…and it was pretty nasty…

    Then again, I educated about 12 folks on the phone last week when I was doing other business with them about the importance of voting – the why?

    That made me happy!

    • Andrea DeBell - britetalk October 19, 2010, 6:14 pm

      Hi Patricia! I love your story. It’s a pretty good example of how sometimes we start a conversation without thinking much of it and how it takes us places we had not intended to go to. 🙂 It’s important to do what makes us happy, like you said, even if it’s educating people on the phone.

      Thanks for the reminder. Loving blessings!
      .-= Andrea DeBell – britetalk´s last post…The Secret to Kick Ass Motivation =-.

  • Angela Artemis October 18, 2010, 8:46 pm

    Andrea,
    This was wonderful! I like simplicity, and this was simple and to the point! Be aware of what you do, say and think – terrific! So much of our unhappiness comes from what we think – we never stop and realize all we have to do is stop thinking the thoughts that make us unhappy.
    .-= Angela Artemis´s last post…5 Exercises to Tap Into Your Intuitive Genius =-.

    • Andrea DeBell - britetalk October 19, 2010, 6:19 pm

      Hi Angela! I also like simplicity. I hear people say all the time that life is complicated. I think life is very simple but we like to complicate it. It’s probably because we then have a better story to tell others. 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by and contributing to the conversation! Loving blessings!
      .-= Andrea DeBell – britetalk´s last post…The Secret to Kick Ass Motivation =-.

  • Jk October 18, 2010, 10:57 pm

    Andrea – you’re great! A dear friend recently told me that genius is making something that is complex, simple. You made what was a rather complex matter (to me) simple….Genius! Thank you.

    • Andrea DeBell - britetalk October 19, 2010, 6:21 pm

      Hi buddy! I agree that we unnecessarily complicate things. Mostly I think that we do it unintentionally though. I’m glad that my post was useful to you. 🙂

      Thanks for your lovely comment. Loving blessings!
      .-= Andrea DeBell – britetalk´s last post…The Secret to Kick Ass Motivation =-.

  • Aileen October 18, 2010, 11:22 pm

    Andrea, thank you for sharing your wonderful simple formula. It is fascinating how often people complicate happiness – much like being thirsty when plenty of water is available but perhaps behind us.

    Often when I’m feeling something other than happiness or mild joy/contentment I remind my self of Ester/ Abraham Hicks….my only job is to feel good and move up my emotional scale – often it’s being aware (as you say) of my thoughts and interpretations.

    Such a wonderful post Andrea!

    • Andrea DeBell - britetalk October 19, 2010, 6:27 pm

      Hi Aileen! Yes, exactly like “being thirsty when plenty of water is available” although in this case the water is inside of us. I also love the Abraham-Hicks teachings. I particularly like when they say to use everything that shows up in our life as contrast to what experience we’d like to have. I apply this to my state of happiness as a reminder. That could be a post on itself. 🙂

      Thanks for the inspiration. Loving blessings!
      .-= Andrea DeBell – britetalk´s last post…The Secret to Kick Ass Motivation =-.

  • Lance October 19, 2010, 6:00 am

    Andrea,
    Ahhh…awareness. So, where am I at in all of this? I tend to think I am a pretty happy guy. Here’s the thing, though (and I even noticed this today already…and it’s early!!!). The thoughts I have…while I try to have happy ones (and tend to, I believe) – this is also the area that is easiest for me to slip up in, too.

    So, as I read today – I’m reminded that I really can practice more awareness, especially in my thoughts. (and I’m going to!!) So, Andrea, thank you for this…and for the brightness you shine always!!!
    .-= Lance´s last post…Monsters- Fears- and Moving Forward =-.

    • Andrea DeBell - britetalk October 19, 2010, 7:56 pm

      Hi Lance! We all can use some awareness in our lives, even the bright souls like yourself. 🙂 Keep the happy thoughts coming and you’ll be just fine.

      Thanks for stopping by and saying hi. Loving blessings!
      .-= Andrea DeBell – britetalk´s last post…The Secret to Kick Ass Motivation =-.

  • Alex Yong October 19, 2010, 6:28 am

    You are absolutely right! A friend told me that happiness cannot be found, we have to create it by what we do, say and think.

    I am in sync with Alex Blackwell : Warning – Words : Handle with care!

    Thank you very much, Andrea, for a fascinating lesson.
    .-= Alex Yong´s last post…The Cry For Love =-.

    • Andrea DeBell - britetalk October 19, 2010, 7:59 pm

      Hi Alex! Yes, happiness cannot be found because we already have it. All we need to do is cultivate it with our thoughts, words, and action. I’m in sync with you too!

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us. Loving blessings!
      .-= Andrea DeBell – britetalk´s last post…The Secret to Kick Ass Motivation =-.

  • rob white October 19, 2010, 6:52 am

    I love the simplicity here, Andrea. Like the great zen question; “what are you doing?” … it is all about becoming aware of what we are thinking, doing, feeling right now … with awareness we can always find happiness right now.

    • Andrea DeBell - britetalk October 19, 2010, 8:01 pm

      Hi Rob! I like that zen question too. You are totally right, I couldn’t agree with you more, simple and available right now.

      Thanks for your sensible words. Loving blessings!
      .-= Andrea DeBell – britetalk´s last post…The Secret to Kick Ass Motivation =-.

  • Keith October 19, 2010, 7:41 am

    Hello Andrea,

    I love how you’ve done such a great job of explaining this and you did so in a relatively brief post!

    Being aware of those three things is absolutley crucial if we are to maintain happiness and positivity.

    Thanks for the great post and the thoughts it provoked!

  • Jenny Ann Fraser October 19, 2010, 8:27 am

    These ideas have had such a huge impact on my life I could go on and on about it. (oh, I guess I do. 🙂 )
    Especially is the judging others part. I learned that when I began to work towards being less judmental and critical towards others, I learned to be kinder to myself and the whole process keeps opening the door to greater happiness and peace.
    Thank you for this Andrea and Tess!

    • Andrea DeBell - britetalk October 19, 2010, 6:38 pm

      Hi Jenny Ann! Feel free to go on and on about it. 🙂 I work on judgment constantly also. Old habits are sometimes hard to dissolve. The important part is to keep at it, like you’re doing. Keep up this beautiful inner work.

      Thanks for your sweet comment. Loving blessings!
      .-= Andrea DeBell – britetalk´s last post…The Secret to Kick Ass Motivation =-.

  • Joshua Noerr October 19, 2010, 9:42 am

    I absolutely love this post! Andrea, I’ve been working on these three things ever since my dad gave me a book on mindfulness. You are absolutely right, these are the keys to happiness.

    Obrigatu!

    • Andrea DeBell - britetalk October 19, 2010, 6:33 pm

      Hi Joshua! I’m glad to encounter another like-minded friend. 🙂 Mindfulness is a wonderful practice. You have a great dad!

      De nada (you’re welcome)! Loving blessings!
      .-= Andrea DeBell – britetalk´s last post…The Secret to Kick Ass Motivation =-.

  • Kate October 19, 2010, 1:55 pm

    I think happiness can only come from within, if we are truely happy, our external circumstances are irrelevant. And this awareness certainly brings out the happy us!

    • Andrea DeBell - britetalk October 19, 2010, 6:30 pm

      Hi Kate! Totally right, happiness comes from within. The work to be done is always inside of us. 🙂 As Bashar says “circumstances don’t matter, state of being does.”

      Thanks for your powerful insight. Loving blessings!
      .-= Andrea DeBell – britetalk´s last post…The Secret to Kick Ass Motivation =-.

  • Stan Young October 24, 2010, 5:27 pm

    Hey Andrea
    All I can say is that I agree with all the above comments.
    The subject of happiness has to be the number one reason for our exsistence but for many it remains elusive.
    I love your simple 3 step approach but simplicity is not always easy in the day to day turmoil of life.
    Points that I need to improve on are being a better communicator and sometimes choosing my words more carefully.
    As for the combination of all 3, I guess I am still working on that.
    Thanks for the simple inspiring message.

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